I know it was the right thing, and it IS so very easy to allow the WS to lead us astray in our thoughts.

It just pisses me off for ANYONE to tell me that I am abusive or threatening. IF my LIFE depended on it, LITERALLY, I would use self defense to attempt to save it, but I will not join in with the adultery by condoning it or helping them to hide it. If her parents already knew, what's the PROBLEM?

How is telling the world about an affair slanderous or wrong (if you're not the WS, that is?) IT'S NOT!!!

What's great is MY SISTER thought it was wise of me. I told two of my girlfriends at work. Go figure, the one who is married said that she doens't know if she would have done the same thing, but she's not in my sitch, and if she were, or ever is, she'll be contacting ME. My other girlfriend is a conflict AVOIDER, and she can be a bit short sighted, only comprehending what she knows. Sometimes, she can be judgemental. She asked why I did that? I said that I needed for her parents to know that truth; that exposing the A would bring light to it. I needed to do all that I could for my son, and this was one last thing I could do.

She didn't get it; thought it was nuts. That's okay. There aren't many people who understand this, and that is part of why it is so difficult to traverse. My girlfriend actually has no boundaries herself. She lets men in and out of hers and her son's lives without any kind of time or space. I know part of it comes from insecurity. It's funny what people will settle for just so they don't have to be alone. This current guy she is seeing has already left her on two occassions, stating that he wanted to try and work it out with his long-time girlfriend (with whom he shares a child). Can you say --- DANGER! I worry that she does not love herself much.

I can't fault people for not understanding, as I would not wish this on anyone for any reason.

if you're looking for a bright spot in his insanity....at least you weren't accused of threatening her children....."My god! a teacher" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Silent,

I think this is only something you can understand when someone becomes a part of this club.

A club we didn't have any choice if we wanted to join or not.

Alot of my friends and family don't understand either. We just have to do what we need to do.

Still

one of the hardest things for me to understand was the reaction of my h's family to my exposure both to them and to OWH and her mother

when i called OWH and her mother on the first D-day and told them about the A......his family was just as shocked as i was and thought it was a good thing to do...they said they would have done the same

however....they didn't think that i should have told my H's father because his health is poor

but......it ended the affair (at least for 8 months)

then......after he moved out and was living with OW and they all knew except for me and they were all supporting "whatever made him happy"

they said that they can't imagine what i was hoping to accomplish by calling her mother or her H

that i couldn't possibly think my H would come back to me after i did THAT

OY, eav, people are so cruel. I have learned some very valuable lessons during all of this catastrophe, and one is to close my mouth and open my heart and listen.

I hope that if this ever happens with my son and his spouse, and if it is my son who is wayward, I will be supportive of my son's FAMILY (his spouse/his children), and support ending an A. I will do all that I can to PREPARE my son for life, and will allow him to make mistakes and do my best to let him learn through consequences, so that he will NOT behave in such a cruel way to begin with.

One can only understand it if it happens to them and they choose to educate themselves. Other people may think they get it, but they don't. And parents of Waywards are probably particularly challenged. Who would want to believe that their children were capable of such actions?

My MIL seemed to get it--suspected that WW was lying about things, but thought that there was a limit. Seemed to know that WW was making a mistake (but wouldn't come out and admit it), said some of the right things, but when push came to shove, she told me "Well, WW says that there were problems before the affair and that the separation would be happening whether she was having the affair or not." Right. Then she forwarded my emails to WW.

Blood is thicker than water, especially for shallow people.

I understand the need to choose to stay out of it, and choose to continue a R with your children in the face of their bad choices, but I would not HARBOR them. I would tell MY son to be a MAN, and to do what is right, BUT, I've been through this, and I KNOW how devastating it is from the inside.

My WH said the same things about his leaving, that he would have done it with or without OW present. I said, 'Okay, then let's stay together until you get over OW and we work on our R, IF THEN things do not work out, you would then be able to be ON YOUR OWN, that is, if OW is not your reason for leaving...Makes sense, right?

Way to go on exposure. Be gentle with yourself. You've been indoctrinated to believe a liar - your reflex is to believe the mirror of himself he holds up and says, "This is you". That mirror has "liar" "homewrecker" "slanderer", etc. I know consciously you know this - but you need to reach into your heart and gently protect the growing sense of self that no longer has his abusive portrayal of your identity scribbled on it.

((((HUGS)))))

SL, you have inspired me to seek out OM parents in my sitch and expose to them.

Hang in there!! That is a great analogy above by KaylaAndy about the mirror.

Your truth, your mirror, shows you did the right thing, shows you are strong, shows you are growing. Grab that identity and don't let it go!

SL, just today I thought of having the very same conversation with my WW. If the OM isn't what it's about, then why not actually try to fix our marriage. The answer would be "We did try." Deep deep in the Fog. Yours, too, but you know that.

Mornin Everyone!

Today is a new day. It's going to be about 70 degrees F today! I do have to work, but I look forward to taking the dogs out to play after and hanging out in the hot tub with my son again.

