MyBad,



It is interesting that he continues to try to call me out. Those calls on Wednesday were not at all necessary, the schedule for DDs is worked out through our D date. His schedule after that will be determined by the courts. He did not even contact my intermediary about it.

You're right, he does get satisfaction and an ego boost when I react to him. You can almost see the 'aha, I got her' on his face when get into it with him. WH only has MOW to fight with now.

Yesterday was WH's evening with DDs. They spent the evening with MOW. They were at their house for a little while with her and then went out to dinner, etc. WH took MOW "home" before he brought DDs home to me. I thought for sure that he would bring her to drop DDs off just to show me that he could and try to get a reaction out of me. If he would have, I was all prepared to look at it as him being childish and doing it just to be obstinate.

But he didn't, he dropped her off before he came to my house. MOW is a "Survivor" fanatic and maybe she just had to be home in time to watch her show. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

This weekend will be the next test, I think. I believe he is going to have DDs have their first overnights with MOW there this weekend. No reaction from me if he does. It will be the beginning of his own funeral with DDs and MOW.



Yup, time for me, too. As I said, WH has DDs this weekend. I have some stuff I want to do around the house and then I'm going to take one of the horses out for a nice long relaxing ride by myself, then I'm having dinner and a movie with a friend. DDs will be back early Sunday afternoon.

Fox

p.s. Come visit anytime! It's always beautiful no matter what the weather is like.

I am so proud of you, SL. Reading your sitch has helped me a great deal. I see your strength and your commitment to your son. I admire you a great deal.

The obsession is hard to get away from, but is such a relief when you finally do. I'm not completely there yet becuase I'm still getting through the initial meetings/overnights with DDs and MOW. But I know DDs know right from wrong and they have NO respect for MOW and very little for their own dad. His credibility with them is shot.



I'm glad you are doing better. False recovery has to be a terrible blow. I'm glad you had the tools and were able to use them so effectively to deal with it. You are amazing. If D happens, it WILL be okay, even for DS. He will be okay because of YOU. It isn't what you wanted for him but he will be okay.

The best is yet to come, believe that.

Okay, I think I've figured out a way to make WH aware of the time schedules for volleyball without breaking Plan B or having DDs do it.

I created a flier to pass out to the whole team at the first practice (I've called all the other parents to tell them when the first practice is).

I've put the flier in both of DDs bags that WH and DDs will be picking up in 20 minutes. That way they can just give him the flier and not necessarily have to SAY anything to him about it if they don't want to.

Fox,

Good for you!


Be careful riding alone thought huh? Wish I could go with you! Sounds wonderful!
You said you are going to dinner and a movie with a friend…Its not with MOWH is it? Not that it matters really...a friend is a friend is a friend.
Just that if WH and MOW get wind, well it could get very stormy.
I get a kick that it bothers him sooo much! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
You know...if he was really happy with MOW it wouldn't matter to him what you were doing or with who you were doing it.
In any case I hope you have fun this weekend! Fill me in on Monday K?

MB
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An incidence arose from a circumstance.

Nope, not with MOWH. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Although it is tempting, I don't like WH to think he scared me away from MOWH.

Oh well, he can think whatever he thinks.

Yup, I'll fill you in on Monday (and I'll be careful riding alone). Thanks for checking in with me!

Fox

Did you enjoy your weekend? How was your DD's weekend overnight? I hope you are doing well!

Hi, familycomesfirst!

Weekend started off a bit rocky. As I was leaving work and on my way to take care of one of my horses that is lame, I drove by WH/OW house. Unfortunately, that's just the direction I need to go. They live on the corner by a pretty high traffic area. As I was driving by, I saw WH and DDs walking from WH truck into the house. OW Jeep was already there. Her S7 was with his dad for the weekend. So they got to play house with my DDs. I was okay for awhile, but when I got home to an empty house, and night time fell, my thoughts got carried away with me again. And I cried, and cried, and cried.

DD13 called later that night, we talked for a while and she told me they were going to stay the night at his house. We talked a little bit about it and she seemed okay. Not much I can do if she isn't.

They spent the whole weekend as a family. Dinners, breakfasts, haircut for WH, dice games (from OW), Playstation, movies, mall, etc. After DDs got home on Sunday, DD13 told me that while WH was getting his haircut in the mall, they wondered around the stores. OW followed. DDs kept leaving her in stores and she would have to go find them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Poor, poor OW, being ditched by her soulmates children. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Finally, she told them she was going to a specific store and asked if they wanted to come..they said no so she went by herself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Fox

WH74,

I can’t imagine how awful that all was for you. I am so sorry you went through that. Keep hanging tough. Nobody deserves all this.

Thanks, chrisner. It was tough even though I fully expected it. It was WH last weekend before the final D date to get it done. The judge can't tell him not to do something that he has already done.

I'm trying hard to hold on to the fact that they will not be a family with my DDs in the true sense of the word. They can play at it all they want, but it will just not be. DDs will only grow more resentful as will OW as DDs keep their distance from her. She will stop making any effort at all if DDs never give her anything back. I believe they will tolerate her but never really have a relationship with her. She is wallpaper..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Also, chrisner, I LOVE to read your posts. You have an incredible sense of humor and a knack for conveying it in your writing. I read that you had a trigger this weekend also....I am sorry to hear that. They sneak up on you, don't they. Even when you think you're okay. You're right, no one deserves this.

{{{wild}}} I'm sorry you had a tough time. It will get better. And you are right, your DD's never will have a close R with OW, she can just give that up now.

Once I forced myself to snap out of the obsession with the infidels and what was happening with DDs Friday night, the weekend went much better.

