I posted my story under "Just Found Out", but someone suggest I re-post over here. This is probably good so I can get the whole story out with more detail.

I have been reading through quite a bit of the info here, but still have a ways to go. Sorry, I do not know all of the acronyms that are being used.

Anyway, here is the story.

My wife and I have been together for 7 years. We have been married for 4 years. She is 24, I am 34.

Last week, we were to go on a trip to celebrate our Anniversary. We were going to spend five nights away and having fun.

But, this started the day before, on New Years day.
I was home sick with a bad cold. She had to work in the morning until 3pm. She called just before 3:00 and told me that she was going out with a friend from work and that she will be out "for a little while".

I never saw her again until morning when I woke up. I didn't say anything other than asking if she had a good time.

We packed up and left for our trip. She was distant the whole time, just staring out of the window and listening to her CD player. She never said more than a few words during the entire 6 hour drive. We get to the hotel, grab some food and she definitely had the look on her face of "I just don't want to be here". That night, when it was time for bed, she just rolled over facing away from me. No goodnight or anything.

The next day, we got into an argument over her behavior for the past couple of days. Yelling and screaming, I said things I regret. She said she wanted to go home and when we get there if I would leave so she could sort things out. I said ok.

I asked her about New Years Day and why I didn't even get a courtesy call to let me know she was going to be out later than anticipated. She replied to that with, "If you wanted to know, you could have called me".

Anyway, during the days after this, I holed up in a Motel 6. On Thursday I drove over to collect some things and repack my bag and we talked for a bit. Whenever the subject of our future would come up, she would respond by saying "You are backing me into a corner", so I would stop. The next day I came over and we talked some more. She was more open to discussion and she layed it out, how she was feeling, how she didn't feel loved, etc...
I verbally agreed to everything, just to keep the peace and to keep her talking.
I suggested counseling and she said she did not want that because she has no romantic feelings for me any more.

On Monday, I went home in the morning and she told me she wanted a divorce. We could not talk much because she had to go to work. She said she would be back at 5pm and we would talk more. I said ok. I was planning on leaving for work that evening and would be spending a couple days on the road.

She got home and we talked. It came out that she started seeing our upstairs neighbor. It made sense now what happened on New Years Day. She also went out with him again on Saturday night while I was at the motel. When it came out, I remained composed. I told her I feel sad and betrayed by the turn of events. I did not yell and scream, to which she said she was surprised. She expected me to fly into a rage over it, but I did not.

At one point, she was looking very tense and I offered a neck rub. She said, "No thanks" but then walked past me and stopped and dropped her head, which has been the universal signal to me saying "I would like a neck massage!!". I massaged her neck and shoulders, lower back, arms and hands. During the time, she shuddered once (like she used to when I would do this) and she even leaned back into me, resting her head on my chest as I worked on her arms.

Later that evening, she went to see him because she told me that "She had to tell him that I know about it". I said, "ok". She returned after a couple of hours and looked like she was crying hard. It turned out that after she told him, he backed off and pretty much ended the relationship. I decided to leave so when I gathered up my bags, she followed me around the apartment. When I walked out the door, she said, "Good-bye, Honey" and when I was walking to the car, she had turned off all the lights in the apartment and was looking out the window at me.

I called and made an appointment with a recommended marriage counselor for Thursday. I called her to tell her that, and she seemed to close up on me. I said, I am going to see this person and you are more than welcome to come along with me. She said she would think about it.

I don't know what to do, or what steps I should take. I am very confused and lost right now.

Part of me wants to stay away, the other part wants to rush home. When I suggested I stay home and sleep on the couch, she says it is ok, but she looks uncomfortable with the idea.

Thanks for letting me vent.

If you want the Marriage you need to get home and fight for it.

You never win anything by running away.

See the C if you want and see if you can get her to go as well.

There are others on here with much more to say that will be helpful.

Stay here they can help you.

If you want to work on it...get your B U T T home.

Welcome to MB

Mr. Wondering

How do I do this, should I ask to come home? I do not want to be demanding and scare her away.

No you just move back in. It's your home. Why would you ask? You are enabling her affair by being out of your home.

Sleep in your own bed too.

Absolutely!!!!!! Hurry Up!!!!!!

Move back in and do Plan A....don't you move out..if she wants out, then let her move out...you stay right there!

I can be home within a few hours no problem. Should I let her know I coming home, or just show up. I know I am being wishy washy here, but I keep hearing about a million different things from people on what I should do.

Is the OM married or have a serious girlfriend? EXPOSE the affair!

-ol' 2long

No, he is single. And actually, he ended it last night after she told him that she asked me for a divorce.

Also,
The advice she is getting from her mother and best friend are "you have to do what makes you happy, even if it means leaving your husband".

Did he know she was married when he agreed 2 have the A?

I bet he did, so don't expect this 2 be over just because he's uncomfortable with the A being outed.

They could just hide it better.

Can you move away? (with your wife, that is, not just you).

-ol' 2long

Well, they suck then.

When you go home, No LoveBusting!

Just show up with your stuff and tell her you still love her and want to work on fixing what has gone wrong in the marriage. Get out your photo albums of happy times together, and remind her what you have worth fighting for.

Just move back in. No need to call her. When you go through the door, cheerfully say "Honey I'm Home" and give her a kiss.

I Like It!

I was offered a promotion at work which would require a move, offer more time at home and better pay.
She just doesn't seem to want to reconcile at all. She says she has no feelings for me, etc...

Stop stalling! Get home Now!!!!

Then as everyone is telling you expose the A as it likely to continue, kill it. Plan A your butt off.

Wish me luck guys...thanks all.

Perfect!


Same old song and dance. Every wayward spouse says such things. It's right off the script.

You can recover!

They ALL say those exact words. EVERY ONE of them.

Take the promotion and plan the move.

In the end, you can't make her do anything she doesn't want 2 do. And when you're with her, avoid "lovebusts" and any statements that might sound accusatory. Telling her how her actions make YOU FEEL is perfectly legit, because they are your feelings.

Does her mom and best friend know about the affair? If they do, and are still advising she find happiness at any cost, then they're pond scum. If they don't, TELL THEM. Don't expect allies, necessarily, but expose to anyone who might be able 2 put pressure on the affair.

Your W will be pissed off, but that almost universally indicates that you're doing the right thing - which in this case is taking a firm stand for your marriage.

-ol' 2long