SL,

I have had my DSS in counseling before. Usually they will meet with just the parent(s) first, then all together. THEN with DS alone.

How much you counsel together will depend on what they determine DS needs the most right now.

Make a list of questions. keep a list of DS's behaviors. Note what was going on with you, with WS, any recent interactions. It can all be very helpful. Things YOU may not think are noticed or important, may be VERY important.

Keep that determination and focus!

This is a bit of a relief to me, SL. I was about to caution you again not to make any important decisions while you're sick. I was amazed at the difference in my state of mind last week (when I had the stomach bug) vs this week. Friday, I dropped the kids off in the morning, went back home and slept for three hours and ended up staying home from work. It let me shake off the last of the bug, and starting Saturday I felt great. I feel strong again.

Now, in addition to being sick, you're angry about the development with your son, and that may cloud your judgment as well. Don't get me wrong--you can't help but be angry, and I'm angry for you. Livid. It's one more thing that's going to make you despise your WH. But this isn't about WH--it's about your H. You saw him, right? He was there in your presence. Sure, he couldn't hold it, but give him time to really bottom out, and maybe you will get him back for good. As long as that's what you want. When the time comes, it will be up to you.

Hang in there. Get well. Take care of the kiddo. Be strong.

(((SL)))

And you're welcome, of course. I think you're great.

sdguy,
I am going to be setting up another appointment with my lawyer. I want to discuss with her getting the WHOLE NEW story down, so that we can discuss what to do this summer. As February 2nd (when WH came home) the clock resets on our separation. Actually, the clock resets as of the day he left (March 7th). I don't really care about waiting another year for divorce, especially considering that I do NOT want one.

I feel strongly about fighting for sole legal custody of our DS. I also feel strongly about staying in OUR home, so I will be discussing these things with her. Our LSA can remain in place, but I may want some changes made for D proceedings. I want more of what's happening here on RECORD. The gloves are off, in terms of my financial future.

Yes, I'm a bit fired up due to what this is doing to our son, and the anger, when diverted toward doing good (not evil) is helping me to be more clear about what we NEED. Plan B is a great thing, and I have learned so much about myself and how to be free from the fog that is cast so far out from the waywards that the BS can still get caught up in it.

don't forget silent

he can get a D in one year only IF you AGREE

(one year living separate if BOTH parties agree)

if you DO NOT agree....then he has to wait until you have lived separate for TWO YEARS

because HE has no grounds to file for D

Oh, eav, thanks, I always forget that part. We'll see how things go, but for now, I'm just going to set the record straight with my lawyer, AGAIN. Make sure everything is on file with her, dates and such, before too much more time passes.

I also want all of this on file as it may look favorable for me if I petition for a D MYSELF after one year, because I can claim abandonment, adultery (2x). This may help leverage more in terms of being able to reside in the home with the option to sell being under MY discretion.

I don't want a D, as of now, so I just want this information recorded by my lawyer.

MD actually has better laws than many states where a D can happen way too fast!

It's funny, when I first considered D last year, I was upset at the waiting period for D, but since, my head is a bit more clear, I am in NO hurry to move on to another man, and my son could use all of the Plan B I can muster, so I'm actually happy that I have time to mull things over. It's a good thing, our laws here. They allow people TIME for thinking, for letting emotions die down; otherwise, I would probably be D right now.

Silent,

Right now I wished I lived in Maryland. Here there is just a 60 day cooling off period. So if everything went without a hitch someone could be divorced in 61 days.

I regret filing for divorce... I think it's good that you're taking your time. As it looks I could be divorced by May or June.

Still

AS an upside to my day, I was talking to my pregnant girlfriend (the only one left to talk to outside MB, except for my big sis), and I wanted to show her pics of me when I was just about 9 mos pregnant. I started searching my old pics and found 3 that showed how GARGANTUAN my belly was-WHOA--She's gonna blow! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I also found one of those 30 sec vids you can take with digital cameras of me dancing around with the big belly, and I heard my HUSBANDS voice in the background, and how happy he sounded. It reminded me that he is still in there. Even if we do not recover, I hope to see him again someday; I hope my son gets to see him again. Also, it reminded me that all of my memories are NOT bad; some are amazing.

I almost wish that he took the time to look at some of these great memories before he had gone again. They touch you inside, it's like an imprint on your soul, all of these little memories. Like patches on a quilt, they come together to make something beautiful.

Still,

We have a longer cooling off period, but our state can divorce people within a 1/2 year.

I too regretted filing for D. I thought doing so would wake WH up and realize what he was doing. That hasn't happened.

I *think* I have finally come to terms with filing. I still have my bad days, mostly feeling bad for the kids and them having to come from a D'd home. But honestly I think I want to start new and move on. With all teh [email]cr@p[/email] that he's putting me through in court, he's not worth it.

