Post deleted by AlLow

I think that your husband's behavior shows that he has mixed feelings. This is good news! because it means that you still have a chance. 14 days sober is great and I'm sure everyone here is very proud of you for it. Your husband is probably proud of you too. But he probably has to wait and see if it will stick. Anybody can "fake" better behavior for a few weeks or months but it is harder to keep it up for longer. Are you going to AA or seeing any other group or counselor who can help you with this?

He is still feeding the love with you so he still hasn't made the decision. It's like he has given you a wake up call that he can't stand to live that way again. Have you read the rest of this website? You really should take time to read all of the Basic Concepts and whatever in the Q&A section seems applicable. There is so much helpful information and advice there. Dr. Harley's "Policy of Joint Agreement" is a big one because if you followed it then you could never fall back into destructive drinking patterns.

Good luck to you and for your marriage. I think you still can make it with your husband. He is showing lots of signs that he hasn't made any final decision so you still have time to become the kind of wife he'd be crazy to leave. You both still have time to turn your marriage into something so good that you won't feel the emptiness that people try to fill up with drinking. You can do it!

Thank you so much for your response. And I believe you are right, it is and was very much a wake up call. I have been attending AA meetings online, as we live in a VERY SMALL community and I really do not want my children to be teased, as I know how cruel children can be sometimes.

I have read several of the Basic Concepts as well as some of the Q & A. I have tried to discuss them with him, but he works so much that he doesn't want to discuss these things here, then be upset and go to work. He is a bartender and has to be upbeat and pleasant if he wants to make money. Right now, I have changed jobs, gone for some counseling, got on antidepressants, changed my lifestyle completely. And I can see where he is a little hesitant as it is so easy in addiction to slip right back into it.

Policy of Joint Agreement is such a good rule to follow and I wish I had found out about it sooner, maybe I would not be in this mess in the first place. I plan when we do attend joint counseling next week to make sure that I bring this up. I am wondering however, wether it is a good move to leave the house while we are attending marriage counseling or wether he should be here at the house. We do have 2 children, both from my first marriage, ages 14 & 16 that live with us here as well. I don't know if the arguing that might ensue afterward will be detremental to them or if they can see that we are arguing to work things out. I guess all of this will come out in therapy.

In the meantime, I am doing what I need to do to make us both happy as well as the kids. The ball is in his court.

Thank you again, you were ever so helpful.
~Alecia

Hi AlLow.

You mention that you H is hanging out with people a lot younger than him - do you think it is possible he may be having an affair?

I strongly recommend that you repost your thread in General Questions II, and the good people there will help you come up with a plan to save your marriage. You will get a lot more traffic there - it's the most active board on Marriage Builders.

Good Luck.

Alph.