Got home from work and she was sitting on the couch looking very down. I had just come home from the store with some fresh fruit and veggies. I tried talking to her a little bit. I offered her some, but she refused. I told her about the dinner invite and she said she doesn't care. I said I understand and she said "no you don't". I said you feel like your heart has been broken, you feel angry and depressed and that I am sorry you are feeling like that.
She said she is angry because I am there.
I got up, offered her some water and she said "just don't talk to me anymore".
She left just a few moments after that. I am assuming this is pretty normal?
I also know each person is different, but will it be like this every day for the next few weeks?
I am feeling high anxiety right now.

Oh, and I guess she is trying to snoop on me. She looked at my work email account for something like 17 minutes. Don't know what she was looking for.

It won't be the same each day. Some days will be better for her and some worse. It's a rollercoaster for both of you. Just let her be for now. Dr. Harley says that it would be best if the SW and WW were not even together for about 3 weeks or so. Most cases that can't happen so just give her room. Go out to your friends and try to have fun. Maybe bring back a sunday for her on your way home.

you telling her that you understand that her heart has been broken is very wrong to me. you are giving validity to a relationship that has none. you are giving voice to feelings that are nothing but an abomination. I really hope you rethink this strategy. You tell her that this is your home and that you want to be there as H & W.... if that makes he angry... so be it. You do not need to be a doormat here. PLEASE DO NOT EXPRESS THAT YOU ARE SORRY FOR HER FEELING HURT ABOUT THE OM!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will give her her space and will just keep out of the way.

ANd, she was snooping around some of my Word documents. Stupid me forget to get rid of the copy of my receipt for SAA.

Point taken. It will not happen again.

As for tonight, my dinner plans have been cancelled. Guess I will go to the movies or something.

PLEASE DO NOT EXPRESS THAT YOU ARE SORRY FOR HER FEELING HURT ABOUT THE OM!!!!!!!!!!!!

MEDC,

I was saying what worked for me. OK, he said it and can't take it back so lets not say it agian.

DF - do you have the DOs and DONTs list?

I do not, where can I get a copy?

She is getting ready to head out, putting on make-up and crap. I am certain it is not with him as she is still depressed and angry at me.

I am more worried that she might do a ONS type of thing to "get back at me".

DOs

1. Act Happy
2. Get a life (new activities, etc.)
3. repeat over and over..."I will make it"
4. Actively LISTEN....keep conversations at "to the point...small talk" ...don't blow it up beyond the waywards current comfort zone
5. Tend to Agree (Thank you for your truthfulness, It seems that way, you have a point)
6. Expand your social relationships (Being especially aware of your own vulnerability and keeping sharing and time with opposite sex relationships to an absolute minimum)
7. Get sexy (gym, new clothes, etc)
8. Focus on your strengths and Positives...don't put yourself down verbally or constantly go over what you did wrong
9. Accept Uncertainty (Do your best today and let God take care of tommorrow)

DON'Ts

1. Repeatedly say "I love you"
2. Ask questions that don't have answers yet
3. Criticize, complain, whine or nag
4. Say, "I've changed"....allow the wayward spouse to simply judge your actions
5. Argue, Reason or Plead
6. Don't get family or friends overly involved in recovery (notice I said "in recovery", EXPOSURE to bust up an active affair IS ESSENTIAL and EXPOSURE to the OP's spouse is an absolute MUST)
7. Act helpless or depressed
8. Discuss morality, invoke God or Dr. Laura type babble
9. Suggest marital counseling (must be the waywards idea)
10. Tell them continually "we need to work on the relationship"
11. GIVE UP

Thank you! I didn't have the list, but I have been following pretty good. A few slip ups here and there, but generally I have been doing good with it.

She came out of the bedroom wearing her sweats and the slippers I bought her X-mas (which strikes me as weird, because she has about a million pairs of those suckers laying around the bedroom).

She seemed subdued and stood and watched a little bit of "Scrubs" with me (I sat on the couch). I made it a point to laugh a little when you are supposed to.
She interacted with the cats. We even made a little small talk and I helped her look for her phone charger (She thanked me for that). She is laying down right now as she hasn't slept in something close to 40 hours.

This is a list that was given to me. Still have it in my wallet. Good place for it.

Take it day to day.

The saying around here goes "fake it till you make it."

Good qoute!

Just overheard an interesting conversation my WS was having with a friend over the phone. Yes, I snooped.