I don't want WH back. I doubt he will ever come back anyway, and even if *H* comes back, I'm really not sure at this point if I could ever forgive.

So *today*, I don't regret filing at all. Who knows how I'll feel next week!

Here in SC we have to be separated a year before WW could file. I don't know how long it takes after that. I keep telling myself a lot can happen in a year.

Silent, I hear you on the memories. I pulled out all our photo albums and was instantly taken back in time to when those events happened. Like you said, they are imprinted on my soul and I know they are on hers as well. I guess that is why she left so many things here at our house - they are strong reminders of us. Heck, she even left her wedding bouquets here.

Cat,

Not meaning to TJ... Did your H counterfile? Because if he didn't you could always put the D on hold.

I haven't been to a place all this year where I haven't regretted filing.

Still

Silent,

I don't believe he counterfiled, but if I ever put the D on hold, he would. He has made it perfectly clear that he does not want to reconcile.

My IC told me that I would come to a point when I would just want peace in my life and want this nightmare to be over. I think I am at that point now.

As I said I NEVER wanted to do this to my kids, D. We brought them into this world to be part of a 2 parent home. They do not deserve this. They never asked for this, yet they have no choice, which breaks my heart. Kind of like someone making you eat anchovies every day for the rest of your life, when you absolutly hate them, but you HAVE to eat them no matter what. The same with the kids. They didn't ask for this D, but they have to endure it no matter what. So unfair, and that is what breaks my heart and that is what I am having the hardest time with. If I did not have kids, I would not be regretting one thing.

However, 2 people have to want a M, and WH obviously does not. I can't make him, can't control him. I have to accept that and somehow move onward. No matter how difficult that will be.

You could still put it on hold. And if he wanted to file he would have to start the process all over again. At least that's how it is our state.

Yea he even counterfiled for alimony!!!

Still

SL,

Your memories of being pregnant brought back a couple smiles and laughs for me too.

When Wayzilla was pregnant with the future DD19 she got pretty big. I used to sing a modified version of “The Love Boat” in my best lounge singer imitation called “The Love Bloat”. It usually ended up with her chasing me around the house trying to kick my butt and a lot of laughs.

She has all the photo albums now and is removing what she wants to keep. There are 8 thick books to go through. I hope as she does this there is at least a glimmer of what we once had in her mind. Probably not.

chrisner, I don't think there is any possible way to block the GOOD memories that are evoked when looking over our past memories, when everything was easier and we were truly happy.

I actually thought of this yesterday, that I hope that my H takes a moment to look through our wedding album. I will probably send along a big set of old photos that we have for him to go through also, so that he can remove the pics that he wants. I didn't feel sad looking at those things, it actually made me happy to see how happy we once were. You can't take that away from me.

My WW didn't take any photos. Basically refused to even look at them when were "trying to recover." Fog, Fog, Fog.

How's the throat?

SL,

Wanted to say hi. Been lurking a while but haven't really had time to post.

The pictures are tough but don't count on the WH to see them like you do.

I remember seeing our pictures and wishing we were that much in love again.

I think the FWW saw them and wondered why I changed so much lol.

Based on the fog and the revisions the things they think and see are completely different. If not then they wouldn't be able to live with themselves.

Nobody wants to admit they aren't a very moral person.

YOu will do ok though your head is on straight.

Good luck and keep up the fight.

HI, I recently did that before I left the house. Actually the kids and I watched a home video, I smiled alot!

Wondering where it all were wrong...most of it was the kids...you know they always make you smile!

I don't have to worry about you...I know that you'll be okay!

CAUSE YOUR MY GIRL! WOOHOO! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think for most Waywards, they are either so fogged out that all they can say is akin to what frog mentioned, wondering why the BS has changed so much, OR, they CANNOT look at them because it SHOWS them the pain they are causing. It's a lot to ask someone who just commited manslaughter, to go back and look at the faces of the children and families that they destroyed, and be able to go about there day without wanting to perish, themselves.

Judging from the last conversation that I had with him, and the hint that my WH says he needs HELP, too, like our son does, well, I think he's in a bit of a slump. I think this time around, he took a big hit. There wasn't anyone saying STAY, DON'T GO, we NEEEEEED you. Nope, I said we WANT you to be here, we want to recover, but the door is opened, no chains, no bars exist here.

Meh, I'm not really thinking about WH much this week. I'm focusing on my DS. It's been a bit warmer round these parts, so we've been playing after work, kicking the soccer ball around, swinging, and playing tag, or just generally chasing one another.

I'm so glad that spring is here. I'll get to get some yardwork done, and make some new plantings. I think I'm going to paint the front door and add a kick panel in bronze, and add some shutters to the house. Mowing the lawn is nice time for me too. There is so much that I can do around here, that I can ALWAYS be busy. It's a good thing.