My children will be going to see ex's family for a few days for the holiday vacation and of course the OW will be there too now that she has been "welcomed" into the family after everyone saying she wouldn't for so long. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Anyway,I found a card that my teenage daughter made for OW.It's not very detailed.She drew a picture with a belated "Merry Christmas ******" on it.She had also made cards for everyone else too but this was included.

So,it may not seem like a big deal but to me it is not sitting well and I'm wondering how to handle it.At first I was hurt.I'm so sick of dealing with this almost on a weekly basis...something will come up and I have to be reminded of it all.I've put so much of it behind me.My daughter that wrote the card is very much like her Dad.And to be honest I feel like I want to pull away from her.My ex would love that too,to see us drift apart and never talk then he could gloat and be the "best dad ever" to her,in his mind.

Why on earth would she make a card for this person knowing what she did and how I feel about her? I keep thinking she is just too young to understand,still.But also,since she is like her Dad why not accept the OW too? My other children have not made cards for OW,at least not that I know about.

I just feel like,I am not going to be hurt again with all this cr**,not from anyone ,even my own children.And it will not be over until I don't have dependent kids at home that have to be shared with ex as we are.When they are adults I can see them on my own time and not have to deal with ex.Until then though,not sure what to do if anything.

I think what I fear most is cutting my daughter out of my life if she starts liking and caring about the OW,etc.I want to cry when I think about it but I could not go along with,just as I don't now with my former IL's ,her actually spending time with and liking this OW after all that she did to this family and the pain she caused so many,especially me,their Mom.

Of course the kids can't cut out Dad but the OW? I try not to focus on that horrible person but it seems that she keeps sliming her way in deeper and deeper into my life,now through my kids.She has my ex,my now ex IL's and all the benefits of that family even though it's so hypocritcal,now my kids.What's next? My home? Talk about coveting....

{{{AB}}}

I truly understand and sympathise.

My ex introduced the OW to my kids before we were even divorced – they were living together since d/day. This was after I explicitly asked him not to, to wait until the divorce was final.

He introduced the OW to his family a week after he left, and they have accepted her ever since. My kids are, as I write this, spending Christmas with Ex and OW and his parents and brother’s family.

How did I feel about these things when they happened? Pretty much like you do. I tore myself up inside, hating my ex for introducing the OW, and actually resenting my own children when they didn’t show all-out hostility towards her. Such nice, polite kids!

I’d heard so many stories on these boards about how kids throw a spanner in the affairworks when introduced to the OP – well, after more than a year of seeing OW, it hasn’t happened in my case. I remember the first time I saw DD6 hug the OW – I felt like slitting my wrists.

After the pain of my marriage break-up, accepting that the OW was part of my children’s lives was the next hardest thing. It took me a long, long time, not least of all because she is a very aggressive and dominant person and rules my ex completely. She has told my kids that they must refer to her as ‘stepmother’, and not their dad’s ‘girlfriend’; she co-signs parenting letters that my ex sends me, and basically pretends that she is the children’s biological mother. Once again, these things drove me absolutely crazy. But I am getting over it now.

First I would say, you are allowing the OW far too much power over your life. She is nothing, and legally can never be more than a glorified babysitter to your children. You are, and will always be, mother to your kids. The OW is nothing compared to you, not even dirt on your feet.

Second, things are still at a very early stage regarding your ex, the OW and your kids. You have no idea how things are going to work out there – and let’s face it, the chances of the relationship between your ex and the OW working out in the long term are not good. I know in my case that my teenage daughter sees the OW as some sort of glamorous person who teaches her about hair and nails and makeup etc (another thing that drives me nuts, BTW!). But I also know for certain that DD13 will see the OW eventually for what she really is – the homewrecking ho who destroyed her family and security.

Finally, please don’t blame your DD for making that card for the OW. She did it to please her dad, not to hurt you. Poor kid is so conflicted right now – she doesn’t want to like the OW, but feels she has to for her dad’s sake. Then she feels guilty because she thinks she’s letting you down for liking her. My parents are still together so I never experienced this kind of conflict, but I imagine it must be terrible.

One final thing – last Christmas, the ‘first’ one after my kids were introduced to OW, they made her cards and stuff, and wrote them to Daddy and OW. This year, all the cards they made were signed to Daddy only – I don’t think they made a single thing for the OW.

