Boss Lady - thanks for putting yourself out there - but I would have to agree - you probably need your own thread.

Nebraska

I didn't have an affair while living with my husband either. Your relationship sounds alot more messed up than what you're telling us, even if you would have listened to her and not kicked her out eventually she would have had the affair just the same. How can she have someone "waiting in the wings" and yet not call it an affair?

If she lied to not jeopardize getting you back then she may be lying now about having sex with her boyfriend for the same reasons.

You're insisting she break up with this guy...that's pressure. She's told you she still has feelings for him and until she resolves this you guys don't stand a chance.

Your entire story sounds obsessive to me...from her begging you not to leave...to you now begging her to come back.

Have you tried dating anyone else these past few months? Have you spoken to a close family member or friend? Are you going to take your 90 days with or without her?

Boss Lady - Please start your own thread.

Bmmg - I just want you to open your eyes and look at the situation for what it is. Curiousity got the better of me and that's why I'm here but I will not be posting my own thread any time soon.

You weren't living with your WH at the time of the affair? Why? Because you wanted your space (to pursue OM)? Sorry, marriage doesn't work that way. You don't date other people when you are married. If she wants to stay married, she should definitely break up with her boyfried. She won't resolve her feelings for him while she is still seeing him. You break up with that person, and then the feelings will eventually subside. Why don't you read Dr. Harley's 4 part discussion on infidelity. There is a link to it at the top of the page. I think he's more of an expert on the subject than you.

Will you please stay off of mine?

Jim - It seems to me that the people here have placed more importance on the marriage itself than the people who are involved in the marriage.

How can you judge one's actions if you do not know all the details of the circumstance?

Maybe you should ask for forgiveness since you have placed judgement on me.

Does the fact that I may be right bother you Bmmg?

Do you want to make a decision based on only one sided advice? They speak about her fog but seems to me that you are in their fog by closing your mind to any advice that you've already decided you don't want to hear.

Hate me now...thank me later.

Boss Lady, what is your obsession with my particular situation. You have stated your ideas. Move on - this is not yor life its' mine.

Nebraska

Here's how the ignore feature works here, you click on the troll's er... I mean poster's name amd then scroll down where it says ignore this poster. Click on it.

~ Marsh

What importance did you put on your BH? I'm of the strict belief that if you make a commitment to someone, you should keep it. It is up to YOU to find a way to be happy with the person you chose to marry.

What details do I need? You had sex with another man while you were married. Everything else is just excuses and justifications.

Why should I ask for forgiveness? I haven't placed judgment on you. I have only said what you DID was immmoral and wrong, not YOU are immoral. You still have time to ask for forgiveness.

do you know how to put a poster on ignore?

look at the name just above their registration date... click on the name

you will be on a page showing the info they have decided to make public

look at the bottom right,
there is an "ignore this poster" option

if you click on it
you will lnow when a poster has posted

but in the text it will read

*** you are ignoring this poster ***

it can be UN-chosen whenever you like

just FYI

Pep

Thanks, I'm not going to clog up bmmg's post anymore.

Look JMW - I wasn't living with him because I couldn't take the emotional affairs my husband kept having that started before we married and kept having until the day I left.

I agree one shouldn't date while they're married & that's why Bmmg's wife needs to resolve the relationship with her boyfriend before he takes her back.

I am not an expert nor do I claim to be but I have lived this experience and felt I could shed some light. I really did not expect such a cruel reception.

It is your life. I was only tried to clear up some of the fog. Your situation really hit home and I feel for you...I do.

I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks for the help ya'll.

guess my thread got trashed. I really appreciate all of the advice.

If you refer to me I gave you the other side. I only came across your thread because the subject was too close to mine. I did give you the advice from someone who experienced the other side of this. You seem like a decent guy that is very mixed up and has not heard it from someone who has done it. I wish you the best of luck.

I think BL maybe the OM in real life. LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

the question is:

can sexual desire be recovered?

the answer is:

yes, it is possible ... but it takes a willingness to turn things around ... and there can be NO "other person" waiting on the sidelines as a fallback option

Pep