Oh yea,
as far as emailing each other goes, she hasn't been doing that. I have checked into that. Even if she deletes the Temp Internet Folder and all the other things you can delete, I have the stuff to see what was there and where she has been.
I do have his phone number, tho.

Have you talked to a Lawyer for legal leverage against OM.
One that was mentioned in another thread was "Cease and Decist Crimminal Conversation" order. What ever that is. If you can get physical proof of their being together at a hotel his apartment etc. you would possibly have grounds for and "Alienation of Affection" Suit.

I think anything that would put pressure on him is good.

Spell it out when you talk to him that you will not tollerate his interference in your M.

Since you have is name and phone number now have you found out his parents?

Find out and expose to them. They may very well be a great ally in this. Not wanting their son to be a homewrecker.

Do some research on him now for any incriminating info. It would be worth paying for a background check on line. It may be interesting.

When I came home last night, she was upstairs. Both cars were parked, but noone was in our apartment when we got there. I doubt that constitutes proof of that.

As for a motel, I drove around tonight to some of the more common ones in the area for this kind of stuff. I didn't see either cars at these places.

Since I don't think the FIL called her, should I tell her that I told him or wait until he actually calls her. Also, what is your opinion of me contacting my MIL?

No. The proof needed would be something like time/date stamped video or picures of them seen entering and leavng, Both cars together at a motel, something along those lines. Just need to get creative and find where they are.

I would wait and let FIL contact her first. Let the hammer fall with full force.

I'm really not sure about MIL because of her sitch. She may actually somehow sabotage your efforts is what I'm thinking now. I would like to tell her that she needs to support your efforts to save your M but I tend to think that is unlikely to happen.

or possibly

You might think about telling her and say that your are asking for her suppport. That you love your Wife and desperately want to save your M.
Tell her how supportive she has been throughout your Marriage so far, and you know that you can count on her for support now.

Somehow get her on the side of saving your M. You will know better than I if this approach may work or not.

I'm Just not able to read that sitch really well.

It is worth a shot regarding my MIL.
I have no clue where they are, tho.

Tonight is really tough right now. I am at my wits end and can feel the pressure building up inside me. I have been working so hard the past week to keep calm and composed, but I feel like I am going to lose it tonight.

Do you have something you like to do? I know it's late. Is there a Gym available. find something to take your mind off of it for a while.


You also might want to get a PI to follow them.

Something that was said ealier about if she is flaunting her affair ask her to leave.

I think that at least in my case that was not an option for me. It could have been but I chose not too. My WW talked on our home phone to OM. When she went out with him she eventually came home and slept in our Marital bed with me. I think she did that for security for some reason. We never had any physical contact during her A. She was being faithful to OM and was off limits to me. UGH!!!! But she still came home. And I won in the end.

That's a thought if you can convince her that home is a safe place to be at night every night.

Well, she is home now, he is not. She might have been telling me the truth when she said she was not going to see him tonight. She said she was with a friend from work.
Here is the thing that almost convinces me. In the past few days, she has lied to me where she went and it is very easy to catch. She cannot stay consistant, she stammers when she tells a lie and always has a deer in the headlights look. There was none of that tonight. Tonight, she was consistant, even when asked questions and she talked about the little details of what they did and no inconsistancies where there.
Also, she told me she went to the local coffee place. The car is still frosted over, so I know her drive back home was very short.

I am glad she is home with you now. Is she going to stay?

I hope it was the truth! But,

Just remember trust nothing the the WW says to be the truth. They have a way of being able to lie and stay straight faced and you think alright she told me the truth. Nope, No Way.

Listen, do not LB or DJ, always agree with everything they say. Then verify!!!!!

As for the car she could have just met him there and gone somewhere else with him. Then he drops he off at the coffee shop after. Verify is the only way to know for sure.

Don't get a false sense of I can believe her now.


Talk to you later!

I understand what you are saying. But he is still not home, which is a good sign he went out of town. Before they started their thing, he would go for a day or so when he wasn;'t working.

Also, like I said...she is real easy to catch in a lie. Durnig our 7 years together, she would tell little white lies every now and then for stupid little reason (scared I would get mad, etc..). It was easy to catch then and it is now.

But, I still cannot trust her right now. That much is very true.

Also, despite me getting to my boiling point tonight, when she came home it was still there. I counted to ten before I came out of my office to say hello. I kept my cool. Didn;t LB or accuse. I just asked her how her evening went.

As of right now, it looks like she is staying. She is eating some food and channel surfing. She appears to not be in a hurry.

Good, Good, Good!

Act like everything is great. Small talk.

When time to go to bed see if she'll join you.

At least let her know she is welcome.



Talk to you tomorrow. Hoping for more good news.

She is not going to join me in bed tonight, but when we got the couch ready for her, she said she is feeling really tense and really sore. In the begining of our relationship, this was my cue to give her a back rub. This is something I have been neglecting for the past couple of years.

Anyway, I asked if she would like a back rub, and she said "no, thank you" in a very quiet voice. But, she just sat there and I offered again. She accepted.

I rubbed her back, shoulders, neck, face, arms, hands and fingers for 20 minutes. She got goosebumps while I was doing this. I talked in soothing tones and I could feel the tension in her back and shoulders start to melt away.

I layed her down, pulled the covers over her, tucked her in, gave her one of her favorite stuffed animals and said goodnight. She said goodnight back to me, which is the first time since December 30th.

Sorry, I missed this one when it was posted.

I did an intelius search and found him. Bought the info and am still going through it. He has a couple of civl complaints against from the early 90's and it appears he was arrested in the state of Alabama for something. In order find out what, it is going to cost me another 50 bucks. Haven't decided if I am going to spend the money or not. Probably will.

Added after I posted - Oh yea, he also has an alias.

Really? How long was her A going on before you found out?

Never trust an active WS. If they want to keep something from you, they know you well enough to know how to do so.

Believe it... it used to be my job to know when people were lying... and I was fooled big time for years. Do not assume anything about your WW except that when she is talking, she is lying.

DF,

Here's my take on last night...OM canceled on her last min. Which would explain why she got angry and changed her clothes.

I think if you put a little pressure on OM he will end the A. He sounds like he's a wuss.

Exposure is your best friend right now.

You are doing a great job at controlling yourself.

Good job moving back home!

You're gonna make it!

~ Marsh

By all accounts from the digging I have been doing, about two weeks.

Spend the $50 for more info on this POS. That way when and if you tell MIL you can say it in a way such as:

"your DD is having an A with a guy that......"

Even if her mother thinks it fine to have an A, she probably wouldn't want her DD to take up with a POS.

I'm going to have to get the records from the courthouse on my own, it will be cheaper and take the same amount of time.
I am also going to hire a PI to get some pictures of them together.