The newness will wear off. The OW will grow stale. They will see her eventually for what she is, when she stops making such an effort and grows ‘comfortable’.

You will always be the center and the foundation of your children’s lives. The OW can never steal that away from you.

Alph.

i empathize as well. mine are only 9 years old and far too young to understand very much. they know i do not like ow. they actually get why i don't like her. they understand that their dad was with her while he was still living here and that that is why he doesn't live here. BUT, they are just children and because ow is nice to them they are nice back to her. they don't REALLY understand. i would like it if they didn't like her of course, but as they get older and understand dynamics better they will understand more of what she represents (if her fling with my ex lasts into my kids teenage years).

my dd made a card at school for thanksgiving. one for me and one for ex with ow's name on it as well. it sucked to put it frankly. but there is nothing i can do about it. and nothing you can do about it either. your children are probably just trying to get along and accept things the best they can. children don't know any other way. and i am sure ow is nice to them and that makes them be nice back.

we can't make our stuff our kids stuff too. they are loyal to their mom and dad, don't believe for a minute they are loyal to ow. it is hard to think they are being "mothered" by ow when you are not around. i hate that thought too especially since ow is not even old enuff to be their biological mother! but she seems to enjoy playing house and mommy with my kids. as long as she never hurts them i will stay in the back ground.

we can only teach our children that affairs are wrong. i read the bible with mine every night so they know what god expects of them. that is all we can do.

mlhb

Hi mlhb,

Thanks for responding.

Realistically I know that the kids are doing what I brought them up to do: be nice unto other's.But why the homewrecking OW? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> I know I need to find a way to accept it but it's like trying to swim against a huge ocean current.I truly do not like the OW for all that she stands for.I don't hate her.I just wish she would go away .You know,find her own life instead of inserting herself into what was mine.

What helps me is that I hope at least on some level some day,the kids will understand as they get older exactly what all this really meant: not just for me and understanding what I went through and how I protected them and gave my all to them while their father was out living a bachelor life,etc but for their own sakes so they won't make the same mistakes as their father did.

Anyway,I know I will never ever get any sort of apology letter for the OW as you have.I truly would forgive the OW in my case under 2 conditions: she truly repented and apologized to me and by giving that meaning by ending the relationship.On her own.Now.Because it would be the right thing to do.

It won't happen.

Anyway,hope you are having a good holiday~Thanks for caring enough to post.

AB, I know you are hurt. However, I think you need to reframe this situation so you don’t push your daughter away. I think it was incredibly generous and warm-hearted of her to include OW.

As a child of divorce, whose father married the OW, I can understand. Even young children have a good feel for the dynamics of the marriage and the affair, and have an inkling of the roles all parties played. The children, though, have limited avenues available to them. They have almost no control over the situation at all, and are forced to make the best of it.

Faced with a choice of hatred, resentment, and discomfort, versus acceptance and the propriety that comes from general politeness, your daughter chose the latter. Imagine how awkward the celebration would have been had she made cards for everyone present except OW? It would have seemed petty and mean-spirited, even if in your mind it was justified.

What would you want for your daughter? Not for you, but for her happiness? Would it be better for her to loathe OW and act on that loathing, disrupting her relationship with her father and her father’s family? Or would it be better for her to come to appreciate the good qualities of OW and enjoy having two families? Even if in after years, your daughter comes to love the OW, would that mean she loves you less or has betrayed you? I just can’t see it that way.

I like my father’s wife even though the two of them played havoc with our family. She and my dad are good together, but I know if it hadn’t been her, it would have been someone else. I think that’s the cases with most infidelity—the OP could have been anyone. So, OW didn’t wreck my home. She and my dad dismantled it together, but it was already rotting on the inside.

I like the OW and I consider her part of my family. If my mother had pulled away because of my attitude, I would have been very hurt and disappointed. I was just making the best of a situation I didn’t create.

I think your daughter deserves some hugs and praise for being thoughtful and polite.

GG,

Thanks for responding.

I do want my daughter to be happy.And deep down I think she may only meant well after much thought about it all.But I just know I will not agree with everything you said.I just don't feel that in my heart and it goes against what I believe in.




