I'm sorry your so frustrated with me. I can't force her to do anything ,if I try then I'm the SOB that she had before and then things get all the worse.

Our C session with Steve was this morning he started with her and spent 1 1/4 hr. and 10 min with me. I have homework to do and I think she does also. Our next session with him is 7/3.

I thought things went ok with C,until this afternoon when BS called me at workand told me I lied again about when it started, wrong !!!!!! Then at one point she got angry at me and hung up. I came right home after work and tried to straighten it out. I am not lying and know all of these problems are mine since I created them. I am different now than then and am working hard to get us on the road to recovery.

BS agees that I am diff. Steve says thats a good step in the right direction when both of us see that there are changes for the better.

Now that I have updated all I'm ready for your wrath. More later Gilligan.

Gill,

I am truly sorry for you.

All I can keep saying to you is keep working. Keep the counseling.

I am a firm beleiver in radical honesty and to be honest it seems like you are trying to give it.

My only advice is something I have said to you in the past.

You messed up but it doesn't mean you are a whipping boy.

I don't even know what to say anymore.

I keep thinking the same thing is at some point you can say enough as well.

You can say stop calling me a liar, stop treating me like this.

I made a horrible decesion, I love you but if you are going to continue to call me a liar everytime I am a little off on something, I won't do that anymore.

You need to stand up for yourself a little here.

She won't let you go through the timeline but then she says you aren't honest.

Well good luck my friend.

I am sorry things aren't going well.

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement much app.

I love BS enough to be on the wrath side of her for as long as it takes. Thanks again FNM. Gilligan

Gill,

I wish you the best of luck. I am not posting to your BS anymore.

I hope all goes well for you, I really do. To be honest when I first started I wanted to give you 2x4's, now all I have for you is the utmost respect.

Keep going and know that the A does not define you as a person. It is what you do after that that defines you as a person.

I hope your BS sees you as the wonderful person you are.

I look at all the things you do and I really know that if my FWW put the effort in that you are now we would be in a much better place.

Keep your head up. Don't stop going to MC no matter what. If she tries to stop I would say if we stop MC then we will never recover so why bother.

I don't beleive you are trying to deceive your BS. I hope I am right.

FNM I don't know what made you decide not to post to my BS anymore,but I'd like to ask a favor. Unless it's affecting you or your M I'd like you to keep posting to her,she respects your comments and judgement so much cuz she see's so much of where you were and are at in herself. She is truly a wonderful person that has been given a pile of do-do and is being asked to make it into something wonderful.

I don't ask this for me but for her she looks at as a friend. She really neds all of them she can get at this time in her life. Her disease has lots of neg. affects on her and is taking its toll on her physically and emotionally. I have so much respect for her now that I didn't show her before, Lat nite lots happened that I care not to talk about. BS asked me a question,and I answered it trtuthfully she didn't see it that way. I could have taken the easy way out and lied and she did give me the oppertunity,but I chose the right way and kind of paid for it. Please don't anyone give up on her she diserves all of your help. She's no longer talking to me right now so I'm going back to try to get past this. More later Gilligan

Gil,

Did you get paid for your honesty from yourself? Do you feel strong and proud of yourself at all? There's more than a response to your honesty...there is you choosing to be honest...has its own reward, as well.

Would you also consider that it isn't getting past "this", it's staying present for "this"? That's your part...don't discount your choice, your own bravery and honesty in staying present, 'k?

LA

gilligan,

i took a few days for me....had a lot to do with my horse and had to take care of 20 something horses at a riding barn.

i believe you have made changes and i also believe you want this marriage. i also believe you are still minimizing things to a degree. (call it a gut feeling) you have to just get it all out there. my husband did this for years and boy did it take a toll on me....i lived in a constant state of hyper-vigilance. its called adrenaline overload. it affected my heart and my health permanently. i now live a very different life because of it. my health problems have all come from it and i will never be the same....all due to his choices before and after the affair. get it all out and start the healing process with steve's help.

now onto the part about your wife and you that frustrates the heck outta me....your lack of communication. you both have to work on this with yourselves and in your writing on here. in order to help we need the gory details and the context of what happened. when i read your posts, and hers its like this....

we had a fight last night, we both said stuff, she thinks i lied, i didnt. she asked me stuff, i answered.....she huffed off. how do i fix this?

from what i wrote....how would YOU advise on this? you cant because there is no details. i get you both are very private people but the details are what matters. i envision you two doing this with each other and both comming away from the situation with two absolutely different versions of the very same thing. it gets confusing.lol

i wont give up on you both yet....but you gotta give us more to work with here. lol

so.....are you still minimizing? we can help if you are and decide to be honest about it. if you continue, you may lose everything.

Yes sometimes I still do. For instance when the story started comming out the was OSF just to me then when the time line came out I told BS that it went both ways. At that time I told BS just a couples of times each way, yesterday we talked for a few Hrs. asnd I really tried not to minimize I told her which is the truth that when I siad a couple of times I ment more than 1 and less than 6.


Yesterday morn WE HAD TO GO PICK UP MY TRUCK AT THE SHOP( THE truck which my BS just bought for me -us) I took her down the road where SF happened for the first time it was hard for me to go back there knowing that is the place where I completely destroyed our M.

We talk for a few hrs after we got back and she asked questions and I answered them and expladed on them. Sometimes we had to go back so BS understood wehat happened and how. It went very well I thought we talked freely Ifelt very comfortable talking to her even though I didn't like what we were talking about.


Later in the day we had some things we had to do and stopped we got home late after 1130pm. On the way home she seemed very distant and deep in thought when we got in bed she started re hashing everything and basically telling me that what I said really wasn't the thruth.I can understand more Q but she did it in a mean way.

This has ended up to be a 2 day post that I don't have time to finish now. Since this last paragraph things are looking up a little, C with Steve tomorrow morn, more after that Gilligan

still waiting......

I've not followed your thread, so bear with me...

But a suggestion...

Set a time limit on how long these discussions go on each day. Say, talk for an hour about the affair, with you being completely open and honest about anything your BS asks.

Keep a journal of what's discussed, and mark stopping points so that you can resume in the same place the next day if you need to. Also, she can use this to determine if she's getting a straight story from you or not...she can see any changes you've made in your story.

Once your hour is up for the day, NO MORE AFFAIR, RELATIONSHIP, OR MARRIAGE TALK!!! Move on to something lighter, and more fun. Resume daily housework, and avoid discussing it further until the next appointed time.

This lets you have some 'stress free' time...both of you. If all you do is talk about that, after a while it seems to be the only thing you can talk about.

We followed this plan in our recovery...it helped tons.

Just a suggestion.

Sorry its been awhile since I posted. We both have been very busy. To owl 1 hr. would just P.O. my BS 4 sometimes isn't enough.

We talked to steve last wk. and he talked to BS mostly. We have another appt. on the 12th.

Sometimes I still think it's going ok then all he** brakes loose. and mostly I'm not sure why.

I do know I love BS and want her to have a wonderful life and I believe I can make that for her.

On the wks when her disease flairs it's hard to handle, cause she's all the more upset. Having PTSD, along with 2 other diseases makes it tough around here. I better go, More later Gilligan

PS nikkowe still have more conversations to talk about, but no time now.