I am reposting this in General Questions, I didnt get much response in Resolving Conflict

Well i'm here again. You can look up my history, I am still working out of town. My wife has been in a really bad mood lately. She tells me she is not happy, she feels like I dont show her love.

She calls me at work at least 10 times a day on my cell phone and if I dont answer she gets mad. If I try to hang up before her, she gets mad. I am getting fussed at lately for anything I do, or dont do. I work out of town and go home on Wed nite and Friday afternoon every week. She has made me give her my work email so she can check up on me. If my phone rings when I am home I have to answer for it. I have a job that requires me to be on the phone a lot. I feel like I am under a spot light all the time. I cannot stand staying on the phone at nite for hours and I cannot hang up first because she feels I am rejecting her, yet she doesnt say anything on the phone.

I realize she has a lot of work to do at home with the kids. I am constantly getting fussed at, frankly I dont want to call her bec. I know I will get fussed at for some reason, if the kids did something during the day she didnt like it is my fault. I am really getting tired of all of this. I am thinking of leaving. I really dont want to because of the kids but I dont know what else to do. I am not the one that cheated on her, she cheated on me, but one would think it is the other way around.

We went with two other couples for the 1st and I heard her tell her girlfriend who asked how our weekend was that she realized we wernt the only couple that had disagreements. I thought that would have helped but this morning on my way to work, when I called, {because I have to call first, if I dont that means I don't love her} she hung up on me when after we talked about my ride to work, I said that I was at work and I would call her later.

What is up with all of that. I feel like I am bieng treated like a child. She is pushing me away with all of the bitching and complaining. She is one of the most negaitive people that I know. I dont know what to do anymore.

Hi imconfused2-

Welcome to MB-you've found a good place to work on your M.

First of all I'd encourage you to read the links on this page-starting with the Most Important Emotional Needs and the Summary of Basic Concepts and even look at the Emotional Needs Questionaire.

You said your wife cheated on you.Could you answer a few questions about that? How long ago? Was it an EA (emotional affair) or a PA (physical affair)? Have you both dealt with that? Did her fussing start before or after that?

I would point you to the links again about infidelity and how affairs start.

How long have you worked in a job that takes you away from your family? Before the A or after? Before her unhappy behavior or after? There are reasons why she is bitching and complaining. You way she is "one of the most negative people" you know. Was she always like that?

I'm not trying to be nosy, but just get some clarification that might help.

Please keep posting. There are others here who will be able to give you more insights.

Hang in there!

I found out about the affair July 1st 05. It was a physical affair and she lies and says it was for 4 months but I know it was longer that that. I have gotten over the affair. I have been working away from home for 6 months. I try to do everythign she asks of me, and I do realize it is hard to take care of the kids at home. The company will be moving where I live so this is temp. for me to work out of town. I cant take getting fussed at all the time. I am starting to think she is up to something.

It sounds like there has been a disconnect between you both for a while. How did you recover from the A? Did you both attend counseling?

Dr. Harley's concepts of the Love Bank and Emotional Needs (EN) really seems to apply for both of you. When you meet each other's needs, you fill up the other person's love bank. There are behaviors that empty your account in your partner's love bank. These Love Busters (LB's) are explained in the link to Dr. Harley's basic concepts.

When one person's bank is low, and those needs get met by someone else, then an affair is very likely to happen.

Your wife is fussing at you because she needs something from you to feel loved and secure. Her way of demanding it from you isn't helping-it's an LB for sure and is emptying her "account" in your love bank. But, you aren't meeting a need she has also and so she fusses and her love bank account for you gets smaller.

If you want to try to work on things, try to figure out what her EN's are-maybe offer to do the questionairre with her so you both can talk about it. Or read Harley's book "His Needs Her Needs" together.

She also may be depressed. Has she always been negative like this or is this a change in behavior? Her "bad mood" and "not being happy" could be a sign of depression.

I hope this helps. Please take some time to read the links. There is a lot of good information here for every marriage.

That is it I am moving out when I get home this afternoon. I cannot take bieng fussed at every day. She called me 4 times this morning and fussed at me every time. She wants me to move out. So I am. Nothing I do is ever good enough for her, so she will actually see what it will be like with me not bieng there. Maybe she will see what life will be like and appreciate all the thing that I do for her, instead of demanding more more more.

Are your two or have you two been to counseling? This sounds very much like something a counselor could be a big help with.

Why would you move out of your home and jeopardize custody with your kids if your M doesn't make it?

Lastly, you don't think she is seeimg someone else again do you? And, that she could be using the interaction with you as a way to drive you away so that she can have this new relationship?

Thought the same thing. Sounds like a distinct possibility to me.