Well I had seen changes in my wife's personality over the past two months and I did everything I could to make her happy...even sacrificing my own happiness at times. I started to notice that she was spending a great deal of money, more than we even made for the past two months...things were falling together and it didn't look good. On Christmas Eve I found several text messages on her phone that were basically love letters between her and someone else. I was crushed. All she said is she never meant to hurt me but she wasn't happy and can't help her feelings. I filed for divorce on the 26th. I still love her and the memories we shared together make it very difficult...I always thought we'd be together. Everything I own has some sort of memory attached to it.

She's acting very civil about the whole thing, but basically acts like she doesn't care for me...like a stranger walking past. I know I probably should hate her by this point, but I still remember all the good times and miss the good life and good times we should have had together.

I tried everything I could do...but she seems to think the marriage was a mistake and wants the single life. Now I'm the one who has to deal with the emotional turmoil of selling the house, moving back in with Mom and leaving all our memories behind as another family eventually will move into "our home". I don't feel like I did anything wrong, but I can't help my hurting either...too many memories and too many good times. We always were the perfect couple...always happy and smiling...which is why it doesn't make any sense.

...what to do...what to do.

Welcome to the club! Sorry Man.

Don't leave the house if you don't have to.

We're alternating nights until we both move our things out and sell the house. That protects both of us that way.

I'm no expert...but it seems like you all are moving WAY too fast. What's the hurry?

How old are you? How long have you been married? Is this the first time?

Have you read the basic concepts? Have you read Just Found Out? That's a good board for you. Decision making skills aren't at their best right now. Wait until the shock subsides.

Well I've been trying for some time and the tension is pretty intense. She's ready to decide on a settlement, sell the house and move on, but neither of us want to leave until the house is sold. I've lost so much of my trust, I have no idea what could happen. She could easily call the cops one night and say I hit her, that would get her more money in the settlement...when the trust is gone, I don't know what to believe anymore. This seems like the best course of action to protect us from each other in the event that one of us gets mad or upset during the process. She's being very civil right now, but things can change if she doesn't feel like she's getting what she wants. Too many lies and too much deceit.

I've already split the account up to a mutually agreed upon amount and we both signed a paper saying we agreed to it. I'm covering my tail to make sure I don't get screwed over in this deal....which also means that she doesn't get screwed over either, that means keeping a paper trail.

But yes, its moved quite fast...once I found out that she was in love with another man and had been for some time...then she didn't even care, appologize or show any remorse other than wanting out of the marriage...what choice did I have.

This has hurt me really really bad....

I tried everything I've read on here. Bottom line is, she wanted me to abide by them but she didn't. She spent money hand over fist, she lied about where she was and what she was doing and the lies never stopped. In the end, I was sitting home spending no money and doing nothing, while she was out spending it all with another man. She had opened secret email accounts, a cell phone I didn't know about and was living a very secret life. At the same time, she never wanted me around her, pulled away when I hugged her and was generally miserable whenever she was home. She refused councelling, didn't want to talk about it to anyone and doesn't want to take responsibility, saying "we just can't help what our feelings are".

I know I deserve better and the timing at Christmas really sucks...she was actually relieved to see the divorce papers. I know she'll regret it all. She's throwing it all away because she's not happy and thinks she can't be happy while she's married..so she's throwing away a brand new home, a loving husband and a great, secure future so she can do whatever she wants. In the end, she'll be broke in a year from her spending habits and I know she won't be any happier.