This may get to be a long one so I am sorry ahead of time...
Where to start well let's see I am 22 yo and he is 25yo met 5-03 married since 2-19-05. (Ann. very soon) We have a 2 1/2 yo and a 2 month old. There's the basics and now for my dilemma...
We started out perfect and seen life the same wanted 2 kids and a happy life. This is both of our 2nd marriages btw. Well I am bi-sexual and that's not the problem the problem is my dh thinks I have so many problems. I am bi-polar (no meds) I do get edgy (on provera) and I do catch attitudes more than I prob should (working on that) I understand this is just one side of the story but trust me you will see...We have ZERO communication and when I try to get him to talk I have to pull and pry and all I get still is I have nothing to say &/or I am going to bed. I get griped at for the littlest things, i.e. a couple dishes undone a few toys in the livingroom that our dd is playing with and or something not in it's specific place. BTW dh is ex navy. He had a very rough childhood and still has issues and has extreme issues with ex wife and ex g/f's. I do everything to please him and to keep him happy and I feel as if it is a lose/lose situation. I cook, clean, have sex when he needs/wants, budgets, stays home 24/7 no stretch of imagination 24/7. If I do go to store or appts I have to take kids with me b/c his nerves can't handle them. We tried for both our children so they were planned. Things got worse when I was preg with our son (2mo). My dh has changed. I found out while I preg that 2 yrs ago my dh cheated on me on his way home to my and our dd from swift. I did not leave but I am still hurt and confused as to how he could such a thing. He swears he wouldn't/couldn't do it again but his eyes and comments towards other women says otherwise. That's where me being bi falls in. He thinks that being bi means he can flirt and whatever and I am suppose to go along with him. Yes I am attracted to women more so than I am men. I do not look at men. But I can not get him to understand that it is a part of me and it's not suppose to used against me. I have self esteem issues that he tells me to get over and he has told me that there is no such thing as mental/verbal abuse that I would believe anything I read. I am to my wits end but can not bring m yself to leave. I do not want this to end we have been so close to divorce so many times but I chase him and I try to fix it. He has something to say about my hair do's, what I wear, how I drink my drinks, how I do things and is always belittling me when I say something about it he says I take things to seriously. THESE THINGS HURT. I do not know how to get him to see this...I love and adore my dh and do not want to lsoe him. My dh's stepdad has asked me before while we were on verge of divorce if its love or obession....I LOVE HIM!! I also do not want my children to grow up in a single parent home. My dh also states that I don't accept my faults and I place blame on him. When we argue instead of me just agreeing with him on the things I know I do, I proceed to tell him what he does so I know that maybe where he gets that. I do recognize my problems and I am working on them, my dh states that it will be the same as always nothing will ever change. He acts like he doesn't want it to. He has a problem with wearing his rings I have to say something for him to grab them and when I look again they are off. He pushes me away in his sleep, doesn't hold me like he used to I have to basically beg for a hug or a kiss and I get a pat on the back and a raspberry. What should I do any and all advice is welcome.PLEASE!!!I DON'T WANT TO LET GO! [color:"pink"] [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
