Yes Feb 6th 2006 is the day I offered her so we could get this done quicker.

Am i ok with this decision. I have mixed emotions but I have nothing left. My tank is empty. I am ready to move on. If she really wants this, then I can't stop it. I can only better myself by moving on. Plus with the things she has done, I don't know if I can ever forget them. So i feel it would be in my best interest to move on.

I am ready for a sudden return if it happens. I will stick to my guns because I don't won't to go thru this again and I know she would only be doing it because she knows I am not in her back pocket anymore. Now reality hits home for her. She has already been calling around to our friends that she hasn't talked to in 3 or 4 months fishing for what is going on with me. She ask if I am seeing someone and the answers she is getting from them must be really confusing her because all have said No. We see him alot and he is not seeing anyone. So I know reality is sitting in on her but I am ready to move on. But like I said before I will not get in Gods way if it is his will for us to be together. It will just take alot and I mean alot of begging on her part and probably more than she is willing to do.

Any thoughts on what she may do so I will be prepared for every thing she may throw. if she throws.

I'm so glad you are at peace with yourself. That has to feel better than it has been in a long while.

Way better.
I think making the decision helps.

If she is to have a chance to return, you should prepare a list of all the things that will qualify her for that chance...

STD testing
NC from any/all OM
All the information you request
MC
IC
Complete accountability
Proper apology
Something you can readily identify as remorse

These are suggestions...it's your list; what are the things YOU will require?

SD

Good list to start with.

pHB, how's it going today?



Marsh - you there?

pHB,

From the recent turn of events, I think a very heartfelt plan B letter with a list of conditions required to take you back followed by a VERY DARK plan B would get your WW to come around. She is already worried about you moving on. Now is the time to go to plan B. I would ask for some plan B advice and drop the bomb quickly. I don't think it would take very long for your WW to come back to you. Now, whether or not you will take her back is up to you.

My WW came around quickly when I finally had enough and was ready to move on. She wasn't as deep in as your WW (and OM was 1000 mi away), but I see a parallel in the way that they acted. If you still want to push for divorce or at least legal separation I wouldn't hold it against you, but I would at least let her know the door may still be open. Coupled with the fact that she would probably lose her daughter, she might just snap out of it.

PHB

Email me....

jefferyrwebb@tds.net

It is so ironic that you put this here. WW emailed me and called me today. She was trying to pick me if I was wanting to see someone else. Answer was always no. My lawyer postponed me today and I told WW that I would get with her now that we have a little more time to talk about assets and custody. She called me as soon as she got off of work and said she was coming over. She got here I immediatly went into my spill about being ready to move on and for her to let me see what she has wrote down. I looked them over comented about a few of them and moved on. She told me while I was reading her list that I didn't want her back no more than she wants me back. I agreed with her and told her she has already defiled herself and I don't know if i could ever get past that. She got very emotional then. I made no comments to her as she cried. Then she went to our bedroom to get somethings and I said I have already packed them up for you. She sat down on the bed and looked at me with tears rolling and said I am so sorry. I said WW you had your chance to trun back and you wanted to live your own life. Now all of the things I did may not have helped much but did nothing show you how much I care for you. And you still wanted OM. I told her all of this is her decisions. I wanted nothing to do with this. She cried as we took her stuff to her car and I showed no emotions whatsoever. Then she came back in the house and stood there while I kissed and hugged on DD. She then questioned me again about another person I am wanted to see. I told her there was no other person but there was one person who if they asked, after divorce is final, I would go out with. She said see I knew there was someone. I said no even right now if this person asked I would go out with them and I will even tell you who it is. WW said Who? I pointed at her and said you. She turned and walked away. I closed the door behind her and then she came back and said "you just said that you would not be with me anymore and now you said you would, that makes no sense." I said yes it does I would go out with the WW I know, not the WW you are now. Love does not go away in 7 months. She walked away.

One other interesting point. I told her the best advice I could give her and the best thing she could do for herself right now was to be alone with no one to truly see what it will be like because that is what I have been doing. To see what she wants. She said I am by myself right now.

I think she was lying because I know for a fact OM was over there last night because DD told me.

Now did I leave a door open. Or have I reached the point that it doesn't matter to me anymore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

good exchange in my book PHB......

I think that the door is cracked. It's up to HER to decide to come in.....

I emailed you.

You simply took control back. You will be fine one day no matter what happens. She, however, will not and I think she is starting to really see that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I'm proud of you today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You own the door, you have the key. You have complete control as to whether she is welcome to be a part of your life.

You need to decide what will be required of her before that could happen.

I think you handled that real well. Shows a tremendous amount of growth from when you first arrived here at MB.

Remember, you need to be completely at peace with this choice to divorce before you go through with it. Your WW may respond to this disattachment and signs that you are moving on more readily than she has to anything else you've done. This occurs quite often. This is why I've suggested you be prepared for a crash and burn on your WW's behalf.

((((((((((((((pHB)))))))))))))))
SD

What do you mean by crash and burn. My WW is just not the type of person to beg. She even told me today that she hopes my next wife is a good person. I mean I am not a bad guy and I reiterated that to her today. She would say things like your family must be happy now. I said no they think I am moving to fast. She mentioned that My cousin who I have been with alot recently, must be happy because of this and I said no he thinks I am wrong for this. She said why? I told her because he is a product of divorce. She said nothing. I thought I was ready for anything but now I am not sure I am. My mind is made up but I can't help but feel that God is working.

I'm here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

Be careful, PHB.

She's liable to pursue you now.

Do not have SF w/ her unless she gets tested first.

Have a list of things you'll want her to agree to in order for you to even consider taking her back.

Go slowly.

~ Marsh

Yes, M2L, I do.

~ Marsh

Post deleted by Maybe2late

Thank you for asking, M2L. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

By crash and burn, I mean that there comes a time for some people that they simply cannot continue on any given path.

It is exhausting to be a Wayward, but in a different way than for the BS, because they are driven by the euphoria of the affair. When that false "spark" no longer glows, there comes a moment of truth.

Some forge on blindly in a continuous downward spiral. Others have a epiphany, and their heart leads them to some serious introspection, and there's a complete turnaround.

There is no way to predict which way your W will go. I think you should do a crash course on Plan B, and when the D papers are served to your W, they should include a Plan B letter, and you go dark, midnight in solitary confinement dark, and start living your life as you choose.

Odds are, she'll sniffing around. Your job is to see if she can produce actions that will make her worthy of a second chance, that is, if you choose to do so. The ball is now entirely in your court, and you get to decide what's best for you and the rest of your life.

SD

I called to talk to DD a few minutes ago and guess what. WW answered the phone and DD wasn't even there. That is the 1st time in months she has answered when she doesn't have DD. I have been doing some thinking on this matter and I feel the need to continue on the path I am on. I do have some mixed emotions but not enough to grasp for a straw. I think my decisions over the past week and my actions from plan A have made her think even to the point of considering reconciliation. Not sure of that but I saw something today that I haven't seen in a while. I still think the best thing for me is to continue to move forward with Plan A and moving on with my life. I am in no rush to make a decision that will effect Me, My WW and DD's for the rest of our lives.

My mind is made up and I will continue to be the man I need to be and let God take care of the rest.