Sorry this is long and I have no clue what I am doing.

Hello, I am new here. I have been reading some of the other posts and decided that it was time for me to tell my story and get some advice.

My fiance walked out on my 8.5 month old son and I on November 30.

A little background we have been together about 2.5 years, in that time we had broken up 2 significant times (once on my part the second his). I am 7.5 years his senior we are both in our 20's. When we actually started dating he had a girfriend, nothing serious but still a girlfriend.(not happy with myself about that but I did it), I fell for him very quickly and the same for him. My mother did not like him at first so that put a huge strain on things but we pulled through it (first 8 months of relationship)then his aunt became really sick in April 2005 and only had a little time left, I am not good with those kind of situations so I told him that I needed a break, which is all I intended to take... a break. I wanted a week to myself....selfish at the time....yes it was...I admit it. Well he took that as a break up and before I knew it he was back with the original girlfriend. Needless to say that only lasted a month and he was right back with me. Of course I took him back I love him more then anything in the world. This was now after our 1 year mark.

That July probably about 1.5 months or so after we got back together he asked me to move in, and yes I did. About two weeks after that he decided that he might have made a mistake and I moved back out (not a pretty site). Yes it was that other girl yet again.

Now here is where things get really complicated. He started being around some not so great people, he got into some drugs and just got really crazy. About two weeks after I moved back out, he called and wanted "to talk",(I fall for it everytime.) So we ended up talking and trying to get things figured out. About two weeks after that I found out that I was pregnant. I told him right away and he was very excited and things for us couldn't be better (he stopped using drugs, we moved into a house, started getting ready for baby) This was August 2005.

In November of 2005 he was in a very serious motorcycle accident the day before Thanksgiving! Do I need to even tell you the state of mind I was in at this time? I got the call and got to the hospital, he was in a coma, when he arrived at the hospital he was unresponsive, he was on a breathing machine and had tubes all over the place. I also found out that he did have some brain damage but they weren't sure how extensive. He was in a coma for 4 days and in the hospital for 9. He had problems remembering people and events that had happened months before the accident. Everyday improved and got better and I was there every step of the way. He had to learn how to walk again and some of his speech was impaired. He had theropy for about a month afterwards and was almost back to normal. He still has some problems with his short term memory. Since the accident he has a shorter temper now and gets frustrated easily. Now I don't know if I took on this mother role towards him or if it was I was just being protective. I got nervous everytime he would leave and say I'll be home by nine and he wasn't home at nine. Then I would get scared and overreact, when he would walk in at 9:03.

I do get frustrated and I do tend to take stuff out on him. April of 2006 we welcomed the arrival of our baby boy everything in our life was perfect. In May he asked me to marry him, and I was overjoyed. We weren't in a rush to get married and didn't start planning anything right away. During this time (all of it) he races race cars, I knew that when I got together with him and I accepted it and even enjoyed going. Now he was not supposed to get in a race car for 1 year after his accident, he waited 6 months. Now if the stress of having a new baby isn't enough, I guess I added to it. I do gripe about a lot of petty little things, sometimes just about everything! (I am my mother) So our relationship is stressed beyond belief, since being back in the race car he has had two wrecks, one pretty bad. His attitude after that changed, he stopped helping out around the house because it was never good enough for me (according to him), we never have sex (always an excuse on my part, because I don't like the way I look without clothes on right now, my son changed it a whole lot)a lot of useless bickering.

We tried counseling, (went twice), he didn't want to go anymore. he said that we could work it out on our own if we just talk to each other. that was fine with me and I did talk when I had problems, he never did and well I guess he had enough and decided to leave. Also, just one month before this he was getting serious about planning the wedding and getting it going, he was the one to get the planning started.

Since then he has gotten an apartment, and the ex-girlfriend is back in the picture, but he swears as only a firend. He doesn't spend much time with our son which hurts me so much.

What can I do? Is there any saving this? I love him so much and I love my family (him, our son and I).

There is so much more that goes on that I can't even think about right now.

I AM DESPRATE TO SAVE THIS.

Wow, you have a lot on your plate. First of all, both of you have fallen into patterns of behavior that are nothing short of destructive. This needs to change.

First of all, purchase and read "Surviving an Affair", and "His needs/Her needs".

I would not even feel qualified to give any advice beyond that, except I think you both should be in counseling, both independently and marriage counseling, as well.

There are multiple problems to deal with, and "just talking them out" when you both fall into the same behaviorial pattens is not working. I would suggest you counsel with the Harley's regarding your marriage, and go to individual counselors until you find a proper fit. There are far more "bad" ones than good ones out there, and it's your money and your life, so don't stop until you find the right one!

Others will come along and offer more and better help, but I wanted you to get a quick response to your post.

Best wishes,
SD

I would go into counseling by myself. You cannot change him and there are lots of things you can work on for yourself.

Next I would get some life insurance on him - doesn't sound like he is a cautious person. Your son needs financial support for the next 18 years.

Third, technically you are the OW. Relationships that start out as affairs have a very slim chance of making it.