I wondered...is it possible once the affair has happened for me, H, OM and his wife to all be friends? I mean, if OM and I are the only ones who know. I know a lot of people will say no, but keep in mind we're very firm on our decision. <P>And I love my H more than life.<P>Thanks<P><P>------------------<BR>"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."

Hello<BR>I would say no it does not mater how strong you resolve is that it won't happen again it will it is to easy to fall back into the same pattern cut off all contact how can you expect to get over him if you are alwaysgoing to be in his company and really be honest if you were in your h shoes would you like it continually in your face ???<BR>Just my 2 cents worth<P>Jenny<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<P>

Sounds a little bit like "ease the withdrawal pangs" to me. Maybe not. Take baby steps. Spend more time with other couples, other friends, gradually distance yourself from this couple.<P>Do not put the Lord your God to the test.<P>In country hic terms, if you keep hanging around that creek bank you're gonna slid in.<BR>

I would say no, look my h had been friends with the ow's h for 15 years, friends with ow for about 6 years , He and I both agreed that our marriage means more than their friendship, so when they showed up wanting to be friends again, well the answer was NO, I know you say the affair is over, but who knows what could happen ? What if you both start having problems in your marriages again ? Then what will happen ? Besides the more often you see one another, the more you will think of each other, and not your spouse's. I'd say let these friends go. <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Sad4now --- I also say no to being friends. My H pratically hates the OM and if I even suggested being friends would hurt him even more. Plus I think the first time we did anything as "friends" my H would try to hurt OM if not kill him for even looking at me let alone touching me in the past. I wouldn't want to ruin a future with my H by being friends with OM.

I would say NO as well. The problem is that the OM will always be there...an option. You say that you are very firm in your decision….BUT…you were probably firm with your marriage vows when you took them too. Over time something happened that made you not as firm. Having the OM right there will make it all to easy for it to happen again. Don’t put that temptation there again.

Sad4Now:<P>Something I'm confused about. You say that only you and the OM know about the affair. Yet, you also say that you love your H more than life itself.<P>I don't see how you can reconcile these statements, and here's why:<P>If you love your H more than life itself, you'll tell him what happened. I know you think you're sparing his feelings, but that, believe it or not, is very disrespectful to your H. What you are saying by keeping this from him is that you know better than him what is best for him. That's disrespectful.<P>I suspect that the real reason you haven't told him, whether you acknowledge this consciously or not, is that you are afraid of that he may leave you. That is a normal response. It took me three hours of constant questioning and assurances that I wouldn't leave to finally get my wife to admit that she slept with her OM. She was afraid I'd leave her.<P>However, the choice to stay or leave is your H's, not yours. You violated your marriage vows, and he deserves the right to know this and, in the light of the truth, decide whether it would be in his best interests to stay married to you or not.<P>I understand that the possibility of losing someone you care deeply for is hard, but it's a lesson of life. You made your bed, now you must lie in it. Keeping this information from your H is extremely disrespectful, and I don't believe you'll be able to heal your marriage correctly if you don't confess all. Besides, how do you know that the OM won't confess to HIS wife, who may in turn tell your H. Would you rather he found out THAT way?<P>As for friendship with the OM and his wife, forget about it. You're kidding yourself if you think you can just go back to being buddies. You'll ALWAYS have that affair between the two of you, and it will get harder to keep it secret if you continue to socialize together.<P>Do yourself and your H a favor. Cut contact with them and confess. Only THEN will you be able to start healing. It may not be the kind of healing you want, but one way or another, you'll be better off for it.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P><BR>