Even if you don't normally read gray's campfire thread, you might want to read this post.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Congratulations, J! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

You deserve this happiness. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lori

Yes, she sure does. So does he, they all do.

Warmest congratulations to you both. TT

Thanks, everyone!

JustJ,

I posted to you on Gray's thread, but I really want to congratulate you and HoFS.

God Bless,

JL

JL, I heard from our faraway friend, who sent me a congratulatory note. They are doing well. Both kids are well and still partnered (one married, one in a LT relationship). One grandchild and another on the way. Her father is still alive and just celebrated his 102nd birthday. What a wonder, eh? He didn't mention any trips to the US anytime soon, but I do intend to invite them to the wedding. He's one of the men I used as a guidepost for what a really wonderful husband would be like. His wife is very lucky.

Congratulations, Just_J!!!

All happiness to you and HoFS.

*wipes away sentimental tear*

Alph.

congratulations! i am not familiar with who you are as i don't usually post on this board but i see you and hofs are both members... did you meet on this board?

mlhb

did you meet on this board?

Well, kinda. A mutual friend of ours, Cerri, who was a longtime poster here, introduced us. We were MB members at the same time and may have crossed paths before that, but I don't recall it if we did. She invited us both to a party back in Janury, 2004, and since we're both from out of town, we decided that he would pick me up at the airport and take me out to her house. So he sent me an e-mail with a picture of himself so that I'd know who was picking me up.

The arrow that shot directly through my heart when I saw that picture was completely inappropriate. Although my ex and I had been separated for six months at that point, I still wanted to reconcile with her. I came very close to cancelling the trip, but ended up going. (He was waiting for his ex's appeal to their divorce settlement to be over at that point. I think it was about 3 weeks later when it was all done for him.)

Between then and now there are many, many stories, and it's hard to sum it up concisely, but here's a brief version. We were attracted to each other from the start, and with Cerri's regular help, we kept it from being more than an inconvenient and annoying distraction. We saw each other only a couple of times over the next year -- once when he visited DC, once in Dallas at the SmartMarriages conference, and once back in DC.

The last time was in November 2004, after my ex had announced her engagement to her new husband. I started looking around and dating a bit when that happened, so I allowed the attraction to surface.

We kissed, a most wonderful, passionate, weak-in-the-knees kiss. And then he left to go on to the class he was in town for. He didn't call for days, though I knew it had affected him like it did me.

When he did call, he said he didn't want to take things further -- he wanted to pursue dating local to him and he wanted me to have the chance to meet someone closer to my own age, locale, and interests. He wanted, in other words, to "just be friends."

I told him no -- and said that I couldn't continue to have contact with him if we weren't going to be involved.

So for nine months there was almost no contact between us, though we both still volunteered for the same organization and so attended some of the same meetings. It was a terribly dark and painful time. The darkness of that ending was, I suspect, very much like the dark pain of ending an affair. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do, I grieved and it hurt like heck.

And I began to heal.

In that time, he dated someone else and I continued on my "50 dates in a year" adventure. I made it to 12 first dates before I found someone worth dating more than once, and she and I dated for three or four months. We eventually broke it off because I wasn't (according to her) emotionally available. I was concerned about her ethical choices and approach to life; her boundaries weren't as clear and strong as I needed, and I truly wasn't ready to jump into a commitment with her.

After breaking up, I took a several-week break from any kind of dating or romance stuff and filled my time with posting and helping people. And HoFS just kept showing up on the threads where I was posting. (Not here, on the boards of the organization we both volunteer for.) We didn't talk to each other, exactly. But when you're both posting to the same person and using lyrics and lines from movies that have three or four layered meanings, well...

So finally, after several weeks of this and my head getting more and more tangled up, I finally asked Cerri whether HoFS had broken up with his girlfriend because of something he'd said on one of the threads. Sure 'nuf, he had.

And I ranted and raved at her about how he was driving me crazy and he absolutely had to stop and I was SURE he was going to be there when I went to visit her in August (2005) and....

And she interrupted me gently and said, "Do you -want- to see him?"

I had to stop and listen to myself instead of ranting more, which is what my first instinct was. After a second, I answered honestly. "Yeah. Yeah, I do want to see him. A lot."

He didn't end up coming to Cerri's that weekend. Instead, I walked Cerri's labyrinth twice and stood under the stars and twitched about it. The second time, Cerri walked with me and she finally said, "You know, very few people ever have a love like you did with your ex. And almost no one has a chance at two loves like that. I know you're scared. And maybe this is worth fighting for."

And so I stood there and sent him a text message from my cell phone telling him that Cerri suggested that I call, but since I knew it was the hour when he gets his kids to bed, he could call me when he had time -- and if he wanted to talk.

We talked for three hours that night and I laid bare my soul in a way that was totally terrifying.

The next weekend, he came to DC (where I live) and we set in motion all the events that led up to this weekend. Most of the rest of it is buried in the campfire thread; the link at the beginning of this thread leads to the most recent developments in our journey. It's been quite extraordinary and wonderful, and I'm very glad he's been with me on that journey.

well that is just great! i ask because back in april i started talking to someone from the after divorce board and we have been talking and talking and dating and slowly building ever since. he was still dating others when we first started talking but since august we have both decided to just be exclusive. it is ldr as well. it sure has its ups and downs and things that need to be thought through, but i have never been happier. we are just taking it slow and having dating weekends every month and seeing where it could go.

so, when i see this thread i just wondered if you two as well had met via this board. i'd love to see lots of happy stories and happy endings for those of us who did end up in divorce and who do deserve to meet someone who is extra special. it sure gives me hope and happiness in my heart to read about you two!

mlhb

JustJ,

Having met her father, I can tell you he is one very neat guy. You have chosen well in finding someone to use as a guidepost.

Well, being just a little biased <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />, I agree with you. Actually they are both very lucky as I have been.

More importantly I think you and HOFS have had more luck than perhaps you realize.

You two take care of each other...ya hear! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

JL

Heh. I agree, JL, I agree. And did you know that every time I mention you to him, I have to look up your real name, and then I'm surprised all over again? Having seen handle so many times here, I never expect what your real name actually is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think perhaps HoFS and I have been very lucky indeed -- and will need a good bit more luck. I've been letting God know that I welcome any input He/She's got on the situation. It'll be interesting to see how it all comes out.

All the best - today and tomorrow too.

SS

JL, I have an e-mail related to another mutual acquaintance that I'd like to forward to you, but the account that I had back in 2005 is bouncing. Would you send something to me so I can forward it?

I bet 2long can pass the word to him, if you haven't been contacted yet.

SS

Thanks SS,

JustJ and I have been in contact. Sort of a sad bit of news conveyed by mutual friends. It is one of the world's great cases of serendipity, that JustJ and I have a very close mutual friend. We found it out when we got together along with other MB'ers a few years ago.

JL