Had lunch and went shopping with my mother, went horseback riding with my sister, then dinner and movie with a friend. Riding is so good for me. So relaxing and peaceful. I put everything aside and just enjoy the ride. The horses were a little fresh since they haven't been ridden since fall and we chose to risk it and ride bareback. It was entertaining! I thought my sister was going to hit the mud a couple of times. Mainly just because we got the giggles! I wish DDs could have been there. Hopefully this coming weekend is nice again and I can take them.

DDs were back by 1pm on Sunday, took DDs to lunch since WH didn't bother, then went horseback riding with DD13, played volleyball with both DDs, went for a jog with them, and made dinner together.

Rough start but ended up being a pretty good weekend. It was close to 70 degrees and that always helps my mood. It happens so seldom this time of year that you don't dare waste it.

Well, last night was the first volleyball practice. The team and I had a lot of fun. WH did not stay. I really thought he would since he told DDs he was coming to EVERY practice and game. I guess he changed his mind. DDs didn't mind at all.

WH picked them up from practice as he still had an hour and a half left until they needed to be home. I was having hay delivered to where we keep our horses and the guy was running late. I called DD13 and asked if they were on their way home yet. She said they were so I told her where the hide-a-key was and just to go on in and I would be there in 20 minutes.

WH was sitting in the driveway when I got home. I'm sure this will get written down in his little notebook. DDs are fine for a little bit by themselves. It was only 20 minutes, geez.

DD13 told me later in the evening that she had seen the notebook that WH is keeping on me. The only part she saw was something about money, then something about my locking the garage so he couldn't get in it. He's getting a little desperate, I think. I hope it is a little notebook or he is going to be wasting a lot of paper by not having anything to write! Unless he is making stuff up, which could happen.

He's keeping a notebook on YOU? I am beginning to wonder too if he's reading here. I know I told you to document everything... hmmmmm

People are going to run late for pick ups and drop offs. And besides, it's not even like your visitation schedule is court ordered.

I wonder if he'll try to paint your friendship with MOWH as scandalous. Hello!?? You and MOWH wouldn't have anything to discuss (much less know each other) if they hadn't had an A and left both of you to move in together, while still married to boot. Has that fact escaped his pea brain? I guess it has...

Be prepared for court to be rough, he's gonna try to sling any mud at you he can. It's become you against them.

Hmmmm

Not sure how much damage was done by you not being there for 20 minutes. Most people think that a 13yo and 12yo are okay by themselves for a while.

Actually, I think a lot of girls their age are actually babysitting for other people's kids.

Locking up your house (including your garage-whether it's attached or separated) sounds like a wise thing for a woman with two daughters to do. It's a safety issue. Duh!

I would be prepared for a battle in court, but I think he may have to disclose the contents of that notebook to your lawyer if he plans to use it in court. Make sure you keep your own notebook for things like this too. It can't hurt.

Hang in there-

I am absolutely POSITIVE WH is going to do this. No questions in my mind at all. He has made numerous comments about how I am just like him and how I shouldn't judge him since I'm doing the same thing...etc etc. This was before I was deep in Plan B.

I'm not surprised at the notebook. WH can't remember anything. I am, however, concerned about what he may be making up about me that DD13 may read.



He has been late to drop them off almost every time. I'm sure he is going to spin it that I am leaving DDs home alone by themselves while I am out messing around. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm not afraid of going to court....he can write whatever the heck he wants to, doesn't make it true. I have documents; private investigator report, copy of the lease agreement, phone records, etc. He has his little notebook. I'm not even sure how far into court it will get, we have a negotiation conference first.

I'm planning on playing hardball, I have done nothing to be ashamed of and much to be proud of. WH can bring it on.

I agree with you, I hope he gets laughed at by the judge!

I wonder why he didn't stay for the whole practice?

The girls were fine by themselves for a little bit. Otherwise, I wouldn't have done it. I doubt he really cared for DDs sake either, he just wanted to write something in his notebook so he sat there to see exactly what time I got home.



I've always locked things, especially when WH was gone alot of nights. I had actually sent him an email when he was still living at home (kinda, he was coming home to shower and leave again). In that email I asked him to let me know when he wasn't going to be home at night so I could lock the door for safety reasons. He agreed....and then didn't come home. Idiot.

He was PO'd when I got fed up and locked the house door on August 22. He didn't have a key. He hadn't been home in a week (OW had moved to their new place) and I was DONE. He climbed in the window to get a bunch of his stuff. Pathetic, really, a grown man climbing in his own window. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

A few weeks later I was going out of town and WH asked me when I was leaving, returning, etc so he could get his stuff out of the garage while I was gone. Chickenchit. I said no, the garage is locked now too. After I was served with D papers, I talked to my attorney who suggested I ask WH for a list of items that he wanted. That way there was a record of what he had when it came to splitting property. I didn't want the stuff in the garage, I just needed leverage if he wanted something in the house that I wanted. He would never give me a list, so I never let him take anything.

I am prepared for battle in court. He was the one that killed our family and is now feeling guilty and has to turn it on me. I'm not taking the blame.

The other documentation I have that he doesn't is a sheriff's report. I haven't acted crazy here, he has. And I didn't just write in a notebook, I have reliable 3rd party documentation.

You Go Girl! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Fox,

I wonder how the judge will feel about the fact he has not paid any support $$ to you for your DDs since the day he left (being such the concerned Dad and all)? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Hopfully they will make it retroactive!
Are you going after alimony?
That ought to put a squeeze on his R with OW! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

MB
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An incidence arose from a circumstance.

Thanks for your comments and encouragement. I greatly appreciate it!