We closed on our house last Thursday. Evidently H had stayed in the house with it empty the night before. Even he was emotional at the closing. Told me he had shed tears too and that he was beginning to see the burden he had placed on me all through the years. He said he was sorry. I guess he is having to write checks and handle things. He put off calling the movers until it was too late and had to scramble for help moving, etc. He always puts things off and it causes him problems.<P>He moved in with his mother until a decision can be made about the relocation with his job. <P>We haven't been seeing as much of each other since the beach trip or even talking as much. Sunday morning I called and asked him if he wanted me to drop a vehicle title by, as he is selling one. He asked if I was going out to lunch with my parents afterwards. Told him it depended on if I got any other offers. He asked me to come by his mother's to eat. I asked if he would like to do anything that afternoon. He said yes. We went to my apartment and sat by pool and talked about the job and relocation. He finally asked me if I would have a problem moving "if we worked things out". I told him no, but this would have to be a long, slow process. I didn't tell him this, but I'm not about to uproot myself from my 20 year job and family only for him to go back to "I don't know what I want" six hours from here. It took every bit of strength I had to leave, and I'll have to be sure before I go back into it.<P>Back to the subject, I told him I would have to wait for the right transfer opportunity to come about, but that no, I didn't have a problem. <P>We went into the apartment to get ready to go see a movie. We had some great sex and then went out. I dropped him off around 9:30 and he acted like he didn't want me to leave.<P>I don't know what's in his head. We have paid off the big bills and have divided the other bills up. Maybe some pressure is off since the house sold. I just don't know. I do know, though, that we had a nice day Sunday. Now, he may piss me off in a big way the next time we talk, but Sunday was great. I've been tied up with a class, a concert last night, and a work related social event tonight, but I'll probably contact him tomorrow night to see if he's made any progress with the job negotiation. <P>Anyway, just wanted to share my "limited success" and see what you guys think. I hate to be the one to make all the contact, but when I do he seems glad. I remember him telling our therapist he wasn't a person that would "go to", that people have to "come to" him. I've tried to keep that in mind.<P>

What about Bob!!!<P>Baby steps.<P>Any progress is good progress. I would settle for standing still if things were going backwards.<P>Hang in there.

He called today around lunch time and asked what I was up to. I'm going to a BIG party tonight sponsored by one of my customers and he asked if I minded if he were there, as he was given a ticket. Told him no. He said he would see me there. I'm riding with my boss, so he said he would take me home. If he didn't want to see me, I believe he wouldn't be going to the party nor would he have called and asked if I minded him being there..... I wish I could get inside his head.

One place you don't want is inside a man's head <P> It definitely sounds like he wants to be around you. I guess the hard part is finding out in what capacity.<P> I would stick to what you are doing. Going to functions and leading a "normal" life and include him if he wants to be. It shows openness and honesty, at least that's what I'm trying to do.

Janie, I wondered how you were doing.<P>Are you finding the apartment life more carefree? Do you miss your house as much as you thought you would? <P>You know, I was just thinking about this.... Would not it have been harder for both of you to let go of the house at the same time? I mean, you did your adjustment earlier - reality hit home for him just recently. I think you sound like you are much stronger than when you moved out. You may not realize how much stronger you sound. <P>It sounds like you ARE making progress, for you and for your relationship. Beats picking up extension phones, huh?<P>God Bless.<P>

Mrs. Mush -- I do believe I am getting stronger. I still like my apartment and am comfortable there. When he moved out of the house I had no other choice than to get the dog. She is old and afraid to walk up/down steps, so I have to carry her up and down. She's a daschand (sp??) so it isn't bad, although I'm on third floor.<P>As far as "we" go, he still is around quite a bit. He is affectionate at times and is interested in sex, although performance at times needs some improvement (can't seem to "finish"). Sometimes I'm very hopeful. Sunday was a great day. Last night we went to a big party together. I had bought a new dress and wore some really nice jewelry my sister lent, worked really hard on hair and makeup. I thought I looked good and from some of the looks I got at the function, others did too. He never said "you look nice" or anything. Kind of hurt my feelings.<P>As far the the house -- yes I really miss it. It was a beautiful, comfortable home and I loved it. We did get a nice price, so that helps. As trivial as this sounds, a co-worker was talking about getting her gas logs in over the weekend. I loved sitting in front of my gas logs on cool fall saturday and sunday mornings drinking my coffee. It was sooo cozy, and I miss my gas logs really bad. Sounds stupid doesn't it? <P>Anyway, I'm doing okay. One day at at time.

Mrs. Mush -- I do believe I am getting stronger. I still like my apartment and am comfortable there. When he moved out of the house I had no other choice than to get the dog. She is old and afraid to walk up/down steps, so I have to carry her up and down. She's a daschand (sp??) so it isn't bad, although I'm on third floor.<P>As far as "we" go, he still is around quite a bit. He is affectionate at times and is interested in sex, although performance at times needs some improvement (can't seem to "finish"). Sometimes I'm very hopeful. Sunday was a great day. Last night we went to a big party together. I had bought a new dress and wore some really nice jewelry my sister lent, worked really hard on hair and makeup. I thought I looked good and from some of the looks I got at the function, others did too. He never said "you look nice" or anything. Kind of hurt my feelings.<P>As far the the house -- yes I really miss it. It was a beautiful, comfortable home and I loved it. We did get a nice price, so that helps. As trivial as this sounds, a co-worker was talking about getting her gas logs in over the weekend. I loved sitting in front of my gas logs on cool fall saturday and sunday mornings drinking my coffee. It was sooo cozy, and I miss my gas logs really bad. Sounds stupid doesn't it? <P>Anyway, I'm doing okay. One day at at time.

janie, from where I am standing, if i were you i'd scream "yippee!!!!"<P>baby steps- allow him to lead, but you don't necassarily have to follow. <BR>keep us posted.<BR>I know at times my W and I get along real well- read my post "show of hands"- which is real confusing to me. <P>Again , KUDOS!!!