At Thanksgiving my wife left her email account open and I saw that she was communicating with an x-boyfriend. My wife and I have had some problems in our relationship for the past 3-4 months. This all came to a head when I read the email. I never told her I read it, but instead asked that she would accompany me to marriage counseling to work on my problems. We have gone to counseling twice and it was like pulling teeth from her to go. At the same time I've been reading His Needs Her Needs and asked her to read it as I saw how we were not spending enough time working on our Love Banks for each other. I've felt better and this has opened me up to talking with her more about us and how we each see things. The Holidays were great.

She took off for a 10 day convention and I sensed that she had somethings on her mind. So I logged onto her email acct as she had told me it once before and saw that she and her X, who lives overseas have been corressponding. She doesn't go into heavy detail, but states " I compromised myself so much I had forgotten what it was like to do the things I wanted versus always doing what was supposed to be done or worse yet what HE(ME) always wanted".

The x continues to play along, reminding her of their past and how he wishes he could see her. She then says I really need to talk with you and wish you were here. He states that he could fly her over. But she declines.

She states that she is a touch excited and a bit scared and feels a bit guilty, but that she has never lost a battle with that emotion.

He states that he will be in Chicago in Feb. She says that she could arrange it, but it would take some planning. At this point she doesn't want to share a room, but does need to talk to him about something.


I am in a very dark place right now. I have ruined any trust that we have by looking at her email. I can't tell her that I was doing this as it will ruin us. But I am trying to fix US and I don't see her trying to fix us. She has told close friends that she is in love with me.

I just need direction on how I should deal with this. Do I continue on wroking with what the book states.

You need to expose your wifes EA before it turns into a PA. Then you need to do an effective Plan A to get things back on track.

I would do a bit more snooping but not much more. I think that single email is proof enough that inappropriate behavior is taking place.

You must confront your wife and expose this EA in the very near future.

Do NOT not allow her to sidetrack you with accusations of invasion of privacy. You may have done things in the marriage that have caused a rift between the two of you but that does NOT give her the right to engage in a EA. She is violating your marriage by discussing it with another man. This guy isn't helping her resolve the problems between the two of you. Instead he is a creep who is stroking her ego and trying to get into her pants while she is emotionally vunerable.

Don't wait too long or it may be too late.

Good advice almondeyes.

Ecdoesit - You might want to post over on General Questions where there is more traffic.

Take it from a guy that was cheated on, go and comfront her. I personally would snoop some more and get some hard evidence to confront her with. Dont let this go this will only get worse.

I wouldn't worry so much about confronting her and her getting angry. If she didn't want to be caught she shouldn't have been doing something to get caught. I think you should sit her down and have a long discussion. Something definately needs to be brought up. Bottling it up will do no good.