This is almost the only place I can go and feel normal when i speak the truth about this. I have a couple of girl friends ( and, yes, I do thank god for them) who are always there for me. My sister is always there for me; she just gets emotional and angry and it can be hard to deal with.

Mimi, I knew too, my friend, I knew too...doomed is a good word. I do have a plan and I will get right back on track with it again. I haven't been off of the Plan B track for that long, and this time, I will ONLY long for my H. No hoping that my WH will show up---he's a horrible being.

Hiker--Well HELLO THERE! Thank you for the pep talk. I KNOW that I will be happy again; I really, honestly hate the thought of WH coming back after I've moved on; it will be such a waste for that to happen. That's okay, though. I'm looking for my H, who I may never see again. I'm happy to say that I did catch a glimpse of him, and it was marvelous.

What's really not so great, my WH does computer work for my company (after hours) so every email we get about work being done is a reminder of him.

((((SL))))

I am just feeling sick to my stomach for you. I so wish there were something I could say or do. I can only pray for you and your sweet little DS. Cry your heart out, SL. I wish I could offer you my real shoulder. Just know that everyone here hears your pain, understands your pain, and have nothing but compassion and admiration for you.

Take care of yourself.

SOMEONE needs to start a Plan B party thread .... where the Plan Bers can mix it up and get jiggy wid it

Plan B = FREEDOM from the chaos

Lilsis, you have been an inspiration to us all here. You have worked so very hard in Plan A and now in Plan B. I'm so proud of you, so awed by your tenacity and strength. You are going to be a great source for this MB forum. You will be just fine when all is said and done. I believe I will be too. I don't need your shoulder, as I feel I am being carried right now, with all of the compassion and help in focusing me.

I have no idea what my future holds, and that's okay. Day by day, I'll ferret that out.

I am certain that I will be okay.

I am certain that I have the strength to move on.

I am certain that I deserve honesty and openness

I am certain that I will be happy again

I am certain that I love myself, as well, if not better, than I love others

I am certain my smile will return <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pep, I agree, there are MANY MB's now in the midst of Plan B. It would be good to have a thread for us to mix it up. I'll start it...

Count me in <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

SL, I'm sorry this has happened...I wish I could grab your WH and knock some sense into his childish head. You are worthy or much better...remember that.

HTW

Hang on to this thought, SL....and don't think about anything else....except how to best 'protect' yourself!


I am sooo sorry for the pain...SL.....you KNOW many of us have been there.....it will be OK....hang on tight to not fall off the rollercoaster....no need to make any MAJOR decision NOW.....focus of DOING just what needs to be done.....grocery shopping... cleaning house....take a walk...get a hug from your DS.....no decision-making activity....NO THINKING! ...if you need meds to help out...see your doctor....

Affairs....D-days...false recoveries....are very traumatic experiences...tough on the mind and tough on the body......please be kind to yourself!

...there is nothing you can do for your WS...except let him live out HIS choices... he wants happiness and a painless life...and thinks that OW is the 'solution'....when in fact he is setting himself up for MUCH MUCH more pain and unhappiness with the loss of his family....and only R with OW in 'reality time'..will allow him to find that out on his own! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

....you must take care of yourself, and at least, not allow him to take you down with him....you are much much too valuable...... and unfortunately, you KNOW I am not talking through my hat here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

(((((((((((((((((SL))))))))))))))))))))

My husband did the same thing. He broke it off with OW(1), mourned her, tried to get her back and left again. That didn't work out, so he started another thing with OW(2). It waasn't until months after that when he finally came home. ((((SL))))

Luna ... you have been transformed ... REALLY

I am in awe

YOU
Are a woman of
Wisdom,
Courage, strength, compassion
& creativity

Go forth, then, with the fire of
Confidence in your heart, kindle it with care
& never let it’s brilliant flame go out!!

Thinking of you today, SL.

Fox

Fox, that is beautiful. I'm going to print that out and put it on my fridge. Beautiful!

A possibility my rear end its an absolute fing certainty.

This is all about him and his selfishness and immorality. He can't take being a real man and living up to responsibilities he made for himself. He had rather run around in la la land and the land of make believe. It's more fun over there (for now) and there is nothing or no one to take care of except himself and his feelings.

Dark, dark plan B and let cheating, lying, POS OW meet all his needs. Take care of you and son financially even if it means taking him to court and leave the rest to God.

Take care Silent

SL,

I would say that one of my main criteria on moving toward a D was DOING EVERYTHING I COULD DO to save my M.

I wanted to make sure the regrets I would have had if we got a D were over the end of our M. I would not regret not doing everythign I could because I did.

I would say your efforts would fall into the later as well. You of course will be hurt and will have regrets but you can keep your head up.

You can walk away KNOWING you did more then your part to save this M.

Your WH probably thinks him coming home did the same. It is not for you try to convince him otherwise. You did your part.

Now it is time for you to keep moving forward.

Good luck.

hopeandpray, when I asked the question, I was not disrespectful, i was attempting to point out that his reasoning that nothing HERE had changed was, indeed, a misrepresentation of the situation; that everyone else had made changes, just not him.

Frog, WH tried to pull the ole "Well, I tried" thing out, and I didn't bite. I told him that I didn't believe that he made much of an effort at all if he had contact with a cheating OW. That's not even close to effort, that is subterfuge... ("Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!" Sir Walter Scott)

I have done all I believe that I can, except go right back to the darkness, but make it midnight on the first night of the new moon in the middle of the desert.

My H gave the very same "I TRIED SPEECH" written in the WS HANDBOOK...

Like your WH, he came back TOO EARLY before he reached his BOTTOM...

Next time..if there is a next time..he needs to come back ON HIS KNEES...BEGGING....AND PLEADING....

I agree, Mimi, I agree. I let my guard down at a time when I wasn't seeing a totally repentent H. As soon as he met with OW, I knew he wasn't ready . I had hoped he would come around, but wasn't fully expecting miracles.

Hey, he may never return this time, and that is what my Plan B is for, to move-on without him. I have nothing left in my LB; I still FEEL something for him, mostly PAIN...

SL, I'm so sorry. I want to rough him up, too. You know that he will regret it some day. And you know that you will be fine, whatever happens. You know that you will be happy again.

I can only imagine your frustration and pain right now, though, and I wish there were more I could do to help.

((((SL))))

((((Silent))))

I am so sorry. I so wanted this to work out for you both.

Not much I can offer you, but ((((((hugs))))))

My WH seems O.K. with the upcoming D. He doesn't want to reconcile.

I am in Plan B too, not much more to do right now. I still hope, but it's fading super fast.

I can only hope he will regret his decision someday, because he destroyed a family that I believe could have made it.

[color:"blue"] remember this????

put his crap out in boxes

call him "it's out there"

no excuses

if he wants any of it ... he'll pick it up

if not
put it next to the trash next trash day [/color]

It is obvious to me that he doesn't want to lose his wife or his mistress. If I were you, I would give him a HEAVY dose of reality and consequences. I would D him, get full custody and take him for everything he is worth. You can always reconcile later, but I don't think he'll ever snap out of the fog until he really has some consequences. Up to this point he hasn't had many. Once the A is over, I would let him go through withdrawal all on his own and not let him back into your life a MINIMUM of six months after it is over with the OW. The problem with your situation was that he was with OW right up until the point he came back to you. He was afraid he had lost you, so he dumped OW long enough to suck you back in. I wouldn't make yourself so available this time.