Hi everybody...I am going to cut and paste a few posts from JROBIN on this thread so that she can have input from the 'many'.

First Post:

I have been separated from my WH for 3 weeks now-his choice to leave. He called this morning and left message on machine to our son "Hi buddy just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and I love you." no mention of me at all-it hurts so bad. I feel like I have not only lost my H but mt best friend.

I printed out the letter to WS's by Trueheart-do you guys think it is ok to give a copy to my husband when I see him or no?

Thanks

Second Post
I have posted before but I will give a little recap. H told me in Aug he "wasnt happy never really loved me" etc. In Oct found out about OW but they were "just friends" the contact continued. 3 weeks ago he said that he couldnt (or wouldnt??) treat me the way I deserve to be treated so he moved out. OW is married too and I did tell her H.

H has had very little contact with me since leaving although he does call son daily. Everyone at work knows (we work together) about the A.

He spoke to SH this week but has not spoken to me since his appt so I dont know what his thoughts are after speaking to Steve. Steve wants to talk to both of us next...not sure if he will agree.

One other thing that worries me is he is now frequenting bars with the guy he is staying with-I feel he is probably pikcing up girls there too-so its not just this other woman I have to contend with anymore.

JR,

I am sorry that you find yourself in the situation that you are. Be prepared for a tough road ahead...but also know that it will get better. The more informed you are, and have a plan on what to do, the better it will get.

Glad to see that Steve Harley is on board...that's just great....you couldn't be in better hands.

Now...you say that your H has spoken to Steve...have you?

You say you have posted before..have you at least read the articles and materials available on this site?

How old is your son, and how long have you been married?

Is this the first time that your WS is wayward, or has this happened before?

Others here do a better job of 'starting off' a new BS thread and getting the basic information from BS, and giving out also the basic info., and I am hoping some of the 'experts' will show up soon.

...but from memory....I know it will be helpful if you could provide info. on the questions I have asked.

Yes I have spoken to Steve twice and like I said he has recommended to my H that we fill out emotional needs questionaire and then call in together but I have not spoken to H since he talked to Steve-my H is very distant from me. Should I call him and say when do you want me to make our appt together?

We have been married 15 yrs together 18. Our son is 11. This is the 1st time anything like this has happened.

I have read surviving an affair and his needs her needs. Its just so hard to make any headway though with him out of the house.

JR,

Well...I don't see any other way really than to ask him (a) whether he has filled out the questionnaire, and if so (b) to decide a convenient time for both of you to talk to Steve

Do you think your WS has talked or is willing to talk to Steve for the form, or because he sincerely wants to work on M?

Has Steve advised you about whether or not you should be doing a PLAN A/B?




Do you not see each at work?

I am hoping others will come to give you their feedback, suggestions, and guidance.

Yes we see each other at work but last week the office was closed so no contact then. He doesnt have computer so I will have to print the questionaire off the computer for him which I dont mind doing.

I feel like since I havent talked to H since Thursday and he didnt even bring up the fact he talked to Steve I dont feel like he is interested in working on M at this point.

steve told me that if H is not willing to continue counseling and filling out questionaires then I will need to go to plan b. I kind of feel like I am in plan b now anyway since we dont really talk and when we do it is only about our son.

Hi jrobin,

Sorry you're here. You're on the right path talking to Steve H.

A couple of observations:

Regarding losing your best friend (H) and his avoidance of you. It hurts, I know. Your WS likely is experiencing profound guilt for betraying you. On the other hand, he will likely seem confident and resolute in his actions, and many of the words he uses will hurt. Continue to brace yourself.

HL

I don't know that doing the questionaires is anything that will help at this point but if Steve said to do it then do it.

Presumably you have exposed to ANYONE who could possibly have an effect on his behaviour? If not then you should do that and don't spare his feelings.

Then I suggest a solid Plan A. Please see th elink to Pep's Plan A below in my signature.

Who is the OW? does she have family you can expose to? Does she work with you as well?