MEDC is very well respected around here and very good with helping. He will be missed.

I also think this is your best move. Steve knows much more than we do and he can help you set up a plan of action.

We are not going away now that you have an apt. We will still be here to bounce things off of.

Let us know when you get an apt with Steve.

Try to play it cool this weekend and don't try to guess what every little move your wife makes means. You will drive yourself crazy.

This is precisely why I bowed out. MB was created exactly because Willard Harley discovered that most couples subjected 2 infidelity would choose 2 recover rather than split up.

I've fought very hard 2 recover my M, resisting plan B recommendations the whole way, but I've been M'd 31 years now, not 4.

And yet, I think he should bail. And since that's not only not mainline MB, but might sound contradictory coming from me... ...well,

I'm back out.

-ol' 2long

I'm already back.

Food! You already know she's having an A. Don't make yourself crazier than you already are with suspicion and assumptions.

Get 2 a position where you'll be fine regardless of what she's doing and with whom.

-ol' 2long

Where is this new apartment that your WW is looking at? Is it far from the OM? Can she afford it right now by herself? You might want to cut her off financially including not paying the rent or any bills in her name. Cancel everything of her that you pay for. She is the one on the hook for the lease, so it is her credit and her ability to find someplace to stay that will be impacted. You would then smoothly transition to a new place and she couldn't stay next door to OM because she got evicted. Just a thought.

I've been thinking about that a lot. The place she is trying to rent is about 1.5 miles down the road from here.
No, she cannot afford it by herself, thus the two roommates she has lined up (both female). Even with two other roommates, she still will not make enough to cover everything by about $650 per month.

Right now, I am preparing for something bad coming my way.
I went out for a bit to get some tax stuff taken care of and when I came back, she was heading out. About ten minutes later, the OM was heading to his car and saw me looking at him from the balconey. He had a grim look on his face, saw me and nodded. I think this may be the "can't see you anymore" talk.

Guess I will know when I see her again.

What makes you think that's it?

-ol' 2long

The look on his face before he saw me and my WW behavior before she left. She had a look of someone who just got the "We have to talk" call. Kind of anxious and sad at the same time.

Like I said, I will know when she gets home.

Harley advises against letting the affairees "pinch it off" in this manner.

But they'll do what they'll do.

I hope that this is truly "it". But considering her behavior, it's not likely.

-ol' 2long

The OM and I had a chat this morning when he left for work and he also found a letter as a follow up on his car. I would have liked him to just stop, but if this is the only way, then I will take it.

I'm not holding out too much hope. We will see.

Df,

Something that's been bothering me about your sitch is You haven't really had a chance to do a strong plan A if she moves out by mid Feb. It's just a thought but could you find a place nearby where you continue to work the Plan. Drop in at the coffee shop etc. Just continue to be around and noticed by her for a while longer. Maybe even be someone she can talk to begin to confide in again. There's plenty of time for Plan B later. Others have done and continue to do Plan A with the WS out on their own and even with OP.

I know she still feels you are the reason for all her problems at the moment. But if what you said about OM cutting it off is true then things may start to change really quickly. You never know.

Your stated position is to try to save your M and I'm not so sure about going to Plan B so soon with your Plan A so short.

Maybe this doesn't make sense to anyone else.

But if you move 160 miles away I think it would be very difficult to have any influence on her at all in the future. And I would just about guarantee if you leave OM will be right back with her that day.

That bothers me too. I have a friend who lives in a 4 bedroom house that said I could stay there if the need arises.
I can put off moving to the city where my work is located for several months, if need be. Just commute a few days a week by hitching a ride with one of our flights every morning and back home in the evening.

The financial reality of moving is starting to dawn on her, though. It might keep her around a little longer giving me more time.

Wow!

IMO I would take the friend up his offer and keep working the Plan as long as you stand it.

Then again if she can't handle it financially and stays in the apt. with you even better. The reason she stays is not the point right now. You have a better chance to have some influence with her in your own home.

My FWW came home to my bed every night of her A for over a year. There was a "no mans zone" in our bed but she was still there on the other side. In the end the OM was shown for the "sleaze bag" he really was and she dropped him like a hot potatoe.

You just never know how your staying might end up being the thing that breaks her down and wakes her up.

I can only wish she would sleep in the same bed. Right now it all she can do sit on the other end of the couch with me.

I am keeping my options open. Hoping to hear back for a date with SH. Guess that will wait for Monday.

Ok, I guess I am going to give up. They were gone a long time. I just happen to go to the book store when he was dropping her off at her car.
I still do not want to get angry with her, well, at least show it because that will give her some satisfaction.

How do I confront her with this? What do I say?

Well,
I didn't accuse her of anyhing, just stated that I saw him dropping her off. She immediatly got on the defensive and said she didn't appreciate the follow-up letter I wrote and accused me of spying.
I told her I can't tell her what to do, but that it hurts. And she asks "Why, we are just friends". Ugh.
I pointed out she has told me she has romantic feelings for him and then she went on and on on how everything she says to me goes in one ear and out the other and I haven't heard anything she has said since then.

I'd like to point out that every online password she uses has been changed to his last name, but that would play one of my cards.

After a short break, she laid into me some more. She even brought out the letter I wrote to the OM. She said that any chance of reconciliation is over and that she wants a divorce. She said I ruined my chance by breaking the deal I had with the OM about telling her that I had contact with him. I said, "you asked me if I spoke with him and you deserve the truth...so I told you the truth".

Of course, she knows about "the fog" and how the WS thinks during this time (because I explained it to the OM) and now she is implying I think she is an idiot. Great. I said, "No, I don't think that, I think you are very smart."

Then she goes on about how she resents me and she knows I just want to yell at her because she is yelling at me, etc...

She told me to get it through my head that the marriage is over and that she has given me millions of chances to be a good husband and I never did anything.

I was a good Jedi, tho. I didn't even have angry thoughts. I just played it cool.

More on the financial side of her moving out. She asked if I was going to take over the lease and I said "no" (again) and she nodded her head. Now she is starting to think about the lease and how she is going to get out from under it.
Should be an interesting weekend.

But, it is all for naught cuz the guy is keeping contact with her. I'm trying to figure out my next move with him.

Next move with OM????

STOP telling him all these things like Fog and such. HE is not your friend in this sitch. See how he used it against you?


All you tell him is - LEAVE MY WIFE ALONE or he may not like what will come of it. Make sure he understands the not like part.


Tell your ww that there is no place in a M for 3 people.

Df,

Come on man. The info you get here is not for them!!!!!

It so you understand the Foggy thinking of the WW and start to act accordingly.

Everything she said is texbook WW Babble. But dont' tell that Jerk that so he can make you look like you just playing a game with her.

This is no game! This is WAR. And right now they are ganging up on you.

He is not honoring you with his word of NC so why are you being nice about it. If you are going to talk to him at all it needs to be from strength.

"Stop seeing my W or you will regret it" and mean it.

He thinks you are a Wus and because nothing you have said to him has stopped anything.

You are an honorable man. You believe that treating people with dignity and honorably they will do the right thing.

You are not dealing with an honorable man. Else why would he be after your' W.

He will probably not do the right thing what ever you say.