OK...now my wife and I have been in recovery for 2+ years now, and things have been alright.

But...there's something that's got my 'spidey sense' on alert recently.

First, her dealing with the kids and I has started to sound a lot like it used to be during her EA...she's unhappy about things (mostly to do with the kids, but she's complained that I'm doing some things 'like before' occasionally too). She's back to being confrontational and unremorseful when things get rough between her and them (they're all older teens).

And...we have a VOIP home phone service, and I have the ability to login and look at the online invoice. It doesn't show ANY information about incoming calls, only shows outgoing long-distance calls or other charges. Once each of the past 3 months, there has been a 'directory assistance' charge, that took place during hours when she was the only person in the house, that she doesn't know anything about when I asked. I only asked the first time I saw it...but now that I've seen it 3 times, I'm wondering if she's using it to request directory assistance in being tranferred to a number she doesn't want showing up on the phone bill?

I spoke with our provider, and they indicated that the information I've got is the only info they have...they can't 'see' what happens with the call once the DA group takes it, nor can they provide me any information on uncompleted calls or incoming calls.

All of this adds up to making me uneasy. I don't KNOW anything at this point...but it's got me seriously concerned.

I know if I press on the directory assistance thing with her and it IS something, she'll find another way.

I'm thinking at this point I may want to get a digital voice recorder and put it on a phone jack in the house...but does anyone else have any suggestions?

I HATE to think that she's hiding something again, but it just 'feels' that way to me. I haven't been 'snooping' per se, and she knows that. I DO have a keylogger on the computers...at HER request because she's been pretty upset about porn use by our teen boys and wanted that to end. Nothing there, but there wouldn't be if she knew that there was a logger there.

Thoughts?

Can you purchase a small caller ID box and hook it up out of sight? So that you are the only one that can check it?

Just a thought...

I would put the recorder on the phone. That way you won't have to worry about it. There are good ones at RadioShack that you just plug into an unused phone jack, and they will record everything that is said on both sides of the conversation. You can hide it behind furniture, and some people have even hidden it in the wall.

Do you support her in dealing with the kids? That was a sore spot for me in our marriage. Husband left everything up to me, and was not supportive in my dealings with the kids.

Owl, sorry to hear you have to deal with this stuff again.

I used a voice activated recorder to tape my WW's call and it worked GREAT! Try that and see what you uncover.

I hope is turns out to be nothing. Maybe your wife just forgot where she called. I have done that. I watch the caller ID so much that I end up catching myself sometimes and then feel stupid for it.

Would directory assistance have a log of where they transfered your W to? Maybe you could call them up and ask them. You might try it under the guise of, "I got this dirctory assitance charge on my bill, and I am disputing it. I want to know what it was for."

No they do not keep that record.

A caller ID box will do no good since they are outgoing calls.
If you have suspicion... I hate to say it... but more times than not it is accurate.
Make sure you have a keylogger on the computer... record calls...and if necessary have her followed. She forfeited her rights to privacy when she had an affair.... you are acting reasonably and with understandable caution.
Good luck.

MEDC is right, they don't keep that kind of record. I tried that tactic after the first one...you can file a claim to dispute a charge, but they can't give you any further information on what action was taken with that call...they'll only prove that you called them.

Beleiver- This has been a sore spot with us as well. I absolutely support her in dealing with the kids...even when I think she's overreacting or wrong. My biggest issue there is that she tends to get angry and loud very easily...where I used to try to defuse the situation and get her to calm down and DISCUSS things. For the most part now I don't try that tactic anymore...because normally it's both sides spoiling for a fight.

Well, right now I don't know that it's anything...but at this point I'm not sure that it's not either. Guess I'll make a trip to Radio Shack and price recorders. I have a couple of options to connect and hide one...there'd be no way to spot it if I put one in, and it would be somewhere I could access it easily without any questions.

We'll see what happens...thanks for the thoughts all.