Word of warning! The OM in my case was a real conartist and played my wife, his wife and even a third girl. (possibly more). And to make matters worse he had a 2 year old daughter.

My wife did talk to me about how well the OM played his wife. And I only mentioned this because I see a similarity in the way my OM manipulated his W and your husband.

NC is key, and so is your right to check up on him. DON'T sell your self short. Tell him NC or nothing. I know from expierence that you may desparatly want your new one to have both parents, and yadda yadda. But if you H insists on continuing an A (or even contact), it could hurt your baby even more.

You are the one he needs to be paying 100% attention too, and there is no room for anybody else.


Yes he may get depressed, and yes he may miss the other girl. But he will never get over that as long as he has contact with Her. By him saying he needs to figure things out, just to me sounds like a stall so he can contiue the A.

Be careful. You don't deserve to be cond by you H. Take care of yourself.

P.s. How are you feeling? Has the morning sickness kicked in yet?

bump

Hi everyone... I'm still as confused as the day I found out. I don't know if I should still go through Plan A or just leave. My WH told me yesterday that he already given me plenty of chances before to answer his needs, and change annoying habits but every single time, I just disappointed him and it made him give up. As a result, I broke his heart several times. We had unresolved issues prior to us getting married and it never got fixed properly during our marriage. I've been thinking and I realized I've been thinking to change but never got around to doing it. And now, it's too late. Or is it really too late? I know its too late in the sense that it opened a window of opportunity for someone to come in and fill his needs. But is it really too late to make him fall in love with me again or be open to my sincerity to make the change?
I told him that in this situation, he has to be thinking with his head. He said if thats the case, he would choose me and our baby. But if he were to decide with his heart at this point in time, he would choose the OW. Is this the normal behavior of a WS? To decide with your head or your heart, which is more right??
I know the A started Oct/Nov 06. The OW is young about at least 10-12 years younger than him (he's 32), I'm 29. She knows he's married and has a child on the way. He hasn't seen the OW as far as I know since the day he admitted which is Jan 5, 07. But the texting has continued. I dunno if it has lessened or anything. Last night he agreed ( but angrily and resentfully after I was insistent) to choose me and the baby. I want him to want that too and not just force it out of him. I dunno what to do now. I know I should try to do Plan A and make him happy by meeting ENs, and no LBs. He really seemed irritated after, which I understand. Last night and so far today he has been civil but I don't know what he's thinking. He would initiate talk with me but more of "what are you doing today? what are your plans?".
I love him still and would want to better myself to make him more happy, and hopefully make our bond better and stronger. But is it still worth it or am I just fooling myself?? What are the symptoms of withdrawal??

P.s. I live in Asia, is there still a way for me to contact Mr. Harley himself for some expert advice, I can't dial toll free. The only possible way is email. Will he respond?

Preggy--

I happen to be baking a cake right now for my little Elliot who will be one years old tomorrow. I say this because last year this time exactly I was anxious about being induced for him, posting here on MB for support, as my WH had left me for the other woman when 16 weeks preggers..

I want to tell you so much, so bear with me if I ramble on.

First off--like you, I thought it was wrong to snoop. I learned quickly that it is 100% right. Your WH wantd you to feel guilty about this. Why? Because suddenly the light is off of him and his dirty actions. I heard it too--you thought I was cheating, so I decided to. (That's a classic one, btw). Puh-lease. Don't buy it.

Here's the thing--don't be so afraid when it comes to standing up for you. You're in a crisis. You have to fight. And the weapons here really work. Even if the marriage does not survive (mine did not) you will survive, and using the principles here will make the biggest dif in the world.

Exposure is important. Humungo-important. I waited too long. You never mentioned--where do they know each other from? If met online, where do they meet? Have a girlfriend of yours follow him if you're not up to it. Tell his parents. HE WILL BE ANGRY. But, his anger will subside. Affairs have the best chances of dying when exposed. Do not appease him while he decides who he wants. That is sickening. But oh-so-scripted. Remembering that he is no so unique will help you , too. All WS's seem to say the same stuff. Hang around here long enough and you'll see.

And, as Melodylane advised me over a year ago (gee, time flies) TELL YOUR MOTHER. You need support. It's okay to be strong. it's okay to be the lighthouse--but lighthouses need maintenance--especially when preggers. You'll feel a big relief. You need a support system as well. Where are your parents?

Right now, I think you need to remember that this is all his fault. His choices brought him here. Do not let him guilt you into thinking otherwise.

How long have you been together if you have been married a little over a year? How old are you? Him? OW?

Tell your OB as well, as she'll need to know of the extra stress.

I also always recommend LOVE MUST BE TOUGH by Dobson in conjunction with MB priciples. I especially think that when preggers, it will help you gain back some much-needed strength. It helped me GREATLY. You'll read it one night.

I want to be able to help you, so I will try to remember to come back here and check in on you. Congrats on the baby, as well. I believe all life is a gift from God, and this little girl (correct?) will be a blessing to you. My Elliot is a source of strength and joy for me daily. Any name choices?
Take care of yourself.

Intexas

You should expose the affair to your parents, to his parents, and to the OW's H if she has one. Also, if you have proof of the A, and your H and the OW work together, you should expose to their employer. Many employers have policies regarding these situations. Also, the employer could be the target of a lawsuit if either party should decide to file a sexual harassment suit.

Preggy
I'm sorry that you have to be here & I certainly do feel your pain. When I was first confronted with my WH EA I was one month pregnant. Needless to say I spent the next few months loosing weight, stressed to the max & on AD. It was an awful road.

My WH decided it best to stay with his pregnant W (mighty white of him) but that only lasted for 3 months. On Dec. 31st 2006 he left me. For the next 3 months he proceeded to live his own life, like we were never in it at all. He was acting like a high school kid again & the only responsibilities he was owning up to was the financials.

My DS was born 2 months early due to a placenta abruption. He was 3 lbs. 12 oz. & spent nearly 2 weeks in the niku. I remember sitting in my bed nights just crying my eyes out & wondering how I would ever make it through this awful path of destruction that my WH had chosen.

The worst part of it all...it was a planned pregnancy that took us over a year to happen. I was on fertility, etc. So...that was another piece that just didn't fit this messed up puzzle.

His A, both EA & PA lasted just over a year. He moved in & out approx. 3 times over that time period. He finally came home on Sept. 1st & this is the last time. We are in a very premature stage of R & I pray every day that we will make it out ok in the end.

Stay focused on that little baby. That child will be your strength, so make sure that you give it all the strength needed for you & for he/her. In the 2nd Tri I did begin to gain weight & tried to focus more on "us" then on my physco WH. Find it in yourself to do the same for YOU & for YOUR baby.

If I can be of any further help, I'm here. Take care of yourself.
K