As my WW's bizarre "God forgives me so I don't have to repent" behavior continues, things are heating up with her mom, 3 sisters and brother. We are all on the same page. It's a little over 3 mos past D-day. The next week will likely see the beginning of turning up the confrontational heat by pastor and counselor. We'll then observe any response (read Recovery Conundrum http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...=1#Post3157939)
before I personally ramp up the exposure. Still trying to protect the kids.

Anyway, here's the question - at what point, and to what degree, should the family of my WW get actively involved? At what point does the usual "none of your business" become, "Excuse us (WW), this matter has now BECOME our business!" Let the pressure begin.

Any thoughts?

A Betrayed Hubby

IMHO

Why not now? I thought that was the point of exposure after all.

If it gets out of hand you can always ask them to back off. Show her you are there to protect her as well.

Any pressure from people the WS loves and respects is in your favor. Make sure they know that any "help" they try to give you includes a pronouncement of love for the WS and information that you are thinking of nothing but your committment to the marriage. It should not be a judgemental, love busting festival at the WS's expense. More like a loving intervention.

Good luck!
SD

JKG:

The main reason for the delay in exposure has been that my WW has been undergoing Counseling (we are both involved) and there is a measure of sincerity on her part to get out of the A. Her "fog" is still pretty thick, however. She is honestly in a "brainwashed" and confused state. Maybe even a borderline nervous breakdown.

Up to now there has been no compelling reason to risk having this A revealed locally (such as in "church discipline"), then have it get back to my 3 kids, 15, 12, 9. If we had no children, I'd move swiftly on the exposure. There seems to be - at the moment - more caution because a 3-4 year A can take a longer duration to come down from. A significant addiction it is. But now, patience is wearing out and confrontation is imminent.

So, I see our family (her side actually) as an ally. I will make sure they communicate love, but firmness without judgment. Of course, "judgement" can be a relative (no pun intended...) term, I think. She CAN be judged to a degree, based on the facts and the evidence of keeping marriage commitments, parent responsibilities, etc.

Just my thoughts.

Betrayed Hubby