My H had an affair that was drug involved. After I filed for divorce I started seeing someone else. Of course we all know the beginnings of relationships are always "good sex", but it grew to be more than sex with him. Now my husband says he is clean and wants his family back and will do anything. I don't trust him and don't want to make yet another mistake by letting go of the man I have been seeing. I did tell him I needed to sort things out and have not seen him in 3 weeks, but it is really hard. H girlfriend is still in town and I know she has tried to get ahold of him, he has learned how to be sneaky & I just don't trust him...but seems genuine when he talks of us staying together and raising our children & tries to make me feel guilty for wanting a divorce. He is the one who had an affair and chose drugs over our family and now that he is ready to make the commitment to us, it is my fault it isn't working. I just don't get it.

HI mama
that is a difficult situation.....you don't mention how you FEEL about him?
are you still attracted to him?
how long as it been since you seperated?

I love the man prior to drug use. I don't love the man he became while using. He is working on himself which gives me a bit of hope. On drugs he was a completely different man, children lost a whole year of their lives without him due to his addiction which makes me bitter. I remained very close to him the entire time, which was VERY hard to do and not have anger. But, I wanted him to know I would not give up on him and he could fight this addiction. I think he will be forever grateful for that...but 6 months have gone by and about 1/2 way thru I met OM. OM knew of my devotion to my husband I told him daily.

Yes, I am attracted to H..very much. Some people wonder why after all he's put me through.

Thank you for replying! I thought it was going to be hopeless.

I love him. I have stood by him as a friend thru this whole process, even when he left me for OW. I have tried so hard to be strong for him that I have let my own health get away from me. H has been gone from house since July came back around Christmas (6mos).

I am very attracted to H. I feel he isn't to me, but he says that isn't the case. What man doesn't like sex?

What man doesn't like sex? Possibly a man still addicted to his drug. It's not easy to beat an addiction to drugs. A drug addict will lie and lie and lie. Drugs do affect sexual desire.

You need to figure out what you want. However, the first thing you need to do is remove the outsider (OM). With him nearby, you cannot make rational decisions about your marriage and it confuses your children.

If you want to work on the marriage, you need to deal with the addiction 1st. You mentioned a dirty test in your other post. He had an excuse. A DRUG ADDICT WILL LIE AND LIE AND LIE to cover up.

I know all about it, Mama.

Tatertot

I have gotten OM out of the picture, but still going thru the W from him. I miss him so much..not being lied to on a daily basis and having a clean slate to work with. The OM and I could relate as his DW left him after she had an A.

Now, I let go of OM and deal with a liar on a daily basis. I called into the MB radio show awhile back and Harly told me to keep doing exactly as I am, but everything seems hopeless. I don't want to be one of those statistics that gave up too soon. I was always one that said people don't seem to stick thru anything anymore and divorce is the easy way out. So, I don't want the "failure" under my belt. I am so confused.

It can seem hopeless. My FWH was addicted to drugs. I ignored the signs for years. Thus, enabling him to continue destroying our family.

If you want to save your marriage, then you need to deal with the drug addiction. If you suspect he is still using, you need to get him out of the home and away from the kids. Call Al-anon and find someone to help you.

I've been through all of this so I know how hurt and confused you are. I totally understand what you are going through.

Tatertot

I gave him a drug test last week and it was dirty. He said he didn't think I'd have a problem with the drug use and thought I only had a problem with OW. Y would I have gone thru all the bs with the court system to get him in treatment if the drug addiction was not an issue with me? He said he had no 2nd thoughts about doing the line and didn't feel guilty. I guess that is an addict for you. I don't really understand addiction as I am not even a smoker. We are seeing one of the counselors from his treatment center. She says not to give up on H. I am sick of the lies and not knowing if he is talking to the OW. He says he hasn't heard from her in 4 weeks and he thinks she is out of state. She is also an addict, and still uses. H says he watched her and how she was with meth and decided that he didn't want that the rest of his life so he came home. I believe all they had in common was drugs, but I know he did have strong feelings for her. I know how hard it is for me to give up OM, so I know he has to be going thru withdrawl with OW also.

Dr put me on another anti-depressant. Now on 2 kinds and a anxiet/sleeping med. I seem to be thinking more clearly since the upgrades, I have been trying to do a lot of soul searching when alone (which is not alot due to kids 11,3&2)
L