Depending on your son's feelings for his GF, this situation might require more than just "telling" him.

As I've mentioned before, my FWW first cheated on me a few years before we were M'd. When she broke the news to me, I was totally distraught, and ended up discussing it with my mum a day or so later. My mum gave her opinion on the situation, but she did not advise that my GF was quite likely not M material, nor did she engage me in any kind of discussion about what I should really be looking out for in a long-term relationship. I ended up making up with my GF a few days later because I was still "in love" ... and 12 years later ended up suffering through another betrayal on a much, much greater scale.

Fidelity before M is no guarantee that fidelity would occur for the length of the M. However IMO infidelity before an M is quite likely a good sign that infidelity would occur during the M. I'm trying to make the best of what's left of my M now, but I will likely always be troubled by the thought that I might have been much better off today had I listened to reason, not emotion, so many years ago.

So where is this all leading? I'd like to suggest that when you break the news of what you know to your son, that you try to engage him with this in mind - if his GF is untrustworthy now, she's likely to be untrustworthy again in the future, at a time when it might be considerably more difficult to simply walk away.

I think that you should tell your son what you know as Pep suggested.

Morning B,

Any idea as to which way to go?

Just don't let this GF snow your son with any fast talk. I'm sure as a BS and mom that you won't though.

M2L

M2L - I talked to her last night, and she was attempting a snow job. I'm still processing stuff......

The whole thing was so out of character for her, I don't know what to think. For one, she came back drunk, and has never been a drinker. She had a different "friend" in tow, and I talked to him too. He is 10 years older than she, and get this, has only been out of prison for 4 days.

Perhaps what she did was not out of character - it simply was the side of her that she did not want you or your son to see.

How much do you or your son REALLY know about his GF? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I really don't know, MIM.....

Last night I sat and chatted with them - GF, jailbird, 2 sons, and some of their friends. I asked how the food was in the slammer, and he told me it was real good at Donovan (our county jail, I think. Said they even had a salad bar.

Then he continued telling me about the food at about 7 other places he was locked up!!!!!! Turns out he has been in jail 7 out of the last 10 years.

But GF definitely knew him from before. Very strange. I'm still trying to put it together.

believer,

Ya gotta tell your son. Don't make MEDC come over her and point out the obvious. Your sons life may be at stake if she is doing more than just "talking" with these "friends." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Your son has a right to know.

ZOIKS!!! I don't get a good feeling about this, Believer! How long has your son been together with GF? Does your son know this guy? At this point, I don't see any reason NOT to disclose the FACTS that you have witnessed, to your son.

I know. I will talk with him today.

We have known GF for about 6 years - she is part of the gang of kids that is always around.

I talked more to her after jailbird was gone. She kept telling me what a good guy he has always been......
YIKES!!! The things he went to jail for were bad (not that you go to jail for good things) - selling drugs (bad drugs), car chases with the cops.

You would have to know me, but all of this is waaayyyyyy out there for our family. I look away even when I'm driving past the jail.

Ooops, I probably shouldn't use the word jailbird. Sorry if I offended anyone.

Also, don't allow that piece of CRAP in your house again. From what you said of your conversation, he's not REFORMED at all, and jail/prison is just something he has to put up with in order to continue his way of life. I've seen way too many guys like this one; get him away from your family, he's bad news...

Don't worry, I already let her know not to bring him around anymore. That's when I got the "but he is such a good person" speech.

I totally agree with Pep also and the way he suggested to do it, by just casually stating the facts.

It seems to me that your son should get the facts and confront the GF himself.

Better these things get out in the open now.

Boy o boy what a web we have here!!! Just think if the mother in this case was not a MB member, how they would/could believe the snow job that the GF is feeding.

Please keep us posted B

Sorry you're having to deal with this stuff b.

I would agree with Pep and Mel on this one. Think of how your son would feel in a few years if he finds out you knew of this and did not tell him. I understand you don't want to see your son hurt, but not telling him would be more hurful in my opinion.

This is defenitely a time where your emotions should not direct what decision you make.

good luck b!

Without a doubt, and especially after meeting her 'friend', you should tell your son. Surely he would understand your concerns?

Turns out that I didn't have to tell my son. She did. And she was very angry. She hasn't seen my son all day. She thinks that I don't like her "friend", and he is not welcome in my home, and she is right.

So when did the 'abduction' take place? This is NOT the person you once knew, right?

Howz your son doing? Best this stuff come out now than later. I am dealing with a case that should have been put out of it's misery years ago but now 4 kids later, the BS finally is getting his act together and we (family) are getting the phone calls. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Stand strong B. I know you w/b there for your son.

Hugz to u both.

L.