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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 24
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 24 |
After catching my spouse contacting the OM it has become more difficult finding out what is going on. She found my recorder in her car and has made it clear that I am not to show up at her employment anymore. A friend who is an attorney told me to stay clear of her work, so I'm stuck. I don't have any friends or contacts at her place of employment and I'm not sure how to approach her co-workers without her finding out.
I'd just like to know what other people have done to find out what is going on when their spouse continues to work with the OP?
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
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Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816 |
jj:
Does it matter? You already know she's still in contact and they still work 2gether, so it's safest 2 simply assume that the A is still ongoing until they no longer are and she can convince you 2 your satisfaction that they're not.
Snooping can be helpful 2 determine whether there's an A, but once you've done that, continued snooping can make you crazy. It can certainly lead 2 "dwelling" and "assuming", which distracts you from healing.
-ol' 2long
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,525
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Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,525 |
Plan B if you have completed your plan A.
A spouse who has not committed to a recovery plan must be regarded as a spouse who is till in the affair.
You don't need to get hung up on the information you don't have..what she was doing at 3 pm etc at this point..you have all the info you need to make YOUR decisions.
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 598
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 598 |
I agree. You know what you need to know to make your decision(s).
I recently uncovered continued or renewed contact with my wife's OM. I thought about doing more detailed snooping, but decided it wasn't worth it. The contact was there, I've asked her for a plan to establish and maintain NC and rebuild my trust. The ball's in her court. In the meantime, I have my own course of action to pursue.
I'm not familiar with your situation, but if you've been in Plan A for several months now, you should start considering Plan B and getting things set up for that.
Formerly known as brokenbird
BH (Me) - 38
WW (Magpie) - 31
Married 2001 (Together 8 years)
DS - 13
DD - 5
EA/PA - 9/05-12/05
D-Day - 11/05
Second separation. Working on me.
If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.
John 15:7 (NIV)
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 40
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 40 |
Forget about the snooping and DEMAND that your spouse end ALL contact! This is the only way to recover. My H continued to work with the OW and the A continued even though he told be it had ended. We finally started MC with SH and the first step is to end all contact. Your spouse MUST never see or talk to the person ever again if you want to save your marriage. Even if this means finding a new job.
My thoughts are with you and my heart feels your pain!
me- BS 35
FWH- 33
0 children
1st D-Day 4/23/06
A never really ended...
H still worked with OW
2nd D-Day 8/26/06
OW left job
3rd D- Day, 9/23/06
Started MC with SH 9/20/06
Completed about 10 sessions
Working on Recovery!
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