I'll let the dust settle a little before I ask. Maybe on the 24th or 25th. My company has an excellent travel agent and knows where to find the awesome deals. I know what the answer is going to be tho.

I am still worried about her mother. I have emailed her a couple of updates and what my intentions are. It sounds to me that my WS has convinced her that I am acting psycho and that she needs to get away from me ASAP.

Any advice on what I can write to her mother to help her see the light? I explained what would happen with my WS after no-contact. But it seems to have gone to the wayside.

Have you had any response from MIL?

Maybe have FIL talk to her?

I have not received any response from the MIL. The FIL hasn't spoken to her in about 13 years.
The FIL is for me just getting out of it.

Maybe I should lay it all out to the MIL so she knows exactly why I am doing things the way I am doing it. Exposure, the withdrawal, etc...

I think they are also worried that my WS cannot meet her financial obligations since I have cut her off. I might offer my MIL that I will ensure that my WS financial obligations (Student loan, rent) will be met if my WS stays in the apartment.

I'm not sure how to go here. Hopefully some more esperienced can jump in with some good advice.

My thought is make sure you told her that You Love your Wife and you are doing everything in your power to save your M. You have the best interests of both you and your wife in mind at all times. You are aware that she is going through turmoil and you are being supporive at all times.

You are asking that she help you in this endeavor because you know that she loves her daughter and wants what is best for her. That you feel what is best for her and you is for you and her work out the problems in the M and continue together in the future. It will a long and difficult process but you are not willing to just throw all that you have away. You are determined to make this work and you are asking for her to support you both in this effort.


Something along these lines maybe..

Anybody else have suggestions?

Absolutely if she truely makes a committment to the M in all ways. Then you are right to do so. IMO Just need to be sure she is working on M and not leading you on. etc.

If she walks Not a Penny.

The problem as I see it, my WS is not going to committ to the M for quite some time. Everything I have read says two to three to four weeks of withdrawal. And then after that, there is more fog as she realizes what she has done and this will last some time.

If her mother financially supports her, my WS will be out by the end of the month, if not sooner.

She can't get an apartment right now, but there are rooms for rent and she is in a state of mind to dump the cats at the animal shelter. If she moves out, do I change my mind and take over the lease to stay in the area and to take care of the cats in the hopes she comes around?

I don't know but I think from what you are saying MIL may be an important key to this sitch at this point. Somehow you need to talk to her and get her to help you save your M and not enable her D to destroy it. You must have some connection with her after being her SIL for a few years. You need to try to make her an ally somehow.

Being totally truthful with her about the M the good and the bad and let her know that you have made a deliberate effort to change the bad and are working to save your M. Also explain to her what has been goin on with WW and OM and that what you have to done to break up that A has been in the best interst of saving your M and the best interests of her D. In other words you are NOT a Psycho but a determined H trying to save his M to the W he loves.


ANYBODY ELSE???????

I feel lost right now. I have a strong feeling there is going to be a bank account transfer from my MIL to my WS in the morning.

BTW are you sure there is NC with OM? I bet they are still communicating TM, email, cell phone. Just a couple of things she said make me think that may still be the case.

You will get no change in her state of mind until NC is total and complete.

CAN YOU TALK TO MIL?????

Yea, I am sure there is no contact. He called her last night to break contact and told her that I contacted his parents, etc...(this is the psycho leverage she is using on me).

When the OM and I talked last night, from what he said and his body language, he just wants to get the heck out of this mess.

No, she is not returning my calls. But, from what my WS is saying, indirectly, my MIL is receiving my emails.

Maybe get up early and give her a call before she goes to work or whatever she does. Use a payphone or a friends phone or hide your number but see if you can call her and tell what you need to.

It may or not be successful I don't know but it is worth the effort to try IMO.

I can try, but I know she will not pick it up.
She does check her email about a million times a day.
I am thinking of writing her and explaining everything I am doing and why. I can refer her to this website and tell her about SH.

I think the big thing is the financial situation. My WS cannot meet her obligations and has alwasy relied on me to meet them (Bills, etc...).

I think this is the sticky point with my MIL, especially since her name is on my WS's student loan.

Also, bear in mind, my MIL left my FIL under the same circumstances.

I think I might try to explain how this is like a drug addiction. My WS's uncle (the one I contacted) and aunt have a son who is a drug addict.

When my WS first told me of the OM, she even commented "Like mother, like daughter".

Also, should I include things like what my WS has been saying as examples? Like the "It's your funeral" comment?

The problem with revealing this websight is that you lose any advantage of the advice given here because she will then be able to read it as well. GET IT.

Others have done this and it has ended up being taken out of context and used against them in court.

I think that the rest would probably good telling that you are getting help and will be talking to a respected Marriage counselor and are getting good solid advice in trying to save your M is all good.

Yes you want to help WW with finances if she stays with you and makes a committment to the M.


Have to get up early. Talk some more later.

That's the issue. If there is no financial support, her mother will give her the money. The rock and hard place.

It's babble I don't think that would help.

maybe Mention that you are reading books on the subject to support the claims addiction etc. So it's not just your' imagination. if that makes sense.

You are giving her financial support, she just has to willing to take it and live up to your conditions.

It's not what you want to build your M on though but if MIL will help her by supporting the M you can then work on it.

Try to get some rest and Calm down. This isn't over yet just hang in there.


Tomorrow some others will give their take on all this.