Well, I have picked up on the Fog-Speak. I know 3-4 weeks ago I was married to a wonderful person. I don't know who the heck she is right now, but it sure ain't my wife. That is one of the reasons I am able to remain composed when she lays into me about various things.

Is there a guide to Reverse Babble out there I can reference?

I bumped a thread with a link to the reverse babble thread

Tell her PROUDLY: "YES!" Take credit for all of your efforts, DF. You have nothing to be ashamed of; SHE DOES.

Why do you not want his parents # on your statement?

Great!

Some heavy hitters are passing on the good stuff.
Now you are on the right track.

Thanks, for jumping in sd, and Mel.

Dog...Since I have a moment, let me give my opinion on your sitch.

You are getting mixed advice here...cut and run...get on with your life, or stay and fight for your marriage. As a result, you are waffling in your own direction. Most of your posts seem to indicate you love this woman and really would like to fight for your marriage, but at other times your attitude and actions show that cutting and running isn't so far out of the question.

Now only you know how you feel. You are young and so is you marriage. I don't believe you have kids. This would be a golden opportunity to "just say no" to living a life with a W who may be unable to commit to a marriage for any of a number of reasons. No one here, well, few here would fault you for that. Even Dr. Harley states that when infidelty strikes in a new marriage, where no children are involved, cutting may be a good option.

But you keep posting and seeking advice in how to combat this infidelity. So a big part of you says "I love her and she's worth fighting for". And that's fine, too.

However, you haven't fully committed to either option, and I'm fairly certain you may be sending your WW mixed signals. She may think you are going to pull the plug one day, and the next day she may sense your desire to try to fix the marriage.

My humble advice is to do some serious soul searching and decide what it is you want, or need, to do. Accepting the role of a BS who is committed to saving a marriage after infidelity stikes is a horribly difficult task. It takes ALL the energy and resolve you can muster, and sometimes more than you even knew you had. Plan A, taking the steps to fully expose, reading and learning the MB principals and changing all those things about you that have not been conducive to a healthy marriage is as hard a project as you've ever had.

The question is, are you at a point in your life where this battle is something you are willing to fight? Does she mean enough for you to get dirty, down in the trenches, hand to hand and mind to mind combat, that regardless of the outcome will put you through more emotional turmoil than you've ever endured?

The MB program cannot be half-a$$ed. You must commit and execute with military precision. You must believe your efforts will make a difference, even though it could be months before you realize positive results. You must strike with precision and forethought, and not be drawn into blind reactions. It is a science, of sorts, and there is NO guarantee you will be successful.

If you have the kind of love for your wife that you are willing to go through all of this, complete, unabashed, unconditional love, you will learn and grow wise well beyond your years. You will learn what it takes to have and maintain a healthy relationship. You will have the muster to attain nearly any goal.

But the question remains... what do you want? What is best for you? Only you can decide.

Best wishes,
SD

I understand what you are saying, SD. I do want to fight for my wife, but sometimes I waffle because I am unsure of the next step and am still all very confused by this.

I just got off the phone with the OM's father. He was not a happy camper. He is going to tell his wife of the situation and is going to call his son to tell him he does not approve of his conduct. I warned him about the "we are just friends" speech and told him about this morning.
Actually, I told him pretty much everything. He said he will do all he can to help end it.

Yep,

SD is totaly right.

It will test your resolve to and past the point that you ever thought you could go.

Only you can determine whether She is worth the fight or not.

No one here said it would be easy. I don't think you believe that either.

What you have said here in the past has lead me to believe that are up to that fight and that you believe that she your W, not the WW, is worth fighting for.

Now the real decision rests with you. Think long and hard, Then come out fighting if that is your choice.

OK!!!!!!!

That's what I thought I'd hear.

And Finally you have an Ally out there.

Does he OMF realize that he will need to be really strong with OM? He will need to drive home the point that OM is being a homewrecker and it will not be tollerated by him? He may have to use some very strong measures such as cutting off finaces if he is supporting OM in any way.

Of course what he does is up to him. Just keep reminding him to keep the pressure on.

