What do you think of getting my wife in to see the therapist with me? The therapist thinks there a lot of other issues at work besides emotional needs. Like my wife was very young when we got together, young when we married, the divorce of her parents at a young age, etc...

Some of the choices my WW has made peaked the interest of my therapist. Like the fact that my WS went through culinary school, but than chose to work at a coffee shop and how my WW handled the division of housework and some other things.

She said use the tactic to get her in, and then we go from there.

It's worth a shot, but rarely is MC any useful when one spouse is in an A. My WW went to say she "tried" even though she never gave up the OM on the side. I'm just saying don't get your hopes up.

What do you think of my idea of cutting her off? Don't enable her any more. WSs often feel entitled to do what they are doing and don't realize the consequences of what they are doing. You need to expose her to those consequences and let her know that getting her "freedom" back won't be as fun as it's cracked up to be.

We talked about that today (The therapist and I). It wouldn't be MC per se, just an excuse to get her into some sort of therapy to deal with issues of her past that she hasn't dealt with.

Cutting her off financially is something I am considering. I already have an account set up, I just have to transfer money over. I have already transfered our savings into another account.

If you don't want a D, don't let her take the money for a lawyer.

I also feel very angry right now. My frame of thought is to just pull stakes and let her sink or swim. I talked with work today and they are already looking at securing me a place to stay and will pay for the move.

They say that MC is of little use until you are in recovery. Maybe IC can be of help but not unless she is really willing to work on the real problems.

The real problem I see is if she has her mothers financial support as well as her friends encouragement to leave you. Then she probably will.

But and this is KEY. She cannot be allowed to have financial support for a D either from you or her Mother. If she can't have the financial support from her mother then she will have to figure out how to manage on her own or go with you. Then you have a chance to make this work.

Somehow her mother needs to convinced to ler you work this out without her helping your WW financially. More to think on!!!!!

Cutting my WW off pissed her off even more. One thing she did was ask for me to pay for her attorney's costs. She even mentioned in her affidavit that I moved money into another account and took her ATM card.

I say this not to stop you from cutting her off, but to say that if she is in the mindset of getting out this may not stop her.

Right now, I am in the mindset to give up. Everyone I talk to with the exception of the people here say "just go, she has issues deeper than the marriage". This is coming from her side of the family, including my FIL. They shake their head at it, but they have also known her longer than I have. They believe she is acting immature and definitely not thinking straight. They say a dose of what it is like in the real world might wake her up. She basically went from high school to me, so she has never been on her own.
She has been treating this like it has been some high school romance.

The therapist I am seeing remains undecided if we can be saved because she hasn't spoken with her yet. She agrees on the level of maturity my wife is displaying, but would like to hear her side.

I've pretty much given up.

Took a walk and came up with a plan of action.

She is out again. Probably going to be out long after I go to bed. Am I enabling? Yup. But, I am between a rock and a hard place. Her name is on the lease and mine isn't, so I can't give her the boot. I told her if she sees the OM again, she needs to leave and she said "This is my house too and my name is on the lease". Shot that one down.

I am getting no support from her family on saving the marriage.

I didn't see the landlord today, but am going to in the morning about the people upstairs. Just to have a chance at maybe getting them evicted would give me a nice feeling.

After that, I seperate our finances and cell phone. Then, I hit the road. Probably Wednesday afternoon. My work will put me up in a hotel until a place gets lined up. Once I get a place lined up, go back and get my stuff.

I don't see any other way. Even if I can get upstairs evicted, it will still be over a month before they are gone. I can't take this anymore, I'm not strong enough. The dis-respect my wife is showing me is too hard to take. I can't force her out and she knows it. Staying out late while I worry about it, and then coming home and talking to me with venom in her voice. It is too much. It hurts and makes me angry.

I'm not going to yell during this. I'm not going to blow up over it. That is what she wants and I will not give her that satisfaction.

Maybe after time apart and she realizes that life is hard when you don't make much and are lonely at the same time, she might start taking steps towards reconcilitation. Who knows, I doubt it. I doubt I will even be open to it if it comes.

Everyone that I have talked to has said that after a few months on her own, she will realize this and come back. I doubt that too.
Whatever. I'm done playing doormat.

you think that's a plan of ACTION?????

Ok Dogfood don't forget to collect your ***** on the way out the door.

I also recommend that if you guys wear the same size leave him a few shirts
Maybe your bathrobe
Have any extra razor blades...he might need a shave
Nose hair trimmer, oh sure, LEAVE THAT!!!

You know, Now the OM can **** your wife in peace, in YOUR bed

YOU CAN TAKE THIS

YOU HAVE BEEN AT THIS FOR A MILLISECOND

Given my position ,what would you do?

I would do a good Plan A and I would not move out lease or not. Have you even read any of the links in my signature? I am sure I referred you to them before. Read about Plan A. Click on the link.

You can do this.

You are way too early to be giving up the fight.

I am trying Plan A. It is hard because I am getting no support from the closest members of her family.
It is hard because I have ID'd her top EN's. The top two are affection and communication. It is kinf of hard to show affection when she wants nothing to do with you and the same goes to communication when she won't speak to you, excpet in short, clipped words.

It is hard to set boundries, like staying out late (like she is tonight). She hasn't seen the OM for the past week. That much I have been watching. They contacted each other on Saturday and I talked to him again on Sunday and he agreed to stop. So far her mood this morning indicates that took place.

I haven't been LBing. I make it a point to remain calm and not put pressure on her to talk about what is going on.

I did start excercising, which is good.

Oh, and she has seen an attorney. I found the card in her pants. This scares me. When she brought up divorce a week ago (and before I found out about the EA), we were talking uncontested. Now this. I am sure her mother will give her the money.

could you email me please....

email sent

Does she have money for a retainer?

DF, don't move out....don't wave that white flag just yet...you will regret it if you do

DF,

This is going to suck for a while. If you can ensure two months of NC with OM you will start to see a turnaround. She may not commit to the M yet, but she won't go forward with a D. You just need to wait this out. You can do this. In the meantime, do not enable her. Talk to her family and explain to them that you EXPECT them not to enable her as well. Don't get angry with them, but let them know that any support they give your WW would be to enable their daughter to commit adultery and further her self destructive behavior. They shouldn't do that if they care about their daughter. Does your WW's family go to church? Maybe you could speak to their pastor if they enable your WW.

Not very religious. I have explained to them what it is going on and what needs to be done. The uncle has a son that is a drug addict, I figure he would understand the analogy. The grandmother has been in my shoes, but she won't do anything and the FIL has yet to call. He sent me an email saying to just get out, that it will not be worth it.

We will see how she is acting today. She logged on to my email account, so I am sure she saw the email to her father I sent as a followup. Well, that means she now knows that I have spoken with people on her side of the family and the OM.


She is starting to seperate things. She was looking at new cell phone plans, etc...last night.

This will be a fun morning.