Frankly I don't think the OW has any good qualities.I know she doesn't.She may be playing nice now but that is because she got what she wanted.I am not bitter about it.I think my ex and she deserve eachother.But what I don't like is the hypocrisy and inappropriate behavior they display around my kids and for that I can only express how I feel.And vent here.

I am not asking my kids to hate this OW either.And until they are free to be adults and make decisions on their own about whom they choose to be around and like,love,etc,they are at the mercy of their parents and who we bring around them.That is true.

I'm curious: how does your Mother feel about your welcoming of the OW in your life as you state? I certainly would feel much differently about any other woman my ex chose to be with.NOT the OW who acted as she did and helped destroy my marriage and family.And until she repented and ended the relationship as I mentioned previously,there just isn't room for me to forgive that.I am not full of hate,nor do I feel like she has all this power over me.In fact,I feel that I am ok right now with not forgiving.One day perhaps.But that is not something I think much about.It's not a priority to forgive that person.

Also,I don't think it would have been out of the ordinary for the kids not to have made a card for the OW.I think everyone would understand given the circumstances.I mean there have been plenty of people here who have mentioned how their kids do not interact with the OP due to their actions.But usually they are older.




Well in my case I don't agree.The OW did help to very much.If she had been any woman of integrity,dignity,honesty and respect,and cared for other's,she wouldn't have had sex with a married man with kids.If she "just said no" to his advances and her selfish desires,there could have been that small chance that he would have redirected his energy to saving our marriage and family.If NO ONE ventured into an A with a married person,there might be less pain and suffering going on.

What gets me is: yes everyone is moving on,getting on with their lives but BS's are left with the destruction.Many people get over it faster,"better",whatever.But it always stays with you and just because some time has passed,it does not erase what pain other's have caused me,continue to cause and don't care.My values and beliefs,not to mention boundaries and limits do not bend with the passage of time or whichever way the wind blows.And certainly not to just make things "easier" for other's.The whole relationship is just as wrong today as it was 3+ years ago when it began.yes it looks as though it isn't going to end but does that mean I have to praise this person to my kids? Certainly not.They know how I feel.And I truly will let them make up their own minds when they are adults and free to make their own decisons.To some degree I do have to stay in this mess as my kids are always brought around it now every weekend he has them.





That truly will be a sad day for me.For what is there to love about a person like that? What redeeming qualities are there? I once knew a Holocaust survivor.She showed me the tatooed number on her forearm.Her family was very protective of her.She still remembered the pain of all that she went through.You never forget that,what other's did to you to cause so much pain.She was living a "normal" life,as best she could.But do you think she should have just forgiven what those horrible people did to her? Forgive and forget? Let bygones be bygones? Should her family? Maybe the analogy isn't the best but the point is the same.Unless there is truly repentence,and ending of the behavior that hurts other's,you are just the same.Even over the passage of time.The OW represents this to me.And she always will because I cannot forget.I am living a happy life,for the most part.Struggling a bit with a couple issues here and there (hence this thread) but overall doing really good.

I still have to analyze why the making of the card bothered me so much.Maybe in the end it was just my D being polite and trying to appease Dad.I honestly don't know if she genuinely likes the OW.I kind of feel like well if I don't, how could she? I know that's not right but I feel like I'm losing all of my family,one by one,to this thing called Infidelity.I don't like feeling this way.I have to find a way to manage it.Not sure how yet.

AB,
You asked how my mother felt when OW, P, became part of our lives. I think she felt jealous and angry. I think she really wanted us children to have nothing to do with our father or P. After all, that would make my dad pay for what he did! However, she also wanted us to be happy, healthy people with the best possible relationships. She didn’t want us to be bitter adults blaming all our mishaps on our father’s affair and our parents’ divorce. So, she kept her mouth shut and tried not to us in the middle.

We children were old enough to know some of the ways the affair affected our family. The affair had been going on for about ten years when it was exposed. None of us will forget it, even after we’ve forgiven it.

At this point, nearly 20 years post divorce, my mother sometimes sticks up for P when us kids criticize her. Mom is just. Perhaps she can afford to be since she feels the divorce was the best thing that could have happened to her, although at the time she felt it was a disaster.

