Hey guys, for some reason I have been locked out of my other screenname so I have registered again with a new post name. Anyway, talked to my WS today on the phone and he asked how I got the emails that transpired b/t him and OW. These are the ones that I got from his email while he was home. Well I told him that I found them in his email and he is FURIOUS. Which I expected him to be. I told him that I was sorry he was upset but I felt like I had to do what I had to do to protect myself and my marriage b/c he certainly was not and if he had not lied to me so many times, I would not have had to do what I did. This went back and forth for about 30 mins. I know I should have RB but I didn't. He is very angry about it. So I was wondering if I shud just let it drop and let it "come around" or should I email him explaining why I had to do it. I know he is just trying to find something to get mad at me about to make himself feel better. And this is great ammo as far as he is concerned. Just let me know what ya'll think.

It is better not to argue or explain. You told him why you did it, and that should end it. Don't go on and on about his lies, etc. Let it drop.

ok....

I agree with Believer.

He'll get over it and grow to RESPECT you.

He's mad at you because you caught him doing wrong?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You told him more than you should have. He is mad because......? Because you caught him and he is w/o ammo. You showed yourself as slick as teflon with your rebuttal and he is angry he can't bring you to tears.

That is the way a WS is. Learn it and use it to your BS advantage. RB was used a bit. More than you may realize.

Don't give him anymore explanation. Let him come to you and when he does, give short but non-committal responses.

Ex:

WS: I am angry you got into my e-mail. How dare you invade my privacy.

BS: You already said that. As for your privacy, I understand you are showing your 'privacy' to 'other people'. What's up with that?

WS: Huh? (notice how you are able to deflect his attention, even if it is for a moment)

BS: Privacy....private parts.....hm....private e-mails....private thoughts...private...whatevers. (roll those eyes - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> )

Ws: Well I don't like it.

Bs: Yea, me too.

Ws: Huh?

BS: hm.... do you have a cold?

Ws: Huh?

BS: Are your ears stuff up? You seem to be losing your hearing. Do you need something to clear it up? I might have some medicine in the cabinet.

Ws: Huh? No, I don't have a cold. I'm not sick.

BS: Oh.....ok.

Ws: Oh, I can't remember what we were talking about.

BS: Ok..... (walk away....run... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ).


Btw, this experience has happened to many a BS. Looking back it's funny how the BS has the power to just spin circles around the WS. The effort is worth it if it distracts the WS from attacking or provoking the BS.

This is the beauty of RB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

hahaha....thats good Orchid

Yep, Orchid has it down. I wish I had done more RB.

"Ws: Well I don't like it.

Bs: Yea, me too. "

How can the WS argue with that one?

Well now that he has gotten back over there, its like he has fallen into his "war" personality. I have not heard from him today...no email, no phone call, nothing. I guess he is still mad about the emails...I dont know how long to do Plan A....should I wait 'til May (which is when he said he was coming home)? He told me he was trying to xfer out to another camp to get away from all the bulls**t...well, if you ask me, he created that bulls**t....He is such a different person when he gets back over there..Its like he has multiple personalities and its making me nuts. That place brainwashes him. Now I guess I have to expect not to hear from him days on end b/c of him being there. I hate this. Sometimes I am so ready to give up and say to h**l with it all....

Don't you think it's difficult being in a WAR ZONE or whatever, though?

I probably would be NUTS, too.

How about sending him some inspirational quotations or scriptures?

I don't think u r ready to 'give up'.....you feel like it because u r frustrated.

You've got to relinquish that need to control. Work with what you can control...for now that is you.

L.

I'll never get over this mindset of the WS. You catch them doing wrong and they get mad at you. What they don't get is there is no such thing as private communication, email or otherwise in an honest, open M.

I know but he will not be completely open to me seeing his emails...he has always been that way, even before we were married. He has always said that was his "private" stuff...and before all of this, I have seen his emails and there was nothing to speak of that was bad. Why do I feel like a doormat? Why am I even putting up w/ this crap? He is showing no remorse (but he did acknowledge that he screwed up), no effort to make this work, no emails, no phone calls, not s**t....he is completely and totally depleting my love for him....

If he has t/b that private, then he shouldn't be married. I wouldn't trust such a character, if I were u.

L.

there is only so much I can do from here..I just have to work on me and if he wants to be a part of my life, then so be it....if not, then God has other plans for me...I cannot worry about what he does over there...b/c I know I cannot control it..that is the hardest thing is trying to control what he does and i am having a hard time relinquishing that control....ahhhhhhhh

Hey guys...do you have a copy of the Plan B letter?

I DO NOT RECOMMEND PLAN B FOR YOU!!!

IMO, that would be a BAD, BAD MOVE!!

Didn't you say that in your last interaction your H was angry at you???

R U done with your personal plan A improvements? Your finances in order? Your mind and heart in sync? Have you identified your personal and marital boundaries?

L.

He's overseas..you're practically already in PLAN B...

PLAN B won't be helpful..it has to have a DARK EFFECT...and you're already in the shade...

I know I know I know...No I am not ready for Plan B...I am just getting frustrated...I know I am not ready for that...You guys are right....We actually talked today and he was wonderful on the phone...We talked about normal stuff, work, our dog, etc etc...he told me that he was going to take tomorrow off and hang out in his hootch and rest so I could call him there if I wanted to...He also told me "he loved me" and wished me Happy New Year..He also talked about doing some things for the future financially....so maybehe is "turning around"..I dunno...ya'll I just cannot get my hopes up about this..I was in a very good mood today when we talked. I did not bring up one thing about OW and the EA...so, as ya'll have said all along, remain upbeat and stay in Plan A.....

Hey guys...not sure what to do here..WH is gradually coming back and becoming the man I married. He is calling/emailing more. More open to where he is and what he is doing...can only say so much b/c of him being overseas..but we are communicating more...He still will not allow me access to his emails, when he was here he did not think he needed IC..not sure if he is open to MC when he comes home..it was not mentioned b/c we were not sure about us...And I am just skeptical now about having him back to "normal". Is it going to last? Will this happen again? He is trying to xfer to another base which may take a few days. He has said, many times, that he is ready to come home and he is sick of it over there. He tells me he loves me and he misses me. I just wonder if he is out of the "fog" and means all that he says and is he trying to work things out w/ me or if this is just typical behavior when someone gets busted and the OW is not paying him any attention (apparently, she ended the friendship long before he came home..)..I don't know..I just don't know how genuine he is. I know that if he does not get help, then he will be vunerable to another EA/PA...But on the flip side of that, I honestly don't think that this EA would have ever happened if he was home to where I could provide all of his EN...does that make sense or am I being to naive? Just don't want to get my hopes up about recovery and then have this happen all over again. He is still living up to his word on some financial decisions we have made so I guess that is a plus. He did tell me that if I start getting a lot of boxes from him, that means he is coming home. He is more talkative and more open about what is going on over there. He is just communicating ALOT more w/ me..Am I being paranoid about all this mess?