(((((Still)))))

Sounds like he's still focusing on you and not himself...I guess I just want so much more for you...it kills me that he hurts you like he does...

If I'm nor mistaken if you are going to Plan B, yes you will need a go between person...Of course, this will make him mad...he doesn't get to munipulate you like he wants for HIS purposes...

It's almost like my WH, whatever HE wants or needs...he comes first...of course, he always said that the kids and I came first...you can tell by his actions that's not true...

Wishing you a better day!

(((Still)))

Not in a position to give much advice, but just to let you know I'm thinking of you. I also want to let you know that I had severe tremors that began about a week after I started on Celexa.

I eventually switched to Zoloft, and the tremors subsided a bit but not entirely and lasted for another 2-3 months. Looking back, I'm not sure that the tremors were all about the ADs...I think my anxeity level was just THAT high. I was also not eating and severely underweight, so it could have been some kind of reaction to that on my nervous system???

The tremors are gone now, and have been gone for a couple of months, but they do come back on occasion when I am feeling particularly anxious.

I think when you get to the peace of Plan B you will feel much better. But only YOU know exactly when the right time is...if you go to Plan B on someone elses timeline then you won't feel "right" about it.

You must get your head and heart in sych before you can go to Plan B IMHO. Otherwise you will cave, you will question yourself, you will panic.

I would recommend taking some time to really be STILL. Breathe, meditate, pray, whatever helps you find some peace so that you can hear the still small voice of your soul, of God. Get in touch with yourself. I know this is hard. But I--personally--believe it is necessary to get your head and heart in sych.

Praying for you.

Rind and LilSis,

It really means alot to me to have you around.

Rind... yes he still is putting everything on me. It's because I did this or that. I wanted to say yes I talk to J and J... you have S to talk to and comfort you.
He also told me he saw glimpses of who I was the other night... I told him I'm not perfect and never will be ... I'm working really hard on that.

LilSis,
Do you feel like your head and heart are in sync? Is that something that ever really happens? I know I have got to start Plan B really soon or I'm going to have a breakdown... and that will not be good for my kids.

About the tremors... I know it's from the seratonin build up in my system...have to go back and see what else we can do. It could also be stress and I haven't been eating very well.

Thanks for the advice about being still (not the Still that I'm being now) it is hard to stop mind from going all over the place.

I appreciate the prayers... know that mine are also with both of you.

Still

Still, I think you are almost there. I wasn't fully in sync when I went to Plan B, but I was ready. It's hard to explain. I saw the crumbles of cake hitting the ground, and I just couldn't bring myself to lean down to get them from the floor. It wasn't pride, either. I think it was respect for myself, and a realization that I wanted to smash his face in more than to Plan A. Not good.

I needed Plan B for me, so I turned to it. I am happy that I did.

I'm so sorry to hear about your pain, and the stresses of daily life can exacerbate everything 10 fold. Waywards can say some horrible things. You CAN handle things, you would just much rather NOT do it alone, and that's okay.

Silent,

I think I'm almost there, maybe I should be there now. But I do have the conferance and my DD performance on Sunday. Then it's time.

Just got back and bought some nice stationary to write letter...it's hard to find stationary with lines. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I'll try my best without it. I'm pleased with my letter, used some stuff from LilSis almost ver batum (sp) Sorry LIlSis I hope you take that as a comlpiment. Still debating about having an intermediatory (SP) I'm going to sleep and pray on that on it
Picked up a wallet poem to put with PBL

I'M SORRY
For things I might have said to you
In anger or frustration
For times when words of mine have been
A source of provocation
....I'm sorry

For unkind actions, thoughtless deeds
or inconsiderations,
For jumping to conclusions,
For rejecting moderation
..... I'm sorry

For timely things I havn't done,
Forgetting or omitting,
For knowing sometimes I was wrong
Without, in fact, admitting
..... I'm sorry

For converastions we have had
When temper stole affection
For looking in a negative,
Not positive direction
..... I'm sorry

For being too insensitive
And just a bit unwise
For failing to percieve the need
For loving compromise
..... I'm sorry
Bruce B Wilmer

Now I'm trying to get the courage up to call the radio show. Deep breath

Stil [color:"blue"] [/color] [color:"black"] [/color]

Petrified..... on hold for the radio broadcast.

Still

Okay just got off the phone with the Harley's.

