FL,
You cannot be rejected if you are relentless. More importantly you very likely won't be rejected if you approach this from a positive point of view.
So let me ask you this. If you don't fear divorce, and you KNOW you have power over him, why don't you use it? What have you go to lose? You don't fear rejection at the work place, you don't fear it with your children. You do what you know and think is right. I know you don't win every battle, but I suspect you are very satisfied with the fact that you did go to battle for the right thing.
You are unhappy in your marriage because as you say, you wimp out. It is not in your character is it? But in your marriage you do. Has it crossed your mind that your H may know you better than you realize? That he married you because you are strong, confident, and NOT A WIMP. My guess is that you fill his needs best when you are at your best...
strong, confident, happy, and telling him "how the cow ate the cabbage." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
My bet is that he is very disappointed in the marriage because you are not you in the marriage. Yes you betrayed him, and that hurt, but that wasn't you either was it?
I like Weaver's suggestion to visualize, conceptualize, and the verbalize what you want and expect from the marriage. Then don't accept any less.
Please think about all of this. I am not a trained counselor, but I think you need to stop wrestling with yourself, and be yourself. You NEED your H in your life, what you have not figured out is that he NEEDS you in his life. But, it is the YOU that you are to the world.
I foresee a new balance of power in this relationship and if it is acheived you two will be far more balanced than you realize. It is time for you to really look at your H and realize who he is, and why he might really like being married to a strong, confident, assertive, and yet loving wife.
Got any ideas? Think about it.
God Bless,
JL
