I have been in Plan A for about a little over a month. WS had a EA on the internet and I believe is in NC. Most on MB know the story.

I am wondering if it is normal for a WS to not provide any feedback? I say I love you and WS ignores it, I do nice things and get no feed back from it. She does not wear her wedding rings, or any of the jewelry I bought her.

What makes a BS a doormat. I am trying to avoid this but I am not sure if some things that I might be doing is doormatish. Is that even a word? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you
Happy New Year

Look at doing the 180 mentioned in several posts herein. I would stop saying I love you, she see's that as being pathetic right now. Don't appear needy, appear in control of you emotions and be strong and attractive. Act and do things that are interesting. Go out and do things, ask her to participate sometimes. If she says no don't make a big deal of it and say great maybe next time.

Keep snooping to make sure of NC. This is critical as she moves through withdrawal

BIC, have you asked her about this? She may be in withdrawal and this would explain her behavior.

Were you able to get that keylogger back on her computer?

She says that nothing is wrong and that she is tired and not feeling well. Gets a little annoyed when I asked also. Tried to ask different ways but always get the same answers.



No I have not. Nor have I tried. She is leaving her computer around the house now, So I will just have to wait and give it time. I do believe that the guy got tired of her lies after I talked to him. Found many more lies that she was telling. Last I seen he moved on and is dating another girl that was/is part of the same online harpies.

Thanks

I did the 180 for a little while before I started the full blown plan A. She started to come around but now she is acting the way I described. Not sure that a 180 would do any good. I will stop with the I Love You again. But how do I know when to start?




She found the software and removed it from her computer. So I am not currently snooping, but I believe that the NC is still good.

Thanks

It is completely normal for the WS not to immediately reconcile with the BS after the affair is over. After all, the WS is not "in love" with the BS anymore, and it feels awkward to jump right back in, especially if they are in withdrawal and pining for the OM.

My WW ended her A on 11/8 and has made no commitment to our marriage. However, we are getting closer and closer, and I can see things tangibly improving. I just have to remain patient, and I know things will work out.

Think of it like this. You need to act like you are courting your wife from the beginning again. After all, she is NOT "in love" with you, and you are trying to get her to be. If you were on your third date with her back in the day and told her "I love you," that would push her away because she wouldn't understand why you would love her so quickly, especially since she didn't love you back. She would think it to be quite creepy. Trust me, you will know the time to say ILY, and hopefully, you can wait to let her say it again first.

Give yourself time to start filling her love bank again, and she will probably start working on the M and tell you ILY when you get her LB back above the romantic love threshold. This will take at least several months, but look for the small signs of improvement.

My WW is wanting to spend more time with me, she talks with me more, she wants me to sit and cuddle with her on the couch as we watch TV, she asks me for backrubs, etc. I am watching her love bank fill up, and you need to take solace in the small progress that you make as well.

Sage advice Jim....

Betrayed,

The 180 is not just for your WW, it is for you too. Making a better YOU and letting her see this person. Don't expect anything other than when you are doing this that you are getting better, healthier, more detached and more capable of being strong in the face of this disaster your WW is putting you through.

Jim,
Thank you for that advice. I see what you are talking about and I think that this is where we are. I don't think that we are even on the second date yet. So I will go slowly and work on the love bank. Mine is just starting to get emptier and emptier as there is nothing going into mine either. I guess when mine is empty that is when the plan B should start. Hopefully I will not look like a doormat and keep building her love bank. But it seems that I am doing a lot for nothing, with no signs of return. But I guess that it normal for her not to return anything.

It is just hard knowing that I am the BS and have to do all the work to keep the marriage together. ALmost did some love busting tonight but I bit my tongue instead. I asked the kids if they wanted to go out for dinner, because my Mom gave me a gift card to a resturant, and then she asked if she was invited. I said of course and she said well you haven't included me all week. I left and did stuff alone. If she wasn't in sight I just left and didn't try to find her and tell her. She spends a lot of time upstairs when I am downstairs. Plus today I went for a bike ride and didn't say anything to her. So I can see her point. Then I told her I was treating her like she treated me on Christmas, I sat on one end of a l-shaped sofa and she sat on the other. When I would move to sit next to her she would move to the other end again. Her BIL noticed it and talked to me about it. I told her this and she stated that she didn't realize she was doing it. I told her that it hurt and others were noticing it.

So I guess I need to slow down and be more patient while building the love banks. It is just so hard with no return.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Pray to God to help you through this. He has made some emergency deposits in my love bank to keep me from going bankrupt.

I added a little verse to my signature that I found today from Ephesians 4:26 through 32. I had to edit it a little to get it to fit within the limit but I think it is very fitting to what is going on with people on this site who are in plan A or 180. I need to follow this verse as I am not always doing all of it.

I pray to God for strength on a daily basis. One of the reasons why I am still hanging in.

God Bless