I am the BS and the OW was my former best friend...I have recently ran into her twice in one day...The first time i ran into her at my husband and my bank...She did not bank there before, so it really upset me that she is now when she knew we banked there...There are a million banks she could bank at why ours...Then at the end of the day i ran into her at starbucks...both places i said nothing to her...i am really upset because i have never really told her off...i have kind of turned the other cheek...i wanted to say why are you banking at our bank...why did you ask my husband when yall accidentally ran into each other at walgreen to find a way to let you know we made it to our thanksgiving destination ok...why won't u just leave us alone...i don't understand why i didn't say those things...i feel like i always have to be the bigger or better person...sometimes i just want to blow up and scream...but i feel like i can't....and this contact along with the accidentally contact with her and my husband at Walgreens in November has made me take many steps back...prior to that recovery was going well..now i don't trust my husband, i don't want to do anything, and i don't want to leave the house...please help i feel like i am drowning

bump

Vent Vent Vent!!!! God knows we need to!!!

It isn't fair that we have to live with triggers. But it is now a fact. GRRR.

You know you make a point about wanting to tell the OP off.

I wanted to let the OM in my sitch know where to go and such, but then I tought about it. My wife and I have heard that he misses my wife, can't live without her and is lost without her in his life.

I goto bed each night and wake up each day knowing that I'm in her life and not him. We are happy and not him. We have a better M, not him. I LOVE the fact that his life sucks and ours doesn't.

That is good enough for me, how about you? Your H is with you and not with her. THAT has to be pretty good!!!

Oh yeah, can you change banks?

i feel like i shouldn't have to change banks...we banked there first...i know that is childish but i feel like i have already had to make so many changes in my life because of her...i also wonder why she is banking there...i wonder if her husband knows because i don't think he would be happy to know she is banking at our bank..i also wonder if she is stashing away money so she can leave her husband...and then maybe try to come after mine again...i know that sounds crazy but that is where my mind goes after the ****** i have been through over the past year..i just don't understand why she would bank there when she knows we banked there...

I know what your feeling. (((((hugs))))

She is at your bank b/c your H goes there.

The OM in my sitch changed a few places he went in order to run into my wife. We changed to get away.

You may have read here: Do you want to be right or do you want to be M?

You won the big battle and you have to be happy with that.
If you don't want to change banks then can you go when the OW may be at work? This way you won't run into her.

Also, you have to be happy your H told you about running into OW back in Nov. He is being honest!! All good things I think. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

he told me only after he got caught emailing her to let her know we made it to where we were going...he said he didn't tell me when it happened because we were doing well and he didn't want to mess that up...he said nothing happened they just said hi and asked what the other was doing for Thanksgiving...he told her we were traveling a far distance and he said she asked him "to find a way to let her know we made it ok"...and he said when he emailed her that is all he said...so i don't know if i can really trust him...because they ran into each other at a Walgreens where i have know idea why she would be in that part of town...(it was by my husbands work)...so my thanksgiving day was ruined and i have had a hard time trusting him since than...but he swears nothing has happened and nothing will happen...so really i don't know if i can trust him

does OW's husband know about the A?

does OW's H know about the Thanksgiving email?

does OW's H know his WW has been "bumping into" you and/or H?

let him know

Pep

ow husband does know about A...we were all best friends...i don't know if he knows about thanksgiving or the other...i have had no contact with him because after d-day he called and said he wanted to talk to my husband and i let him and he gave the phone to his WW to let her say goodbye...so i don't feel like i can trust him either.

that's right ... I remember this situation now

ARE YOU TWO GETTING MARRIAGE THERAPY?

Pep

we went to therapy IC and Marriage for about four months after D-day...he doesn't feel we needed to go anymore after that but i have kept going for IC...she has been a pain...she has made a presenace some how about every two months after d-day...

month after d-day she called me husband to help her because she was stuck in another country...we changed numbers

two months later she emailed me and kind of said she was sorry and that she would not be bothering us anymore..

two months later she showed up on my doorstep..don't know exactly why..but to let me know i could still see her kids if i wanted...we were all friends and her children were my god children...

and then two months later the bump into each other at walgreen..

and then this past weekend i run into her twice at my bank and starbucks

i feel like i can't get away from her...i have not made any contact with her...i just don't understand why she won't leave us alone

this is creepy

you might need to address her directly IN PUBLIC

if she "accidentally" shows up around you again (if your kids are not there) ... turn to her, and in a loud theatrical voice say (so everyone can hear)

"YOU ARE THE ADULTEROUS WOMAN WHO WILL NOT LEAVE US ALONE AFTER MY HUSBAND ENDED THE AFFAIR .... GO AWAY AND STOP FOLLOWING ME"

do it in such a way that EVERYONE turns around ....

then STARE at her

if she approaches you, say "GET AWAY FROM ME OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE"

if she says anything at all

say

"LEAVE US ALONE ... THE AFFAIR IS OVER"

do this even if she has friends or relatives or her kids with her

embarrass the chit out of her

how's dat?

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

snr419,

I think your concern is valid, particularly after the Thanksgiving e-mail. "Send me an e-mail so I know you made it?" This skank is trolling.

Even though you don't feel you can trust the OW H, it may be worth the risk of placing a phone call. Call him and explain some of the coincidences, express your concerns and plan together to ensure the OW and your H never ever cross paths again.

HL

I was thinking of having you send a NC letter to her, but I LIKE Pep's way better. I would feel damn good being able to say that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I agree, I would still call OWH to let him know that his wife is still seeking out your H.

Maybe a NC letter first and then if she keeps showing up - go with Pep's idea.

If you have not done it yet, you need to go over the O&H part of the MB program with your H.

I did think of this first
but
here's the (?) problem

OW can claim the encounters were coincidental and accidental

and if she gets an NC letter

chances are HIGH she will initiate contact to "defend" herself

IF you decide to send an NC letter to OW
I strongly suggest you "cc" copies to an attorney
and perhaps to any close family friend in law enforcement

don't just send the NC letter to OW
but to her family, her H, and others as you think of them

this is not really an "NC letter" as much as it is another EXPOSURE of OW

think of it that way

Pep

PS ... here is my rationale...

I don't think that another NC letter will work

but public humiliation might

Pep

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

thanks for all the suggestions...i am just worried about doing anything to make her upset...i feel she is very vindictive and i am afraid of what she might do...this has caused so much anxiety...i worry she is at my bank so she can run into my husband...and i also worry she is hiding away money in a bank account her husband doesn't know about...so she can leave him and come after my husband...she is very manipulative.

never be afraid to stand up to a bully

if you remain scared, she has you right where she can manipulate you

Pep