sl, you are doing so great...R sounds hard, hard, hard. you are so strong. keep up the good work. the distance sounds so painful, but at least he is in your bed every night, not OW, right???

Sl,

You are doing great... and I have to agree with fighting back... I'm sure real recovery is very hard. It will be worth it in the end. Your family will be together.
I pray for you every night.

Still

Thank you Frog,

It's good to know how others' felt about THEMSELVES during Plan A and recovery. I agree that I am beginning to feel and show more of ME, as I exist, not as the pain has induced me to be. I don't live in constant fear of losing. I understand that I cannot control him, but I must be true to who I am, a warm, affectionate, bubbly, fun woman. I missed ME, and I'm glad that I realized that I always had the power to be me.

Fighting and stillhurting,

Thanks ladies! Take care of yourselves. Keep us posted, on your Plans...

hey silent

what things are you and your H planning to do this week to spend your quality time together making some love deposits?

if i could plan a date with my H

i'd like to rent a cottage in the woods, during a blizzard

we would have a picnic in front of a roaring fire

and then go out on the deck to relax in a hot tub as the snow fell around us

anyway <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> that's MY idea because it would fill my lovebank

my H would most likely want to get tickets to a football game in the middle of a blizzard, drink beer and eat burgers burned over a mini-grill in the parking lot and then freeze our butts off watching a bunch of men fight over a ball and pee in their pants (they don't get potty breaks ya-know!)

what do you and your H have in mind?

EAv,

Love your date... my H would be like yours.

Still

Wow, eav, I love your idea of a date too. Sounds wonderful. I remember not having all of the trappings of daily life surrounding me during my honeymoom. No TV, just me and H travelling Ireland during the day, playing cards, having some tea (him beer) and making love. It was great and felt totally fulfilling.

I miss those days, sometimes, but I wouldn't trade them for daily life; there's too much wonder in it; too much beauty.

Gee, I dunno, it has been a terrible week for the both of us. WH has a deadline that ends today at work. I was thinking of going out this weekend, but I'm not sure what to do. We dont' really have anyone who could take our son for an overnight, at such short notice, but I think you have given me an idea. I may plan an overnight at a hotel downtown, so that we can go out and not have to drive, and then have a nice place to land.

Oh, to have a more than tiny deposit made in my love bank would be tremendous, but no such luck right now. I'm hanging in there, and finding it MOSTLY easier to deposit in his love bank. I make dinners and give him kisses and hugs, stroke his hair when I know he wants to pull it out. I listen about his work, and frustrations there. He listens to me, too. It's nice to have him around.

I keep my eye on the prize, a happy, healthy marriage. I will settle for no less. I will make no demands. I will ask for what I need, have my boundaries be clear, and continue on my path of self-discovery and healing. There are many things that have nothing to do with my M that I need to work on, and it is only now that I recognized many of them. It's freeing to know what may have been holding me back from true happiness. I think it's the same for many, with differnt forms---our FEARS. I'm enjoying learning them, so that I can begin the work of dispelling many.

When I begin to feel down about my WH, i write email drafts but do not send them. I go back and read and reread, and edit them, until I see no DJ's and no assumptions. I realize, once I am finished, that the email has not much substance. It's a good exercise for me, learning to erase the veils that I allow to cover the truth. Learning to SEE the truth, and approaching my WH from that perspective.

Well, I talk too much...

A head's up in case this is true for you..My H continues to HATE staying in motels..a trigger for him..we almost NEVER have SF in motels..H

During early recovery, in particular, he much rathered to stay at home..wanting to "LIVE A NORMAL LIFE AGAIN"..maybe spend time at HOME ALONE...just a thought...

Thanks Mimi! The information highway here is great! I hadn't really thought of that. I think I'll go more the route of home, for now. It makes sense that he may be triggered by something like that. Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one getting over and through something. Thank you for the perspective change...

SL:

If you want to plan a little bit more in advance?

Try the Admiral Fell Inn. In Fells Point, of course.

Great place to go.

And for this weekend, celebration can include the kiddo. Sometimes just walking around the Inner Harbor and seeing what is going on and letting the kiddo get tired from walking. They sleep well then...

LG

It would be nice to spend some family time together. It's been a rough couple of weeks with illness and deadlines. I know my son could use some fun! Maybe we can go back up to Discovery Zone; my son loves that place!

Looking at the weather, I wish I could transfer Friday's weather to Saturday. It's supposed to be 62 degrees and partly sunny. Saturday looks a bit cooler with rain possible.

Also, my brother's car broke down, so I am going to be helping him with that. It's always somethin'... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I meant YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND..HOME ALONE..WITHOUT YOUR SON...

