Divorce was final on December 5...

On xmas morning I received a call from someone I didn't know, when I answered the phone, the caller called me by OW's name.

Apparently, he had become friendly after WX and OW became involved and he never even knew that WX was married at the time. I kind of went off on him, but he did have the grace to be apologetic and embarrased. I did call him back later and leave a message aplogozing for going off on him, as it was obvious he did not know and it was not anything intentional.

At any rate, I sent WX an email asking who this guy was and why he was calling here since XW has been gone for several years...

His response was...and I quote "Pissed you off did it. I hope you were rude too rude to him, he is a pastor".

I responded that of course it pissed me off and yes I was rude and now that I knew he was a pastor, I understoond why he didn't know that WX was married to someone else.

Over three days or so, I left him a vm and sent 2 em telling him that I thought his response had been deliberately cruel and I did not understand why he felt compelled to treat me that way, that I had done nothing to deserve that and that I felt like he owed me some sort of explanation or apology. After no response, I sent one final email telling him that it was obvious he felt like he had done nothing wrong and I was not going to get any kind of apology or explanation. And then just said..."Anyway I hope you had a good xmas and are doing well".

This moring I got an email that he apparently sent several days ago...but for some reason just now got. He told me quote...to "quit taking everything as a direct slap in the face"....I was being a "drama queen"...and that I sounded "obsessed and borderline psychotic".

You know at this point I just don't know...did I overreact? or is this just defensiveness over being called on the carpet and being held accountable for his behavior. I did tell him in the last email that I realized he had no control over who called this house and what they said, that I did not think it was anything deliberate, but nevertheless it had been very upsetting and humiliating and I all I expected was just a little human kindness...a simple "I am sorry you were put in that position"...anything just acknowledging that it had hurt me.

Obviously, asking too much I gues.

Your WX obviously triggers some strong emotions in you. Just ignore the SOB. Really, who cares whether or not you were too rude. If he is a pastor, he understands the hurt you must have gone through and how calling you OW's name must have triggered some bad feelings. Don't talk to your WX. He is just baiting you. You divorced him to protect yourself from continuing to get hurt by him, so protect yourself.

if you can find out where the pastor works

send a donation of some sort there ... with a note ... "With my apologies. You accidently stepped onto some of the emotional backwash from the hurt I experienced from XH's adultery ... and I responded inappropriately. Please accept this token of my appreciation for your understanding and kindness."

do NOT speak to XH at all ... just be super wonderliscious to the pastor...

this will eventually retun you some bonus ...

God Bless

Pep

in other words...

you neatly go from
"drama queen"
to
"queen of grace"

it's a choice you have

Pep

this right here....


.... is where you took yourself down the emotionally rocky road ....

your EXPECTATIONS took you down

do not expect a wolf to behave like a lamb

Thanks for the responses, guys. When you are caught up in the emotions it is hard to know when you are letting them get the better of you. Apparently, the pastor recently moved to a town not too far away from here and since this was the last phone # he had for WX..just assumed he was still here, I guess.

jmwc95 ...yes, one of the reasons that this triggered such emotion in me is because all throughout our marriage WX would minimize any hurt he caused and refuse to take any personal responsibility. I don't think in 18 years of marriage I ever got one single heart felt apology for anything. ANd one of the mistakes I realized that I made in our marriage is that I let him get away with it and never really expressed how badly some of the things he said and did hurt me.

I wasn't going to this time...and wanted him to know that I was hurt.

sweetie

let me be blunt...

brace yourself

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

XH knows how much you hurt

he
does
not
give
a
chit

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

so you actually wanted him to CARE how much you were hurt ... you know he knows ... he's a wolf, remember?

Pep

You are right, it was unreasonable to expect it...the thing is I didn't really expect it, I guess...but I still wanted it.

I just don't know if wanting it makes me some sort of over sensitve drama queen...was it wrong for me to think I deserved some sort of apology...whether or not it was wrong to think he'd ever give me one??

Did I have a right to be hurt, is I guess what I am asking.

it is not wrong for you to want to be treated with decency

so ... surround yourself with people who are capable of behaving with decency

and don't cozy up to a wolf if you are a lamb

Thanks...Pep

Pep - Awesome feedback!

XH may come to you

someday
perhaps years from now

and express remorse

it will be on his timetable
and after he's experienced some spiritual enlightenment
usually after suffering a loss of his own

until that time
keep the wolf at a safe distance

Pep