Hmmmmm....looks like the Dawg is hunkering down for the battle! Good! Now, prevent yourself from making mistakes that will cost you time and effort and purchase and read "Surviving an Affair". All the advice you receive here will be based on that book, which are Harley's principals.

Yep, prepare yourself for a firestorm, but remain calm on the outside regardless of what is going on inside of you. Stay on your mantra of "doing whatever is necessary to prove to you I love you and doing what I have to do to fight for OUR marriage.

While you are waiting for her to come home, do a little introspection and list those things about you and your treatment of your wife that may need some improvement. Set your resolve to make those changes. Begin tomorrow. This is a very important part of Plan A.

Hang in there, maybe fasten your seatbelt, cuz it can get bumpy on this journey, but as long as you are moving in the right direction, and with conviction, you'll get all the help you need from these forums.

Best wishes,
SD

Thank you.
I have read "Surviving and Affair" and "His Needs, Her Needs" and have identified the areas in which I need to improve.

Like I said, I have been calm and composed since Jan 4th and plan on keeping it that way. One of her top EN's is conversation and affection. I can do the conversation part and have been doing good at it; listening to her, etc... The affection part may be a little sticky as she is going to pretty much hate me for a while. Any suggestions in that area?

Remember what was said about plan A is like a long first date?

When she is a little more receptive.

Think of all the things that she has always liked, Food, movies, flowers, surprises, a card, love note, What ever! You remember!!!! Just start doing it all over again, little by little.

Hate is a temporary condition. Be kind, courteous, polite, no Love Busters, pleasant and reassuring tone in your voice, allow space when you feel she needs it and stay committed to filling her Love Bank in anyway you can dream up.

Dress up more often, get a new cologne, maybe a haircut too. Look and smell good. Carry a positive mental attitude with you where ever you go. Suggest doing FUN things with her, and if she won't go, go alone. Stay upbeat and full of life. Be who you were when she was first attracted to you.

Some of it requires a little acting, but who knows, you may end up in Hollywood. Another tip, don't say a negative word about the OM. That's her job, and you won't hear that until withdrawal is complete and she's out of the fog. You'll know she's recommitted when she can speak poorly of him. You just don't be the one to do it! She'll defend him in a heartbeat, and it will break another piece of your heart.

Best wishes,
SD

Thanks. I took a walk and pretty much came to the same conclusion.

This morning, I was roused out of bed to cover a last minute freight flight. Ended up waking her up and she asked if I had to go fly. I said "yup".
What I used to do was, when I was on the ramp and had to fly somewhere, I always sent her a litle text message saying where I was going and for her to have a great day. I di that this morning. I got a "Thanks, you too" in response.

In a little while, when she is more receptive, I can start to leave little notes around the house for her. But on these notes, do I tell her I love her and stuff like that?

No "I love you's" specifically...but tell her she's beautiful, sexy, smart and everything but "I love you".

Save that for a moment down the road a piece!

Copy all that.
I have been working out, and it is starting show improvements. I will start to dress nicer and be there when I feel she needs me and I will give her space when she wants it.

Believe it or not, during this whole ordeal, I have not said one negative thing about the OM. The only thing I have told her is that it hurts me when they are together.

I am getting good at some of the acting. Practice makes perfect.

You didn't say that when you first dating did you?

Complements! Pay attention to the little things. Women eat that stuff up. That's what my W's ExOM used to win her over and yours used that too. If it worked for them it will work for you again in time.

She will start to see you care in time. I'd think play it Like "I want you but I don't need you" Don't want to come off as needy or gushy.

Just be you ONLY BETTER than you have ever been.

Well, she is home.
She is sick with a bad cold that started to hit her this morning. So, she looked awful. She also looked angry, but there was no lashing out. I asked how work was and she said "miserable".
When I said goodnight to her, she just nodded her head at me, but looked pretty ticked in her eyes.

This is pretty close to the same reaction she had the first time he broke contact.

Tomorrow morning, I will have a better feel for what is going on. Unfortunetly, I will be gone from about 10:45am until 8pm or so for work. She has the day off tomorrow, but it will probably be a good day for some space for her.

I am expecting either crying or yelling when I get home.

Make her some soup! Love Bank deposits, man! Sympathize and care for her when she's down.

We do have some chicken noodle soup in the cupboard. Good idea. We also have some OJ in the fridge, so I will pour her a glass when she gets up in the morning.

I will also go to the store on my way home and pick up some "sick food". Things like more soup, etc...

One thing that leads me to believe he has broken it off is yesterday she said she was working on Sunday.
And now she tells me she has the day off. Hmmm..sounds like someones plans fell through.

Yep!

Best thing to do is just be there as much as you can and let her get it out.

Of course you know just listen and don't respond negatively. Always supportive and you are sorry for her hurt etc. It will get better in time.

I think you finally hit one out of the park with OMF! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Might be good to find out what MIL and FIL are going to say or do.

Heres a link to a thread on Reverse Babble:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=019927

I'm gone for a day and come back to many good things here Dog.

You have some of the pros now to help and the OMF part is great.

Here is a note to you: You are trying to guess what every "little" thing your wife does means. That sound right? She does this or that "what does it mean?" Let most of her things go. If you don't you will drive yourself nuts.

Sure watch for the big things, but not every move by her.

Still don't trust OM with anything he says.

Oh, maybe your wife is off on Sun b/c she is sick???


Get that apt with SH.

No way would you trust OM yet!

Just keep your eyes open then if he appears again let "Pop" know!!!!

Yeah sick! That's it! As PO'd as she appeared last night! Well Maybe.

Anyway just get ready for Hurricane "Mrs. Dog"

BTW she needs her own nick now don't cha think?

I am sitting here crying and smiling at the same time. I know it is still a very, very long and difficult road ahead, but I finally see a very dim light at the end of the tunnel.

I know not to guess every move, I try not to for the nost part, but sometimes something will catch my attention. According to my therapist, there is a reason for everything, etc...

She never calls in sick. She has shown up before looking and feeling like death warmed over and be sent home before she calls in. So no, I think her plans were cancelled by the OM.

I don't trust him, but I think by me calling his father, it finally sent the message to back the heck off. It sent a clear signal that I am serious and am not going to mess around anymore.

I will keep my eyes out for the signs again. It was easy to tell when they started contact again.

Time for some morning coffee.

You lookin' good this morning????

Start makin' Love Bank Deposits.

Nice breakfast, things like that.


Sympathize with her hurt and just listen........

While the hurricane rages..... It will pass.....

Yup,
Nice shirt and slacks, nice shoes. No breakfast, as she doesn't eat a whole lot when she is sick, but found the OJ is expired. I am going to go to the store before I head to the airport to pick up some fresh OJ and some soup.
Any more comfort type of foods while she is sick? I know, she likes Marie Calanders Mac N' Cheese. I'll get some of that too. What about a card, to let her know I am thinking of her? Is that too soon?

Card is a great Idea IMO.

As long as it's not too mushy.

Maybe bring back something from your trip today.

Don't forget to TM as well. "Thinkin 'bout you" or whatever you think.