Hi everyone. I am Lyns. I have been married to WH for 5 1/2 years now. We have 3 beautiful children. DD 5y/o, DS 4y/o, and DD 2y/o. WH is in the military. He was recently gone for 3 months Oct-Dec and while he was gone, he told me that he cheated on me with our old neighbor A. I told him yeah I know, I caught him (Thanksgiving 2004 to be exact, 3 months after our last child was born) and he said no it was another time before that. Apparently they were drinking and I fell asleep (I dont drink) and apparently they walked outside and they had sex on my truck. sorry TMI. So that made 2 times he slept with her. And then in July 2006, he got oral sex from someone who was supposed to be a friend of mine. That we flew out to our house so she could have a mini vacation with her child. Ever since he told me about the affair with A, I want to cringe whenever he touches me. I have been thinking about leaving, but I want to try and make this marriage work if possible. I am bisexual and I feel like he sometimes sees that as a "freebie" for other chicks and it's not. Lately he has been wanting to go to strip clubs more and more often and I'm not cool with that. He knows how I feel. As far as I know he has not had any contact with the OW. We moved to another house shortly after I caught them together and they moved to Germany I believe. anyway, he goes through my emails, my myspace account, my cell phone and questions me about anyone and anything. I feel like there is more to him cheating and he's trying to catch me doing something so he can turn it around to where's it's my fault. is there any hope??

You are bisexual...are you free to have relationships with other women while you are married?

That's the way I am reading it. It sounds as if she gets to have "girlfriends" but that he is to be faithful. If so, nothing good ever comes from introducing someone else into your M in an intimate manner. Your husband may see this as something akin to an "open marriage".

If you are having sex with women than you shouldn't be married. Neither of you should have any sex outside the marriage. How would you feel if your WH was having sex with another man? I'm sure he could get some nasty disease from that. If you aren't going to stop having sex with women, then you don't need to be posting here. We won't have any answers for you.

no i am not having sex with other women. I guess I didnt clarify that enough. sorry.

Then what do you mean that he thinks it is okay because you are bisexual? You aren't a bisexual if you are only having sexual relations with him, right?

I'm sorry you're here.

It sounds like your WH has had several affairs, and is using anything he can to justify it, instead of to trying to fix things. It also sounds like he's pushing his limits as far as he can, and keeps pushing because there haven't been any consequences.

What happened after you caught him with the neighbor at Thanksgiving '04? Did you guys work on things, identify the reasons, make some agreements ... or sweep things under the carpet and try to pretend it didn't happen?

He's confessed the A's, and it sounds like there is no contact with the other women .... what does he say about working on the M? Is he willing to try to save it? Does he want to stay married to you?

If so, then you're starting at a much better spot than lots of other BS's, so yes, there is lots of hope!

Have you read HNHN? And SAA?

You mentioned him going through your cell, myspace, etc. That should be ok - a good way for you to demonstrate your own trustworthiness, and you should have the same access to his info. You might be right that it's another sign of him cheating -- do you have any other indications that he might be? Have you done any sleuthing to find out if there is another A going on?

Hang in there. You've got a long way to go, but you can do it!


-AmI.