BTW, I’m not saying you should praise the relationship the OW and your Ex have. It was founded on dishonor, dishonesty and selfishness. All I really wanted to say was to think of your daughter’s action in the best possible light, and not as a betrayal of you. And while this daughter may be like her father, she is not her father.

Are you in counseling? Maybe family counseling? That may help you work through some of the dynamics without pushing your daughter away from you.

Yes,I'm trying to see that it was just my daughter being nice.Afterall,she is so sweet and tender at times despite the throws of being a teenager too.Another thing that I try not to let bother me is that,because I am the primary parent for the kids,and ex sees them EOW only and sometimes not even that if he has "plans",I deal with the daily grind day in day out.Which I love.But,if there is the slightest altercation between one of my kids and I,ex will pounce on that and suggest that we are drifitng apart while he gets closer and closer,practically gloating to me.It's sick.You would think he would try to help mend and support our relationships,not tear them down so he can look better.

I certainly do not talk ill of my ex.In fact I rarely talk about him at all since if you can't say anything nice about a person,don't say anything at all,right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> No I just mean that I have no reason too unless it's about pick up or drop off,etc.

Basically I just want my kids to not make the same mistake ex did.I don't want them to be cheaters or an OP in an A.I know that my ex has not discussed anything with the kids since to do so would be admitting guilt.And he completely believes that OW had nothing to do with any of this ( but then just how can you commit adultery without a willing partner? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

I too feel that ultimately this D will has been the best thing for me.My ex was an irritable and miserable person for a long while prior to the A even though we all were very happy as a family or so I thought, and he used to have some tough times with my D as well when he was living here.She probably doesn't remember all that and it would certainly resurface if she went to live with him fulltime I am sure.





I have been to counselors,long time ago and for plenty of time.Just talking here,as usual,helps me feel better and see things in a way I might not have before or gets me to think about the right way to handle things.The last thing I really want is for my kids and I to be distant.I think part of the issue is that my D is going through the pulling away stage of being a teenager.That doesn't make this topic feel much better.I'm reading some books that are helping me stay afloat through it all.

As much as it hurts, it is to your DD's benefit if the OW cares about her. Don't let your pain get in the way.

By the way, forgiveness is unconditional and for your benefit. It does not make what they did right. I'm not mad at OW because she got what she deserved (a lier and cheat). It's been tough forgiving WH for some things, but it's been a blessing when I have. He still doesn't think he's done anything wrong, but it's made my life easier.

AB, if you ex uses any disagreements between you and the kids as reason to gloat, he's just trying to manipulate you and push your buttons!

You could always say something like "Well, you know how it is when you're the "real" parent. Ooops. Sorry. You don't know, do you?"

I wouldn't say that to most dads. Most dads try to be great fathers even when they only get 30% of the time. However, EOW is not much time, and if he can't spend it with his children because he has "plans," I have doubts about how important parenting is.

And OW will have the attraction of not being a parent. If OW is a younger woman, she'll be more likely to excuse teenage wildness. But, she'll also be less tolerant, less empathetic, and less patient.

I don't know fb,I don't see it as a positive that the OW would care for my child expect that I wouldnt' want her to be abusive either.I just don't want her to be anything to my child,kwim? I know I have to accept that she is to some degree.It's a tough pill to swallow.

I know that forgiving is for my benefit but I honestly just don't think about that much.I don't feel this huge need to forgive OW right now.And I don't think forgivng her in my heart in mind will make me feel any better because she will still be around them.That's what bother's me.She really doesn't have any right to be,in my mind.Thanks for posting.

GG, he does try to push my buttons all the time when I 'm just trying to get on with my life .A couple of weeks may go by where there's nothing then,bam.Another "issue" comes up.

He does it just to rattle me,I know it.I try not to let it bother me but it's usually something somewhat serious I have to contend with.Such as this week: he owes me my A/CS check.He says "Oops,I forgot my checkbook" and he is hours away from his apartment.I know OW is in the car with him so he makes this whole scenario a stupid game since she's listening.Meanwhile my mortgage is about to go out in a few days and he doesn't seem to care.He says he will wire the money to my account and it's still not there.I can't stand him.

Also,I would love to have some comeback for some of the things he says but then he just gets mad and I know I will pay for it later.That's why I am trying to Plan B him because just about every single contact we have is negative,for me.I am trying to avoid it.