Ok, I have sent an email to my MIL, and a followup to my FIL and have contacted the OM's father. Is there more I can do on exposure front? I have tried contacting her close friends, but they are not returning any of my calls.

Since I have moved back home, I have not LB'd and have been trying to fulfill some of her EN's.I haven't raised my voice once, and have remained calm and collect. I have NOT accused her of anything or said any snide remarks.

I do tell her I love her and am fighting for our marriage. I have said that a marriage is 2 people, not 3. I get the typical responses to this.

Next step is to talk with the complex manager again to put pressure on getting them out. I will have to wait until Monday to do that.

I am making huge leaps in working on myself to become more attentive towards her. Right now, of course, she doesn't seem to notice anything....but hopefully it will be stored somewhere in the back of her mind.
What's next? What things have I done that I shouldn't be doing that I should fix so I do not send the wrong message to her?

I told the OMF what needs to be done by him to help end this. He agreed to try his best. He doesn't support him financially, but I did find out that my WW is in for a rude awaking if she does end up with him. The father stated "That my son is not the marrying type. Your wife, if she does leave you, is in for a shock."

I will follow up on this.

Call Steve Harley ASAP and get a real plan of attack. It will be worth the expense. Make notes on your history, the story of the sitch up to now and what it is you want to do now. He may tell as others have about walking away but if you really want to make a shot at the M he will be able to give you a good plan of attack. Make a list of questions you want to ask him about how to proceed. Plan A, Plan B, Finances, support issues, continued exposure pressure etc.


For now:
Follow up with the exsposure letters to see what kind of response you are getting. Let them know that you are serious about saving your W from this STD carrying, drugged out gigolo with a criminal record.

FIL and MIL need a followup on what OMF had to say.

Follow up getting physical evidence and pursue the AOA lawsuit.

Yeah! Now this is some real positive stuff. Keep blasting away. You have only just begun to fight!

Dog are you ready for a A$# whopping, get yourself mentally ready for this, she is going to come at you with both barrels a blazin. You need to be ready for whatever she says, she may sit there and describe every sexual encounter they have had, just to piss you off to get you to become the bad guy to give her justification.....
YOU NEED TO BE THE LIGHTHOUSE the solid ground on which she can first hit and scream at but later lean on.

Your doing this for your M for your Wife not the WW.

Practice visuallizing your wife with a fish head, you know those silly gifts walmart had of the talking fish on the plaque, but that head on your WW and when she talks fog you visualize the fish head.... it helped laugh off a lot of crap slung at me

Good Luck

Talking FishHead!!! That's great <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If it works.

What was it that Bob Pure said. Something about "My boat is full of eels". when he had heard too much fog babble.

Whatever works to keep the sanity going and so you don't LB and DJ.

Thanks guys, I am preparing myself for what is about to come.
Had a knock on the door and it was the OM. We talked for a little bit and he agreed (again) to stop contact with her.
He insists that it never got physical, that he was just being an ear. Whatever, but he mentioned that his father called to speak with him. He asked me why I spoke to his father and I said "This is war, dude". He nodded his head and said "Yeah, I can see that". He says he wants nothing more to do with her and that he will no longer return any contact with her. He also said he will be moving soon. He also apologized to me for all the trouble he has caused.
She gets home in three hours, so we will see what her mood is. This should be an interesting night.

Oh, JKG, I did call to make an appointment with SH, I should hopefully hear back from them on Monday with a time and date.

Love dat poppa! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Sounds like he gave him a much needed [censored] whooping! lol Lord help my son if he ever acted so trashy!

GOOD JOB, Dogfood! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am excited and freaking scared at the same time. I know alot of stuff is going to be thrown my way for next few weeks. I am shoring up for it, though. The fish head idea os good, but I also keep telling myself that this is not my wife speaking (yelling) at me.
I did ask him when he was moving, and he said he didn't know just yet. He is going to be looking for places tomorrow.

My next issue is I do have to travel for work from the 29th thru the 31st of this month. I leave Monday morning and return Wednesday afternoon. This is something I cannot get out of. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Way to go DAD!!!!!!

Exactly what he needed.

Oh yeah! And we already know better about the "just friends" thing now Don't we. Just being an ear. Give me a break!