They made it very easy to talk, I was shaking as I was waiting and listening. He has asked if I was suffering from depression before the first affair. When I said I had he said before I would of put you on AD i would of asked to talk to your H. What was he doing... he needed to spend more time, the 15 hours together and start meeting her EN.
He mentioned that he would say she's angry all the time... he would recommend the above. And he said if that was done for 2-3 months the depression would disappear.
I had mentioned after the first affair how he had told me I was pathetic and couldn't stand to be near me. They told me I needed to get away from this man. I did tell them he didn't talk to me this way before the A.
Off air (I think it was off air) he told me I needed to be completely away from him. Told me I needed to Plan B. I mentioned the letter is already written and I am giving it to him soon. He said he is the one causing my depression and just a few days away from him would start to lift my spirits. But anytime I would see ot talk or even hear his name it would bring me back down.
Joyce had mentioned that we could always get remarried if that is what is meant to be.
I also asked if he thought what he was doing is emotionally abusive and he said having an affair is the most abusive thing anyone can do to thier spouse.

Although I didn't get my answers about having H talk to SH or if he thought this was an exit affair and the success rate of reconciliation after. Maybe I'll e-mail and ask those questions.

Still

Listen to the advice about Plan B. You have been through h3ll and back a number of times with this man, and, not only is it time for you to get some much needed rest, it is time for you to muster every bit of self-respect you have and cut him off. YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND HAPPY.

It's funny not funny haha.... I'm getting all this advice to get away from this man. The exact opposite of what I actually want to do.

I know that is what I have to do for ME. I just need to get through 6-7 more days. I have been through he!! and back several times.... and I don't deserve this treatment. I do need to gather up what little self respect I have and just do it.

I do have to keep reminding myself that I do deserve to be LOVED and I do deserve to be HAPPY. And start to accept that that probably won't be with my WH.

Thanks Silent you don't know how much I appreciat this.

Still

i've been listening to the rebroadcast as i work on my final paper for my class.

i just heard your call

it's nice to hear your voice! kinda makes you seem more like a "real" friend

of course it's hard for any BS not to be depressed while thier H is IN the A

but do you really believe that your H caused your depression before the A?

(I know that's not the case in my situation. It was due to my dad's depression and suicide.)

if i understood, Dr. Harley was advising plan B until the A ends and think s that this would improve your depression but not to stay away from your H for good.....right? because if you were working to rebuild your marraige, you would follow the 4 principles of CARE, PROTECTION, HONESTY and TIME...then neither of you would be depressed

I had forgotten that you were the one who filed for D. Why haven't you withdrawn the filing since it's not what you want?

Ever heard of a 'boomerang'? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Howz about the slingshot effect to get out of orbit? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

These are different techniques to get back on course (i.e. in balance). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Try it. Confuse the crap out of the WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Eve,

My Wh counterfiled so even if I was to withdraw he would also have to withdraw his petition. Otherwise it would make no difference the divorce will proceed.

I'm not sure what caused my depression... it does make sense what Dr. Harley was saying. My H was spending alot of time away from home being involved with all kinds of meetings. I would get upset... it would cause him not to want to come home. Just a viscous circle. If he didn't cause my depression I'm sure it didn't help it.

Off the air Joyce had said to take care of myself first. Even if the divorce goes through many couples remarry. But right now she mentioned that he is toxic to me in a sense (not sure if she used those exact words). Dr Harley even mention that he is in this to save marriages... but the disrespect my WH shows me isn't healthy for me.

Isn't it sad I wanted them to say something magic that would make it all better.

Sorry I wasn't on last night if you needed me. Went to bed early. Now I'm worried about today and tomorrow. I still don't have a room and you would think I was asking WH to cut off a limb or something. Doesn't want to drive down together... actually it'll give me more time to think. Like I really need that.

I'll pop in every now and then before I head.

Still

Orchid,

You want to send me wisdom and courage via internet... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
I could really use it.

Boomerang... I like that, right now sling shot sounds even better <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The thing with the boomerang .... am I going to want it when it comes back or just throw it back to MOW.

Wh was suppose to call me last night about hotel plans... big surprise that he didn't.

Talked with his college roomate last night before I went to bed... mentined it may be a little awcward (sp) he says he'll have to get over it. We are both in the same profession and have the same circle of friends. He'll deal.

Still

Why does every single interaction hurt so bad ?

