I was a regular lurker last year as I was going through my divorce and as soon as it was over I entered the world of online dating. WHOA that was fun. I had 8 dates in 2 weeks and had a real blast but after being separated for a year and in a miserable marriage for 22 years, I really felt ready to look for a relationship with potential. I registered for Chemistry which if you don't know is through match.com and is like eharmony. The first man I met is the man of my dreams and after 2 dates we decided to make it an exclusive relationship and although I had thought I would never have sex till I was married again.......we started a sexual relationship a few weeks after that. It's been almost 6 months and I've never been happier. I am very aware of the emotional needs I have an even outlined what I wanted in my next husband and he is just about perfect in every way. I realize no one is ever going to be 100% perfect but he's darn near close. The new has worn off of the relationship and I see little habits that could wear on my patience but being an adult I realize that is what they are-very minor issues. I'm 45 and he's 54 and both of us were married, had spouses that cheated, and chose to leave them for it.

He has older kids and I have young teens. He met them early on and they both love him and have expressed their desire to have him be their "dad". Their father has acted like a total jerk and every other weekend when they have to go with him they are miserable and can't wait till they don't have to go. I have met his kids and spent Christmas with them since my girls were with their dad. The kids have now all finally met and all is rosy between everyone. My family adores him, his family has all passed away but I have met his close family friends.

We spend nearly every moment we can when we are not working together. We have a date night once a week and I get a sitter so I can fall asleep at his house and I come home in the middle of the night. We get every other weekend alone and take full advantage of that. Other than that we are with the girls and/or his kids and do family type things together. We've been on 2 weekend trips with the girls and 2 trips without the girls and spent 10 day time period together when my girls were on fall break with their dad.

He's told me he is serious about us and has hinted around about making this a permanant situation-ie-marriage. However, he hasn't brought it up directly and I'm at a point where I need to make so major financial decisions about buying a house because the ex and I agreed for me to stay in the house for a time period at his expense and that time is almost up. I really want to bring up marriage but some part of me is old fashioned and I feel like he should be the one to ask.

Here's some background info on him-divorced 7 years from a cheating spouse who let him have the kids to raise alone. He dated about 5 women in the last 7 years. One very seriously and when he brought up marriage she shot him down and they broke up because he wanted to get married and he realized she never would marry him.

So should I bring it up and if so how? Or is it just too soon for a man this age to decide if he's ready to marry me?
What is he looking for if anything before we talk about this next step? I know if this relationship doesn't survive, I will be ok but it is not what I want. I love being with him, he has all the values, traits, and characteristics I want in a spouse. He fulfills my emotional needs and I fulfill his. I am ready but I would wait if he wanted to wait.

Hi litm! Welcome to the boards.

If I were in your shoes I don't think I'd ask him to marry me. I would talk about what you've told us here, that you're in a position of having to make a big financial decision. That you wonder how this decision will affect your future.

I understand you not wanting to move ahead with the purchase of a house only to sell it in the near future to get married & move to another house. However, this should not be the overriding reason you make the choice to marry this man.

I would ask him what he envisions for his future. Does he want marriage? When would he like to marry? You know, ask about what he sees happening rather than trying to force a particular direction for your future together.

Congratulations on your happiness!
I wouldn't ask him to marry me, but I would ask his advice on the house thing....see what he has to say <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I would not recommend making a marriage commitment after knowing someone only six months.