I am just wondering if there are rules on what can be asked on marriage builders. Sometimes I will ask a question and not get any kind of responce and am wondering if I am asking questions that are out of bounds or are not appropriate to marriage builders.
Are there questions that should not be asked to other posters?
If this is the case please let me know what the guide lines are so I can stay within them.

Thanks Guys!

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I just posted on your other thread. Also, it is best to keep your entire story on just one thread so others can easily follow. I generally find that the more detail you put in your posts, and the more you follow the advice of people posting to you, more people will post to your story. Also, it helps if you have a catchy thread title.

It's also a holiday weekend, and things slow down here for both events. There will probably be more people around tomorrow.
Mulan

Anika,

Don't take it personally. I just took a look at some of your threads, and I think, actually, you are getting more response than some people have.

As someone else advised, it is better to keep your story on one thread so that it easy to keep track of.

We are all just fellow-sufferers and nobody here is a professional. The more you tell about your life and history the more people have to go on.

People might read your post and feel that they have nothing to offer if you have an unusual case.

If you answer people's questions, give more information and ask questions in return people usually stay tuned and come back to your thread.

Weekends and holidays are slow - since most people are posting from work.

Also, there are a number of threads here which don't actually involve much current marriage building - and tend to soak up a lot people's time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I noticed that you asked Pepperband about her story (and she has not yet responded - possibly didn't see the question). If you want to know anybody's story, just go to any of their posts, and click on their screen-name. Then click on "see all of yyyy's posts". Also, you can use the "Search" function at the top of any window - and search on user-name. You can specify "older than one year" to look at old posts or... well, just play around with it. You'll see how it works. I've been around here 5 years. Probably most current members have never read my story.

Although someone said that you get better response if you take the advice given to you, remember this is your life and your marriage. Don't hand it over to us. You (and God) are in charge! Still, people are going to interact more with you if you respond to their suggestions in some way.

Best wishes to you for a Happy New Year!

-AD (40-something guy, divorced now over a year)

Anika - Look at the number of your posts, and the number of mine. Half of my posts were posting to myself. If you don't get answers, post again (on the same post). This is not a place to be shy.

Some of us are in and out all day, and tend to look at the stuff on the first page.

Hey guys thanks for replying!

I was not asking because of the lack of responces. I reaaaaaly appriciate all the input that I have gotten. I truly do not know what I would have done without this sight in the past few weeks. The encouragement and the ability to just vent. I also appriciate some of you straight shouters (pepperband and jmwc:)) and also the people who have given me a lift in my spirits when I felt like I wanted to end it all (believer and lovegod)

I want to make sure that the questions that I ask are not to personal and ok. Just like AA has a set of rules as far as what is ok and not ok I was wondering if with the mb sight had a set of unspoken rules.

_ad_ thank you for responding. I really do want my marriage to at least have a fair shake and if it does die I want to go out knowing that I gave my best. I believe that at some point my husbands beer goggles will come off and I want to
be ready spirtually and phyiscally for what the future holds
with or without him.

You always tell someone you never know what you will do until you are in the situation and you walk in their shoes. The thing with this sight is that almost evreyone hear has walked in these shoes.

JMWC from previous post
I will go to corporate. I am not sure how to get that info. as far as the number to contact. Will research tommrow

On a side note. Does anybody know how long affairs generally last and is there a less chance of reconcilation when partner moves in with ow?

Most affairs last from 6 months to 2 years. Usually moving in with the OW will kill the affair sooner because they will experience the problems of living with another person, and it will kill the fantasy of the reality.

You said that OW and WH's best friend are like Jerry Springer trash, but your WH seems to fit right in there with him. Do you really want to stay with this man?

Hey Jim:
No I am not sure if I want this man. At this point I do not really have a choice in the matter. He has made it for me.

Jim I think about what it was like when we first started and the marriage and all the counciling we did before we got married. I do wonder if it is worth it.

Right now I am just sitting still and figuring me out and dealing with the issues with my son who by the way talks about him (ws) evrey day. If anything that is what hurts most. It is like the kids suffer for our stupid mistakes and they are the ones that have to live the legacy of divorce and infid. Unfortunatly this will be the second one for my son if it does not work out.

Maybe that is why I am hanging on. My husband not ws I know has a good heart. He committed his life to Christ and was trying to sereve God and then this whole mess started. You know honestly I wish I had a glimpse into the future and then I would be able to make a more accurate judgement. I bet we all wish that.

Jim how are things going for you now? Any better? Anymore thoughts from you would be great.

Anika - Could you continue on your other thread? Then we can all keep up with your story.

Things have been progressing S...L...O...W...L...Y. There has only been two short phone calls since 11/8 (11/28 and 12/16), and I really have a feeling that she won't break NC anymore. There is some hugging and cuddling affection that tends to increase each week. I'm just taking it one day at a time.

Hey Believer
absoulutly I can do that. So do I go to the orginal thread and keep posting there? What does bump mean?

Believer how are you holding up? Is your ex still trying to get ahold of you?

Just FYI there is another website that is also awesome **************************

Anika,

What do you find so awesome about sink your marriage central?

Go to original post, or post that has the most info, and post there. Sorry, but it is extremly confusing otherwise.

Bigkahuna,
I am confused by your question? The website acctually uses Marriage Builders as their guide. That is what I found so interesting that the principels are expanded not only here. It sounds like I offended you. I hope not.

Anika - you didn't offend me at all.

Big K:
Another thing that I found fasitnating is they had an article that really made me think. When I stood before
God and my friends and family and said to death do us part did I mean it? Through thick and thin. Good times and bad? I would classify this as bad and worse.
Pepole ask me why am I holding out. Here is why I have a God who held out for me even when I was unfaithful in evrey sence of the word. He loved me inspite of me and was faithful to me even when I was not. I am taking my vows very seriously this time around. It will be him who will have to make it happen.
Even though I have made mistakes in the beginging if it does end I will go out with grace and there will be no doubt that my ws will see Gods love in me.

Anika,

I hope I'm not just nit-picking here. (Or that others don't think I am).

Sometimes we speak using figures of speach while internally we think of things a little differently. What am I talking about?

Why use passive terms? The mess didn't start itself. Somebody (two somebodies) started it.

We all are subject to failure, but the situation you describe calls into question your husband's sincerity. You say "he committed...". He committed his life to you too. Has he, in the past, been a man who consistently keeps his commitments?

I know that many people would often write some things about my ex-wife here - that to me seemed untrue. Sometimes an outside perspective helps.

Does your H act as if "committment" means anything to him? Or, is pretended "committment" only a means that he uses to manipulate others' perception of him?

So, I say : He and his OW did this. It did not just "happen". And... it might not represent a failure of his committment but rather his general insincerity.

-AD

_AD_
I am going to go to bed tonite and really think about what you are asking me? Tommrow I will let you know what I come up with.

Anika

Uh oh!

I don't want to be responsible for your dreams.

DISCLAIMER : I failed at marriage. Take my comments in that light.

-AD

_AD_
You are funny:) Dont worry I wont hold you accountable!
I will say though that it is something for me to ponder.
Anika