I know the idea of sharing a room is odd... but we are still married. Who cares what people think. He didn't care what people thought when he was out catting around. It's not like I could force him to have sex with me.

Then the comment the other night about how I talk to friends.... he doesn't talk to his friends because he knows that what he is doing is wrong. And they might actually say something to burst a little bubble of his fogg.

He wants the whole world to know that we only grew apart... not that we grew apart because he was and is putting more effort into wh**e.

Guys pray form me that today and tomorrow I don't make a fool of myself. I keep praying Lord be with me and guide me in my interactions with WH.

Still

still

i also hope, each time that i talk with jennifer, that she will have some magic for my marriage

it surprised me that Dr harley thought what your H said was that bad....it WAS a rotten thing for him to say...but in my mind, i compare it to the things MY h has said and did since this A started and it's nowhere near as bad!
(i shudder to think then what he would say about MY h then)

but Jennifer has heard it all and said to me......it's no different than many other WS......that's what plan B is for....to protect you from their words and actions because they ARE so terrible

i "get" what you're saying about sharing a room since he is your H....but in reality....i know that my H wouldn't even share a truck ride with me

at one point i was genuinely confused at something he said and i replied "but you're my husband" and he said "No. i don't consider you my wife anymore."

and i think that's the bottem line

that's how they are able to do all of this to us

they have alread divorced us....as it says in all of the books, they actually go back in time and find reasons to use to beleive that the marraige was a mistake from the beginning and feel that it is now "null and void" because it was a mistake from the very beginning

and it's like they then erase us......and their memories of us...and their feelings about us

that's how i feel

erased

Eve,

I don't think my WH considers me his wife anymore. Although at times he still introduces me as such. And he didn't even want to drive down with me. God forbid what would the HO think.

Didn't share a room with WH.... he was going to let me have the room and I was just si fed up that I told him don't worry I'll find somewhere to sleep. He said OK. And I did.... kind of embarrassed to say where but it was all on the up and up.

He barely said 3 words to me last night and today. He made sure that he wasn't sitting anywhere near me. But just hearing his voice all day really cut to the heart. And explaining to all our college friends... I mean they used to call us salt and pepper because we always were together.

I really need to be away from him for awhile. It hurts to be erased out of someones life.

And I did expose to everyone the reason we are divorcing... to say people were shocked. One of our friends told me I can't even look at him. If he comes to give me a hug I think I might knee him. I wsa telling her that he thinks this isn't going to affect the kids. She said it most certainly will.. apparently her dad left her mom for OW and she still remebers the pain of seeing her mom crying on the couch. She wishes now that she's older she could tell her dad what she thinks (he's passed away) Her sister didn't even invite him to her wedding (and it was like 10 years later). I wish she would tell WH this so maybe it would sink in.

Still

to be very honest

if my H doesn't come home.....i will NEVER wish him happiness

i WILL wish him exactly what he did to me

in fact, i wish that upon your H and every WS that doesn't come home!

now if i only had a magic wand.....

i wish that your friends WOULD have told him what they really think

i'm tired of all of so many people supporting the A!

they don't seem to understand that by NOT taking a firm stand against it....they are, in fact, supporting it

I agree completely.... I still want my WH to be CRUSHED by his HO. I want him to feel pain as deeply as I do and his children.

I do not wish any happiness to any WS who has no remorse.... and mine certainly doesn't.

It makes me angry to see all the pain of the BS here. It makes me wish the my WH was like the FWS that come here. The make the intiative to redeem themselves.

And at times I hate myself because I have to keep reminding myself that I don't want the WH but the H. When at times it's I just want him home.

Still

Eav and Still,

I agree with you both 100%. I do not wish my WH well at all. I told him we will never be friends. He said that's not right, we've got kids. I said too bad. He hurt me too much.

He hasn't admitted the A to anyone, so of course he has no remorse.

I too get very mad when friends and relatives still talk to him like nothing happened. Like they accept what he's doing.

Of course WH spins it to people saying that the M was over for him already. I guess that justifies his cheating.

His own mother had him and OW over for lunch! Huh? As long as her son is happy I guess it doesn't matter to her what he does. You'd think she'd at least have respect for her grandkids and not welcome the OW into her home. Sick thinking.

That new song from Justin Timberlake...What goes around comes around. Let's hope so!

My father has always told me that. He said it might take 10 years, but what goes around will come around.