And yes,the OW is 8 years younger,was living with her parents when they first met,never married,no kids,last relationship she had per ex the BF cheated on her after or during their 4 years.And so the EOW is just all about fun,fun,fun.Not discipline,not the daily grind I deal with.It's clearly a competition as I see it.

And after all that has gone on the past years,with him being only EOW with her,changing his plans according to what's going on at work ,etc,ex gets a card from OD that says stuff like " I'm so glad I take after you"
(what's wrong with me then??) and I get a card that has "I love you,even though I get angered by your rules".Ouch.

Plus,I came to a realization yesterday.This year is the first Christmas being offically divorced (not sure that is making a big impact since it was long expected), the first holiday time where OW is allowed to be at all the IL family gatherings (yes this bothers me),the first holiday that the kids are around OW in depth whereas last year she wasn't even around them at all and the first year where they have been gone for many days versus just a few.It's tough.

This year there are so many changes and I could tolerate them all better if I wasn't going through the tough time with my OD.She really has changed a great deal but we still manage to have good times.It's bittersweet.

Oh, AB, I LOVE that card. Make sure you save that for when your daughter has a daughter! You know what they say about paybacks! What would you really rather have? Would you rather have a tumultuous teen say she’s glad she like you (i.e. you are like a tumultuous teen) or have a teen who LOVES you even when you make all kinds of rules she hates because, after all, she’s a teenager?

You know, I see a little manipulation in what you daughter did. She’s doing the age old trick of playing you two off one another. Don’t react to that. You could say something like “You know, sweetie, you do take after your father in many ways, some are even wonderful.” Trust me, that will shake her up. She knows how little respect you have for him right now. And your Ex has some wonderful qualities or you wouldn’t have married him.

As for the OW, AB you sound a little jealous of her carefree life. Do you have time away from the daily grind? Do you have time for fun in your life? If not, I’d start making plans for the weekends Ex has the kids. If he has “plans,” he’ll have to change them, or offer to “swap” a weekend.

These weekend at Dad’s will do wonders for the children’s attitude toward OW and even Dad. Any romance will have worn away, and when they threaten to go live with their father, and you agree to pack them up, they’ll back down pretty quickly. Living with a playboy and his bunny is not a kid’s idea of home-life.

Plus, when you have time to rest and do stuff for yourself, you’ll be more relaxed and have more fun yourself. You’re a good mom, your children love you. That won’t change if you have a life outside of them.

As for the child support, I wouldn’t monkey about with that. Send in writing to your ex, the next time he’s late, you’ll be contacting your attorney and putting the wheels in motion to have his pay garnered by the state. In other words, the state takes the child support directly out of his paycheck and then the state pays you.

Document all the times he’s late with the payments, too. I’ve also learned that simply saying “Good bye” and hanging up works well with abusive ex’s.

When you were married, did you stand up to your ex much? I get the sense you were a little like me. I let B do whatever he wanted to do. I thought I was doing Plan A, really I was just scared of confrontation and yelling, etc. Once I started standing up to him, his bad behavior escalated. Even now, he’ll get really nasty, but when I refuse to give way or get upset, he generally stops for a while.

LOL. You are right.When I think about it,I know what the attraction to being like her Dad is for a **teenager.Since he's basically living like one with an OW on the side.HA! Thanks for that.I didn't quite see it that way.




Could be.I am reading this great book called "Get out of my life...but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?" by Anthony Wolf Ph.D. It's describing exactly what I am going through with my OD.It helped a great deal.I guess I have to develop thicker skin.As for qualtities my ex has? Well,he isn't phyically abusive.Doesn't yell,is a total CA like his family( not good),does some cool stuff for a job
( that teens would love to be around),stuff like that.Dad is the party guy.He cannot be alone and is always surrounded with others or on the phone,computer or cell,etc.Busy busy busy and not taking any time to look at what his actions are or have been all this time.




Oh goodness.Not even in the slightest!! YUK. I do have a fulfilling life.It's just figuring out how to deal with the OW now being in the kids lives a lot more than I did not have to deal with before.One thing my ex was good about was that he kept her away for most of the time until recently, per my request.I actually do enjoy those 2 weekends I have "off" from being a parent.I get a lot done! Fun! And I crave alone time too.




