I was following your posts because I identified with some of your situation. Hadn't read from you in awhile, and was just wondering how things are going for you and where you are in your situation now?

Uh, not so good, Cat. The wife is still stuck in the affair. I had a bit of a confrontation with the OM on the phone (good thing he doesn't live around here or I'd be in jail now.)

I filed for divorce. Why? I'm tired of being treated with disrespect. Tired and disgusted with her when she runs up to see the jerk under various pretexts. I don't want my son to grow up seeing the current relationship as his model for a marriage -- there are absolutely no visible signs of affection between us.

Do I still love her? Yes, but if I continue to take this crap I will lose my self respect.

What do I want? The same thing most of us want. I want the affair to end. I want us to save our marriage. I want my family to be whole again.

All summer long she emphasized that divorce was what she wanted. So why didn't she file when she had the chance? She wants the house but can't afford it. She needs me to share house payments while she whittles down her credit card debt so that she can qualify for the mortgage. In other words, her motives for not filing are financial.

Cat, she was a wonderful woman before the affair, but she is unbearable to be around now. I did everything I knew to try to save my marriage. There's nothing else left to try.

HEY HIKER! I too have been wondering about you and how you were. Still going to call you one day if I ever find time (2 year old son and all).

I think you are doing the right thing. I have followed your ordeal and it sounds so much like mine I can't believe it. Sounds like your WW, just like mine, is only concerned about herself and the fix from her A. If the timing is right then I would make my move for custody, finances, etc within the framework of the court and let her and OM have their fantasy. I predict it lasts less than 3 years and she is back begging for you to consider reconciliation or she will get a bigger shovel, proclaim her pride and bury herself further. Either way you and your son will not be around to experience it.

Well, Hope, I think she's emotionally better prepared for this than I am; she's been through this before (two previous husbands). I don't imagine her ever coming back for reconciliation. Dr. Harley said she appears to be someone who has had relationship problems in the past and has found it easier to drop the old relationship for a new one and a "clean" slate, rather than work out the issues.

I'm too close to it to be objective. I just know she was great to be with before the affair, but I'm not likely to see that side of her personality again, so I might just as well call it quits now and get it over with.

((((((Oh Hiker))))))

I thought since we didn't hear from you in awhile, things were better. I'm sorry.

I too filed for the same reason as you, although I regret doing so. I think I was hasty, maybe should have done things differently, although like you, I couldn't take it anymore, knowing he was sleeping with her etc.

I was/am tired of being humiliated. He's living with another woman, pretending they are just roomies, while still M to me! He still has not admitted he's in an A! What kind of role model is that for our kids? Sick how he can even do it!

Our D should be final in a few months.


Is WW still living with you? WH moved out before I filed. It's only after I found out he was living with OW, is when I filed.


Hang in there. I will pray for you.

Hey there Hiker!

Your sitch mirrors so many here! My WH has had more than one type of affair over the last 1.5yr, showing no signs of remorse or WANT of this M. I'm preparing to file sooner than later if he does not come through with the LSA. I've been waiting since July for these papers.

I think a D would be best for me, at this point. I was not the best woman to be around after my son was born when I felt like I was left with EVERYTHING to take care of, with no appreciation; typical, I guess. I handled the sitch poorly, LB, DJ's, anything to demand the help I needed. I've more than taken my fair share of abuse since then, and can no longer 'stay the course'.

I would prefer to work on 'our' issues, but I believe I stand alone in that...

I'm so sorry that things went this way for you...

Cat

Why do you feel you were hasty or that you regret filing?

Catgirl and Silent,

Thanks for your kindness. I'll get over this; it'll take time, but I'll be fine. What is killing me is that I never wanted this for my 5 year old son. Yes, we are all still living together, with the elephant in the room!

The wife is hardly ever here these days; there is very little conversation. I imagine that will drop to almost nothing once she gets served with the papers.

I read one of Jim's (jmwc95) posts where he complains of a loss of SF for 4 months. Hey Jim, I'm into the 9th month! I don't want to hear about it. (And I've got two women interested in dating me, but I won't do that until the D is final.)

Cat, I don't think you were hasty. Something has to break the impasse. I've read your posts. I know you've been in extreme pain. This is the step you need to take to get release.

Silent,


Remember, nothing you did caused him to have an affair. Nothing. He had a lot of other choices he could have made to deal with any issues; he made the worst possible choice.

You're right; I know you're right...

Cat:

So you decided to give up after all without working the Plans?

I took out some time to post to you today but you didn't respond.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Just...

I think I filed to scare WH. I thought once I filed he would wake up and see what he did, and see I wasn't taking his [email]cr@p[/email], and come back to us. It didn't work.

Perhaps if I thought through things more, instead of being hasty and filing right away, things would have been different. I was so hurt and felt so betrayed at the time, still do, but at the time I thought D was the way to go.

Where are at with the D now?

It seems that you could stall as long as you want even put it hold if you thought there was a reason not to pursue it now.

But then I'm not really up to date on your sitch.

Will read some more.

Just...

Just waiting to get legal stuff hammered out. Not sure how long that will take. Probably final by early Spring, if not sooner. WH is not cooperating with my attorneys requests.

WH moved out 8 mos. ago to live with OW who is 17 years younger. Claims they are only roomates. OW D was final a few months ago.

Steve Harley thinks it might be a MLC. Who knows? I think he's VERY happy living how he's living.