She said that she was hurting and that the OM called it off because he needed some time and space apart and that he doesn't want any contact from her for some time.

What the heck does that mean? This guy is kind of a partier (he was arrested for drug use when I called the cops on a loud party they were having), he is 37 and has never been married. To me, it is obvious that he was never going to commit to a serious relationship because of the type of person he is. I don't know...just rambling.

Time for my two mile walk.

wait... you know why he was arrested? Where was this information earlier in the thread when we were discussing his record? I don't know... maybe I am confusing this thread with another... so, he was locked up for drug use and yet your WW still wants to be with him???
There is something here that you do not know about. There is no way this has only been a two week thing... no way.

you know... I went back in this thread and NEVER did you mention about him being locked up at your complex... you found that he had a record but didn't know about what...

tell me... how did your exposure to the complex go?

How did her talk with her father go? Did you follow up with him?

How did your talk with om go? Was there conflict... was he angry... apologetic... indifferent? All you said was it was ok. You spent more time discussing cigarettes than a confrontation with a man that is instrumental in destroying your family. Surely there was more to it than it was ok. Did you ask him why this started in the first place? Did you ask him to never be in contact with your wife again? Did you ask him if he has been having sex with her?

Did you inform the complex of his drug use arrest while on their premises? If not, why not?

I have to tell you... your story is beginning to sound like a story... either that or you are just really bad at relaying facts.

hey, let me ask you DF.. how old are you? What type of flying do you do? Are you away from home much with flying? That could be a problem.

She hasn't slept in 40 hours??? I hope she is not on crystal meth.

Hey Df,

Sounds like you had an interesting day.

Has FIL talked to your WW yet?

Oh yea! remember you are to blame for everything that is wrong in her life right now. Evrything that she says right now is total Fog Babble. As long as there is NC it will begin to get better in time. Just hang in there!!!

Sounds to me like he is waiting until you away working so he can startup again. Just doesn't want the confrontation with you over it. Keep on the lookout for contact.

She on the other hand does not want it over at all.

This thing is not over by any means and it was far more involved than either of them was saying. IMO

Oh yeah. The more unlike you he is the more she is attracted to him.

I am usually pretty good with the details, but my mind has been a freakin' mess the past week. Today is one of the first days where I am thinking clearly.

My talk with ON occured on the stairs. I saw him pull up in his car and waited for him to come up. It was real quick, maybe two minutes top. I told him that I love my wife and I am going to try fix us, and that I will not tolerate any interference from him and to not contact my WIFE ever again. He said "ok" and that was about it.

As for his arrest, I hadn't even thought about it in awhile.
The one arrest I mentioned in the thread was on his Intelius report I obtained. It showed a criminal complaint against him in 1993 in the state of Alabama. His latest arrest wasn't on there, so it doesn't look like any charges were filed. Here is what happened.

Thi happened about a year ago. It was a Saturday night. My wife and I left to go to a get together with some friends. It was about 8pm. The party was already started. There were four or five women and two males. We got home around midnight and it was still going on, Music playin, loud talking, etc...I got fed up, called the cops because I would like to go to sleep and they showed up. As soon as they knocked on the door, everything went quiet upstairs.
The police knocked and knocked. From our bedroom, my W and I heard a bunch of footsteps and the toilet flushing. Finally, they opened the door and whoever answered it (I think it was him) just wasn't giving the right answer. I heard the Police mention drugs and before you know it, everyone was led to wating police cars and taken to the station. My wife and I saw him in handcuffs and put into the bck of the car.

I have not followed up on my FIL. It doesn't sound like he has called yet.
I talked with the landlord and got the answer I expected. They could care less. I didn't bring up the arrest because I didn't think about it.

The phone records indicate that they didn't talk or text message each other until after Christmas. They only go the 25th, but the new statement should be out in another week, then I can check the exact date as to when they started talking on the phone. I know they have been doing the small talk thing for the past month. She works at a coffee shop and he would go in and get his coffee in the morning on his way to work. I am thinking of talking with her manager and seeing if my W can be switched to any shift that starts after 6am (He would come in about 4:30 to 5am every weekday morning).

The type of work I do allows me to be home most of the time. I hold a management position in the company and I only fly when they absolutely need me. The company I work for is HQ'd about two hours away, so I am able to work from home and usually go for an overnight at the office a couple of times per month. But, I also picked up some weekend work at a local flight school to earn some extra money. It seemed that I was working 7 days a week, months on end. When ever I had a day off, she didn't and vice versa.