My husband and I are recovering from an his affair. Its been 15 months since we began recovering.
Everyting has been going very well...until this past little bit. I've noticed a few "sneaky" behaviors from him. The first was a few charges to our debit card that were unexplained until confronted.
The second just happened today. He attends a class every monday in a town that is 180 miles for a round trip. I monitor his miles ( without him knowing) and I noticed that last nights trip only took him 80 miles. He SWORE to me up and down that he did attend class. However, he had no explantion as to the discrepincy in the miles.
He considers it love busting when I keep hounding him about an issue or problem...however it is KILLING me not knowing and not fully believing him.
How should I proceed with this. Im so afraid that my insecurities and worry are going to chase him away again...yet my gut is killing me with worry and thoughts that are in my head.
HELP PLEASE!!!!!

You should invest in.

1. GPS <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
2. Digital recorder voice activated. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
3. Computer key logger <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

This will give you the entire truth. It's better to ask the q's when you already know the answers.....like a good trial lawyer.

It really sucks to feel snoopy, but he's done this to you and you need to recover.

Your intuition is probably correct, especially since he has a history of this. Your insecurities are not going to push him away, he is going to push you away by his behavior. I would recommend going into stealth mode to track him. I would put GPS on his car and monitor all his phone calls.

Also, post more of your story here. How have you recovered from the first A? What steps to you two take to prevent another from occuring. Also include stuff like ages, children, etc.

Thanks....call me stupid...but Im not sure Im ready to go back to all the "stealth" behavior. I did that at first, it was exhausting.
We have recovered by following the MB plan. We discussed our needs and we do monthly evaluations of each other. That is what is making this so difficult. We have been doing sooo good! Both meeting need etc. However, I am a worrier. I've even been known to create things to worry about. So, Im not sure what is "real". I do know that mileage is though.
It is our 10 year marital anniversary on Thursday. I just keep praying that he is planning a suprise or somehting. Call me neive???
We have 3 little girls. Ages 7,6, and 3.
I just cant have my heart broke again.
Not sure it could handle it.

But less exhaustive then say...a Divorce?

I would definitely put a gps in his car. No more worries.

Okay, here ya go....

Get a digital camera, turn on the date/time mode, take a photo of the automobile's odometer reading. When he returns go out and take another photo of the odometer reading. Ask him to explain the difference in mileage if any exists. If he says's that he can't or that you must be mistaken that he's been in class everytime he was supposed to then have the printed photos out and place them in front of him with the dates and times on the photos and tell him that the lying stops RIGHT NOW.

You are well within your rights to snoop. He has not yet earned his trust card, not by a long way.

So you all truly believe that the best solution is to try to catch him lying??
I would much rather try to sit and have a discussion with him. Are there things that I should clearly state??
I mean...we both know that the mileage cant be right if he indeed drove to class.
I guess I need to just tell him EXACTLY how I feel and what I fear, and EXACTLY what I need. And then just take it from there.

That's good. Have that conversation, but know that those are the next steps if the answer is not satisfying enough.

I have to say that she was pissed about me cutting off her cell phone, home phone...which actually was my office phone, and moving the money to a separate checking account. However today it feels like she is empowered to make it on her own. I want her to miss me, so I got to be gone!

Bust him. How about say, "I really feel like you are not being honest with me because of A,B, and C.....and be ready for the answer. Does he try and hid it or explain why he was a certain way, or does he acknowledge your feelings. If he defends....he is lying!!!!

Sorry, but that first part should not be in there!! Rookie mistake on the cut and past!!