Mimi:

I agree, that SL And WH should spend some time alone...

If she can arrange it.

But if not, get the kiddo really, really sleepy.

Then the evening is yours...

To plan the next evening alone...

LG

Good Morning...you sound great today...

I wanted to personally thank you for all of the wonderful things that you said to me in your last post...It gave me a warm feeling...So, thank you!

As far as the always something, I've got a little story to share that I'm not sure if I posted...My HS called me and informed me that my parents (D and SM) had to file charges against my HB for stealing $1000 from they checking account.

She asked that if I see him to let D know, I told her that I would be should to call the law first, and then call my D. I let my D know, well, of all the times to C me...My HB called me at work yesterday and he's in the next parish and will be visiting in the next few days.

However, the warrent isn't ready...and after spending a great deal of time on the phone with law enforcement there's nothing that came be done at the present time...I finally got in touch with my D and told him about the outstanding warrents my HB already has but they are misdeamors and this parish can't pick him up for the other 3 that the other two parishes have on him...

This one is going to be a felony! My D said to let him know if I knew that my HB was going to be in the same place for 24 hr. so that he can come pick up the car...it's my D and should my HB get arrested there's a good possibility that the car will be impounded and my D doesn't have the money to get it out. So, even though my part is small in this, I have that to deal with also.

I can handle it, it's high time that this 21 yr old BOY suffers the consequences of his actions...

SO, It's always somethin'...LOL

Have a great day!

Arghh. I am getting tired of all the times I seem to fat finger things into cyberspace.

So this mornign I wrote a pretty good post but boom I hit esc for some stupid reason. This is why Frog should not multi task.

Anyway. Look into his and her 1 hour massages and a lunch with a babaysitter watching the kids.

The massages, in my area, cost less then a hotel and it melts away all your worries. To me it is better then getting rid of the kids overnight. LOL

just a thought.

OOOOO, Excellent idea, Frog! That sounds right up our alley. It's much easier for me to find help for a couple of hours, but overnights are a bit much to ask; not much family to speak of, and the family we do have, well, they SEEM very distant, at best. Most of my friends live an hour away, but I do have a couple of local 'new' friends who have offered their babysitting services. I'll have to brainstorm for more ideas.

I look forward to the warmer months when we can do more outdoor stuff together, like putt-putt, batting cage type of things. We can also go down town and enjoy some outdoor eating on the water and such.

Thanks, everybody! Every bit of info helps.

silent i'm so glad that things are moving forward.

How did you H session go with JC?

Is he coming to this site?

I'm with frog, a couples massage would be great fun for the two of you.

Hey Marflow,

Hmmm, how DID my H's session go? Good question; he has not discussed it with me as of yet. I am going to bring it up sometime this weekend, hopefully when we get some alone time. When I 'coached' with Jennifer she told me what her approach is with the WH, so I'm already aware of her practice. WH has read MUCH of this site and the articles, but with work being crazy for him right now, he has been focusing his 'online' time to the web improvements he needs to make for his job.

I'm okay with the delay, but he is aware that we need some time together. I'm not pushing, and I'm okay with the pace. He is open with me, he tells me his whereabouts, when he's going to do what, and he ASKS if I agree with something he is going to do. For instance, he had invited my brother over one afternoon to get some work done on his car, before he did, he ASKED me if it was okay. I said, "of course it's okay", he said, "well, I know that we need to agree on these things". WH was being thoughtful, something he hadn't done in a very long time, probably years.

I must say, Recovery is not all that exciting, very small changes occur over long periods of time. I like the pace, and as long as we see improvement, I'm compelled to keep on keepin on. I do hope, someday, to have my H feel whole again. I was lucky to have found this place, and to have had the counsel of many who have been there done that. I don't live in fear anymore.

Thank you for checking in. I will be updating as things happen.

I'm still watching and hoping, so keep updating.

WOW, that sounds so great! He asked...Cool!

Did you miss my last post about my HB? I was just wondering...it adds to all the [email]cr@p[/email] that's going on...

You know the thing that stick out in my mind so much is my S and IC saying that I am a survivor and how strong I am...the IC asked if she could add to my list of characteritics that I likes about myself and I said sure and she added strong and couragous...

HUm, it's not two that come to mind...LOL...well, enough about me...

Did you know Still had a massage last night, and hour! And she slept all night... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I'm so jealous...LMAO...

Rind,

I didn't really have a massage <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> wish I did. I just selpt all night.

Was refering to your sleeping all night would be like getting a massage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Although I wish I had someone here to give a massage and maybe a little something else.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> it's been a long time.

Still