I'm still sleeping like a rock...

sdguy, that FOG is thick. They get you to start questioning if they ARE different than anybody else in this sitch. I just shook my head last night and got that thought to shake loose. Whew!

Kayla and Eph, I cleaned my mirrors last night. I just see me reflected back now.

good mornin sl......glad you're feeling better

gosh PMS does take a larger toll now doesn't it...that was the undoing to my plan A...every month I would lose it....oh well...keep on truckin!!!! at least in plan B we don't even have to pretend we are not coming undone...we can FEEL what we are FEELING!!!

I have experienced the lack of understanding from most people as well, but now I just tell them I am focusing on me right now...most people think I am moving on...and now I am expected to make things nice and rosy for the love birds, seeing as I am "moving on" and all, right??? ughhh!!! oh, and the lack of communication is "childish" did you know? so , now i am the inconvenient one. I swear some people just want you to quiet down with all the drama. they were good the first week and now, I should just accept it honey and move on...good girl...

I will say that I have had OVERWHELMING support from 2 people in particular, a friend and 1 acquantance, can you guess why?? yup,, then have been here. it is uncanny that I could tell this about them even before they confided in me.. they just GOT it, immediately...the depth of concern in their voice...the compassion and way the spoke to me....the force with which they want to castrate WS....they knew. and one of them is a friend of WS.

I remember having a girl talk with a bunch of my friends about "what if your H cheated?" well... my answers are nothing like what i am going through..I can't believe we were so nonchalant about it....it feels so different now:(

SL,
I really don't need to hear about women in hot tubs right now, although FB's PMS rant brought me back down.

Just thought I'd give yall some [email]cr@p[/email] for no reason. That's what I do when I'm feeling like myself. It's all in good fun. Please don't be offended. We need all the humor we can muster right now.

On that note I'd like to share with you a fortune cookie I got the other day. It's the best one I ever got. It read:

"Even the greatest of whales is helpless in the desert."

DEEP

I should probably put that in my sig

Have a good day

Hi, SL! Good Morning! I just wanted to pop my head in and check on you!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I need to play catch up with your thread...from what I understand WH chose HO...and you have exposed again or just her parents?

I'm not even sure what your plans are? If I remember correctly you were planning to file sometime soon? Oh, I'm so sorry...for not keeping up...for the [email]cr@p[/email] you are going through...but I'm here to offer my support! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BC- So, you're a chinese food man? LOL...I love chinese...

DEEP HUH? LMAO...I don't get those...LOL...and they're usually no fun unless we add in bed behind it! LOL

FB- that is so wonderful that you have those two people in your life...I'm sure that it really helps some...

You speak about the compassion in their voices and I can hear them...how great is that? LOL Definitily a treasure in my book! Take care!

Howdy, BC...Hey, I enjoy humor, it's a savior. I would rather laugh anyday.

I've also decided that I would like a day in my life when I am not LIVING MY life. I'll take one of my dogs' lives on the weekend...

Look up!

Footprints in the clouds!

No really! I think we posted about the same time! I was trying to make a funny! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey SL,

Enjoy your weekend of sniffing butts and eating cat turds.
Maybe you could even [email]cr@p[/email] on the rug. WOOHOO!!

I think I'll go to the Blarney Blast at Bennigans instead.
WW has T-Boy this weekend.

LOL or as ya'll like to put it

BWAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA

Hey Silent- Just wanted to say hi.

You seem to be recovering from the lasted blow from WH.

How is you DS doing?

You have stated that you might go ahead with the D this summer. I thought when he moved back in that you would have to start the process over and wait another year.

What ever you decide God will be with you.

PS. way to go on exposing to OW Mom. YOU ROCK <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi, SL...

just wanted to let you know that I'm cheering you on!

SLSLSLSL...HUrray!

Just being silly today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Marflow, DS is much more vocal this time around, he's grown quite a bit since his dad left last summer for the SECOND time. He told me, right before he went to sleep tonight, I miss Daddy, I want my buddy back. I told him that I want his daddy back, too, but we are going to be just fine, no matter what. I told him to try to remember to say these things to his daddy; talk to his daddy and be as open and honest as he is with me. He's really a darling boy; he's a lot of work sometimes, but his laugh melts all frustrations away...

Rind, I'm cheering you on, too, girl! I still have moments where my triggers get the best of me. I get triggered just by which direction my WH takes out of the driveway after he drops off our son. If he turns right, going to friends house, left, he's taking the interstate, going to OW's home. Well, that's where he lives now, so it doesn't surprise me, but the last vestiges of hoping that he would be a good man are dying everytime he turn left...
It's okay, it's reality for me, and that is good. He's not happy right now, I know he's conflicted and 'weak' (as he said when I asked him why he was leaving AGAIN). I'm glad to be out of the cross hairs now, and to be settling back down again.

It's a bit more difficult right now. I can only imagine how my DS feels if I feel like I do. They say life's not fair, but there should be a special rule for children...