The other day WS got home from being at one of his little bar stops and I found the passenger seat pushed all the way back and the back rest was lying down. I also found a lighter on the floor. I confronted him and he states he doean't know why the seat is like that and he does not know where the lighter came from. Says it could have come from anywhere. Neither one of us smoke. I'm trying not to have a melt down but it's hard. I want to start my Plan A but don't know where to start. Any advice?

I am still very new to this...I just found out about my husbands affair a month ago. I have started plan A. At first I really felt strange doing something that used to come so natural and really I was trying too hard. I have just made sure I am up and dressed looking the best I can everyday and I try to create a stress free environment..kinda hard with two teenagers but I can see things starting to come together a little bit more. I havent cried in a week now, and H is beginning to give back to my "bank." I still have my periods of melt down as well and I will know I am just in the beginning phase of this but so far it seems to be helping.

Hang in there...we are going to make it!

hey there sister!!!!!!!!
glad to see you are getting some help here.
did you go to 'just found out' and read the threads I suggested?? you need to get more info on spying, I used a voice activated phone recorder from Radio Shack (cost me $100, cash)for the house, but that would assume he would use the house phone to talk to the ho.
you don't need confirmation of the A to know it goes on. believe in your heart what you already know. do some more spying, think about exposure, and read up on plan A. you have the strength, making a plan will help you feel less out of control. I would try to avoid WS when you are feeling the most vulnerable. thats when you are more likely to LB and make things worse. get your*** in the gym, even if you don't want to. the natural endorphins will help you feel better and cope. its the only thing I did the first 2 months that made me feel any better. keep your chin up luv!

Yes I did check out the recorder thing. Walmart has on for 50 bucks. I'd have to put it in the truck for it to work. He does most of his calling in the car. Althought I know who he calls and who calls him, I just find out the next month when the bill comes in. Even online they do not show the calls. Only for the last month. Anyways I'm feeling better since we talked and I'm in a good mood today. I'm actually smiling. But my tummy is doing flipflops. I'm having a hard time geting my Plan A together.

Sorry you have to be here, but it is the best place to help with your M.

Plan A is not about sitting down and writing up something, it is about:

Changing the annoying habits that you have

correct the M problems that you brought to the party

being a better wife, mother and overall person

being fun, not depressed in front of your H

just not being the cause of your H problems


With that said, your H knows why the seat is pushed back and who the lighter came from. You need to get proof the A is still on going.

Please read about plan A and then reread it for it to sink in.