I have been separated from my H since 8/16/05.We have been married for 23 yrs, dated for 5, been together for a total of 28.We separated because I had become overwhelmed, depressed and treated everyone in unloving manner.We have a 10 yr old.My problems started about 5 yrs ago.He left and was serious about a D.He did go right out and start seeing a OW.He has been off/on with her since.He has also maintained a sexual relationship with me.We also own a business together,see each other every day.He lives at our business,has not tried to get a place of his own and shares time with each of us.I still control all of our finances, for various reasons neither one of us wants to D.He says he does not have a spark for me.I am head over heels in love with him.I want to figure out how to help him get his spark back.He wants to keep trying and says he knows we make a great couple.Our sex life is right on when we are together.We are both 43 and still sexy.We all have a lot to lose.We all want it back.I have done a 360 degree change through therapy, I am now the one he fell in love with and he admits he notices.He needs to ditch the OW but seems reluctant. I would like to hear advice from others, he is on the fence and I have been in Plan A for 17 months. I can keep going but I am getting tired and the pain won't stop. I would like a surefire remedy and now!! Thank you all for listening.

I love my wife and I am trying to switch to Plan B but am also having troubles with the method of making it happen. We have been living in separate rooms since the beginning of November. I fell really good about the work I am doing on myself with a therapist and the counseling we have been doing together. I am concerned that if I just hang around, I will continue to get beat up emotionally because she is still involved with the other person, maybe not sexually, but emotionally. She is planning on moving out and I don’t want to be around her. I support her in her independence and I am working on healing myself. I don’t want to be taken advantage of and I want her to see what it is like without me in the picture. Do I leave the house or keep working on being the husband that I want to be with her in the hope that she will want what I can offer and come back to me?

I do so sympathize with you.I am not sure if my Plan A will work for me.I do know when this started we were not friends.It took us 4.5 months to sleep together again.We are now friends and sleep together 1-3 times per week.H does still have OW on side.I heard the honeymoon there is over and H does not like his situation with OW right now.Will H end affair and when?Will H return to me?I hope so for me and my son.I think hanging in a while longer may be good idea.Make as many love deposits as you can when together, it does work even if it feels its a snails pace.

I have only been in Plan A for about 10 days. My wife of 12 years started an EA with her boss - she says she loves him more than me. She claims they talked about their feelings on Feb 1 and she asked for a divorce on Feb 4. Wants to stay in the house "for the kids". It is so unbelievable that I am now wondering if she is lying. I saw her online credit card transactions and it looks like she was in another city in late January during work time. I know she has cashed savings bonds and has taken a lot of cash out of her checking account over the last few months. My fear is that she and the OM are waiting it out so they can figure out how to afford our beautiful home. She claims she doesn't mind living in a trailer with him, but she also uses $60 worth of Aveda products a month (maybe more).

I love her deeply and want to save my M. I want to let Plan A run its course, but I am afraid that I am being a sucker. Obviously I am on a roller coaster of emotions. I have only known for 2 weeks. This is only my second "good day".

Anyone else feel like Plan A may be setting them up for a finacial fall?

Minni-Mike (I am from the Land-O-Lakes Too)

You need to post over at General Questions II forum. The most experienced help is there. There is a lot of traffic so stay determined. Yours is a classic sounding case.

I would bet the EA is much longer than three weeks if she is talking D. You need a full plan and the help of the experts at GQII.

Sorry you are here. Click on my name and go to my first post and you will probably start seeing similarities.

Chrisner

Thanks for the advice. I have been reading more over there in GQII. Hope things are looking up for you...

Mike

Just checking in Mike.

Are you finding the help you need with the site? I really think you need to drop your whole story on the GQII forum as a new thread so the pros can weigh in. Reading just the little you put down worries me this is much further along than you know and you need to protect yourself and your kids. I know there are several active BH stories unfolding at GQII now that have a lot of meaning to your situation.

Are you developing a good Plan A? Read up on exposure. If you want to stop this affair you have to expose to the company they work at soon. If he is her boss there could be harrassment issues the company won't want to have to deal with. Is he married? If he is the OMW must be informed so she can save her marriage if she wishes. She could be your best ally.

Get the whole story over to GQII as soon as possible.