In time I do agree.It's getting to the serious stage where the "romance" and honeymoon phase is starting to fizzle out a bit.Now that OW is living with ex,it's more of a reality than secret stolen nights out and all that in the beginning.puke.And there's still the big question: will OW want kids or is it enough to hang on to another womans' kids with the ex? I don't envy him starting over if he does agree.And he will have to have the vas reversed,mucho dinero.




Agreed.We are talking some serious money that he gives me each month.And the last thing I need is to worry about him not paying when he shoud be.BTW,the money is in there as of now.Phew.I just checked.




I am definitely not a CA.I like to and have always liked to address any concerns and problems right up front and right away.We never yelled at one another.I talked and he avoided,mostly.Which is why I never knew anything was seriously wrong before the A.He never TOLD me.He insidiously withdrew until it was to late.I have a very strong personality and I don't take any cr* from anyone.I buck against it if I think it's unjust/wrong.But I am a good listener too.So...he knows he cannot get away with treating me poorly and I won't defend myself.I am not mean about it but I know what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior in my mind.Like noodle always says,you have to keep your boundaries and boy do I.


See GG.Who needs counselors when I have you! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Thanks!

Oh, I don't do much. Look how many things I got wrong!

Besides, you can return the favor in a couple of years when my oldest turns 13.

The funny thing is: my OD literally went out the door to school one day (2 months ago, starting 9th grade) as my sweet girl and then came home as this teenager with attitude and a whole new look that has maintained since.yikes.It all happened so fast I was taken by surprise.You know,like a hit and run? I'm trying to recover.lol

I do highly recommend the book though.It's about 212? pages long,easy read but so on target.

And just talking all this out here,like usual,has really helped me.You did do a lot,just by listening and being a sounding board. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'm thankful for everyone here on MB .

AB,

Thanks for starting this thread. My x just married OW. They didn't tell my children until after the fact. He didn't tell me either. I spotted his ring a week or two later and asked his family.

Talk about no redeeming qualities...OW is a bi-sexual w/herpes who has had 4 abortions; she and ex have a 1-1/2 year old OC, she has no education and no job. She is a dirty looking freak w/a bunch of tattoos. She kept telling my H that she wanted to "suck him dry". My H., being an idiot said OK. You see where that got him. An incurable STD and an OC. He too is a CA and I never knew he was that unhappy. He claimed that he wasn't unhappy but couldn't turn down "gratuitous sex". Ironic huh when you figure what it really cost him. Anyway, since he hasn't had any counseling and can't admit that he did anything wrong, he is still a passive CA. He took the path of least resistance and married his skanky ho. This is in spite of several trips over here to see if we could get back together. Yeah sure honey.

My friends say that she is the future and it's time to take a deep breath and accept things as they are. Easy for them to say isn't it? Like everybody else, I realize that they deserve each other and that neither could do any better. She was obviously desperate. And what decent women would date an adulterer w/an OC and herpes?

Well, the kids think she is great. If they do something new here and go over there talking about it she buys it for them. I asked my youngest if OW buys them whatever they want and he answered "pretty much" and then laughed. Along with about 100 other things, the kids got a floating ping-pong table for X-mas. They don't have a pool. Or are they building one? I have no idea. I want to vomit when they say her name in my house. Unlike your kids, they don't know the truth. They worship their father and can't wait to go to Daddy's house. I have bitten my tongue a thousand times, especially when I remember how he lied to their faces, saying he missed dinner because he was in a meeting or how he couldn't join us on a Saturday afternoon outing because he had to stop by the office. They need to figure out for themselves what a selfish person their father really is.

Maybe if it hadn't been this OW it would have been another one. We'll never know, so this real OW is the one that disgusts me. The one who had so little respect for my children that she helped my H wreck their lives. Now she is their step-mother.

Good luck AB. I struggle the same way you do. Obviously, I'm still a bit angry about the whole thing. Some days are better than others.

AB,

I also wanted to relay some advice I received on another thread. Tell your children that it is OK for them to like OW but let them know that you do not want them to grow up to model OW and daddy's values and ethics.

Good Luck. I do not have any contact with OW although she is the children's stepmother. I have asked others how they handle that realtionship and got mixed reports. Some BWs are sugary sweet to OW while others maintain NC.