So my H has committed to counseling beginning after the first of the year. And I'm glad but when do I start to feel better about the A. I know we've got a long road ahead as its only been 4 mos since last contact. He refuses to write a NC letter because he says it will only open a door he has already shut but I feel like he has left that door open by not directly communicating that their "friendship" is over. He admits to having feelings for her but won't define them. I don't know if I'll ever feel safe again. I grew up in a very disruptive unstable household and security and trust are so important to me. Does this ever come back?? Right now his A and love are one in my head. Am I wrong? Can you cheat and still love your spouse the way you always did? Doesn't this mean we jut aren't right for eachother so to speak? He has very P/A tendancies and I'm starting to notice them more often but I know not nearly as much as I should. He keeps addressing that I don't love him or like him. Which I know is a manipulative act but how do I address it without making him feel like he's right? He's very insecure and he has clearly worked very hard to recreate his relationships with his parents in our marriage. Which is something he has to work out in IC but its his anger towards his parents that hes taking out on us. I sypathize with all this but still dealimg with the A is quite another story. Does anyone have any good ideas for dealing with the kick-you-in-the-stomach thoughts that play in your head? All the times where you can't do things because it reminds you of that time? I don't want anything to do with things that they did together. The holidays were very hard because their relationship started then and they spent those days togther at work and exchanged presents. Via secret santa but still very hurtful. How do you begin to regain respect for a person who hurt you that way? These thoughts make me sick to my stomach and they just keep coming-any ideas?

Melly