Well on Christmas I was alone. My son was with his dad and my ws was with ow. It was really hard being alone. I texted him something really simple on christmas. merry christmas with love anika. no pressure nothing. no responce. called on mon she answered and I asked her if I could speak to my husband please. she said he is not here real nasty (big surprisre) and then hung up. he has not talked to me since the day that I confronted him and he told me it was over and that he is filing asap. this was a little over two weeks ago. does it get any better? is there hope?
I guess I just need to know that there is some kind of resolution. I read alot of posts were the marriage works out but can it if the other person is not even really willing to talk?

I have been working on myself IC getting my life in order and all that good stuff. I wonder if it is time for plan B.
His kids are on my insurance and I am on his phone bill and had been paying a little over half. Today I got my own phone and am leaving the bill for him to take care of. I know he is going to be upset oh well. I wonder if this will make it the end for sure? Any suggestions anybody?

Belevier, Pepperband, Mimi, Orchid, JMWC, Any advice would be great.

Sorry for the ramble in the beginging just needed to typing out loud. Will be leaving in a second will respond to posts tommrow.

Thanks guys for being here I dont know were I would be now if I would not have found this sight.

Are you feeling the effect of the anti-depressants yet?

Pep

After catching up with your story, I didn't see anywhere where you exposed to anyone. Have you exposed and to whom? Exposure is the greatest weapon for breaking up the affair. Expose to WH's parents, family, friends, coworkers, and boss. Expose to OW's BF, parents, family, etc. You can't just sit by and hope for the A to end. You need to ATTACK and get on the OFFENSIVE. Don't let your WH walk all over you. He needs to face the consequences of his A. Sure, exposure will piss him off, but it isn't his anger that you should fear, it is his affair. Exposure will deal a major blow to the affair. Think of it this way. You have been unjustly denied your right to a happy, affair-free marriage. Are you going to sit there and take it, or are you going to protest, stand up, and fight for your rights? Make sure you don't make it easy on him to leave you. Make him pay for what is his. My WW wouldn't stop calling OM on her cell phone, so I was about to cancel her service until she finally ended it with OM. When you are around WH, you need to avoid LBs and try and fulfill ENs, which in his case probably is admiration. Read up about everything on this site, and purchase SAA. You will get through this one way or the other.

Jim... she "exposed" at their job site

by having an "altercation" with OW

not the best way, for sure
but exposure at the job site? ... "check"

Pep

pep, how long does someone stay in Plan A before Plan B...I think Anika has only been in Plan A for a short while....

really depends on how off kilter the BS behavior was pre-affair

usually shorter Plan A for women 1-2 months tops

somewhat longer Plan A for men (convincing a WW that the BH's behavioral changes are sincere takes about twice as long as a WH, I've noticed)

the problem with this exact situation is this ~~~> the marriage is too brief to use that history as a strong suit

I tend to advise short-time-married BS with no children to bail early ... what we are looking at is more likely to be a lifestyle choice than an actual "marriage problem"

in my opinion

Pep

What does his employer think about their continued affair? I would call them back up and ask them what they are going to do about it. Afterall, it leaves them wide open for a host of lawsuits. I don't know the state where you live, but there are several legal avenues to pursure including alien of affection and harassment lawsuits. Consult a lawyer and protect your finances TODAY!

On a side note, I personally think you should move on and count your blessings that you didn't have any children with this SOB. First, he abuses his first wife and children. Then in his second marriage he is emotionally distant and cheats on you after just one year of marriage. It sounds to me that your WH has MAJOR character flaws that you shouldn't have to deal with. You need IC to figure out why your first marriage didn't work, and why you married a man with such a flawed character.

I know we are in a business of saving marriages here on MB, but I haven't heard one redeeming quality about WH that makes me think that you should try and salvage a relationship with this man. Think about things and answer this question for me: Why are you trying to save this marriage? I think the answer will go a long ways to determining what you should do next.

You mentioned above "he's going to be upset...." Well hells bells let him join you, me and everyone else's whose lives have been destroyed by cheaters like him. To ****** with him being upset.

You do what's best for you and the family and if he gets it then great and if not who cares if he's upset or not. It may be good for him to get upset. What if anything can you do about OW, further exposure (parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, etc).

Hey guys thank you for all your input. I am at the point were I am agreeing with you.

Jim, yes I am in individual counciling right now and am trying to figure out why I married someone like him. I guess you always think but with me it is going to be differant.
I believed he has a good heart but the more I am in this and seeing how he is acting I am not sure.
If someone looks at you and tells you they do not love you enough to do what it takes to make you feel loved maybe there is your sign.

I think I hold on because I know I love busted all over this relationship from the beginging and I really feel like if I were my husband married to me I do not know if I would not of made the same choice.

What I am seeing with my seven year old son really scares me. We were driving in the car today and he started to tell me about how he liked hurting himself. Hitting his head against the wall, cutting himself, hurting himself on purpose. My son at seven has seen more life then most adults. He is in counciling just started. He is very defiant now that my hus is gone and maybe that is another reason I want to hold on.

If you guys have any advise let me know.

Jim,
Sorry his employers do know and they say there is nothing they can do. His whole family knows and so does his freinds and no body agrees with what he is doing but what can they do about it. By the way I live in Ohio. We had nothing mixed exsept our rent and I make enough money that it is really not an issue. What I find fasinating is I have more money now then I did when he was with me. Go figure.

Pepperband,
Sorry I just read your thing again and yes they have kicked in. I will have to say there is a huge diffrance then when all this started out. I feel like I have some equalibriam and my whole world is not spinning as much. I still have moments. Obviously Christmas was one of them but over all things are much better in that respect.

Thanks for asking and for caring. Pepperband what exactly is your story?

A lot of HR people on the lower levels would rather not do their job and just ignores these types of things. I wouldn't just give up on this avenue just yet. Make sure the general manager knows, and if he doesn't seem like he wants to do anything, contact corporate to see if anyone will do anything. And again, let them know that you EXPECT them to do something, but don't threaten them. Letting know your expectations will make them fear that you will possibly litigate them without your having to make a direct threat. Even if there is nothing that you can do, it will make them more uncomfortable for them to allow the A in the workplace and likely they will take it out on your WH and OW. Make it uncomfortable as ****** for this to continue. Even if WH's boss tells WH to tell you to stop calling, that is a victory for you because it makes him extremely uncomfortable. He can't control what you do, and if you want your WH to take the heat keep it up. Your goal is to remove the fantasy of the affair and get your WH back to reality.

I believe this is Anika's original thread - I will try to come back and look at it tomorrow, but in the meantime anyone with a moment please jump in.
Mulan

I'm scared for your son. Is this your husband's child? I hope the boy is in counseling, because he needs it very much. If he is not your husband's child, I suggest you unload your husband. Your son needs all of your efforts.

I remember now - the boy is your husband's. Is he living with you? If so, my advice will change.

Sorry guys I have just gotten on here. No he is not my WH he is from my prvious marriage. I have him in Intencive counciling. He seems to be doing better. I am spending tons of time with him and having tons of snuggles. He is a great kid and deserves better then this crap that my WH is doing.

I will not be able to check responces till tommrow. I really appriciate all of your input.