Sound great to me, Still. I know how these suggestions might sound like 2x4s...I'm sensitive to that as well.

But TRULY...being dark will be EASIER for you. Every contact is painful now. No contact means that THAT particular pain will be removed. There's plenty of pain left to deal with.

I wish for your sake you would have had that "a-ha" experience that told you to go to Plan B NOW!! Instead, you just had to do it because you knew you had to, but didn't really WANT to. That's okay, but I think that might be why it's a little harder than it was for me.

But in the long run, you'll see what I mean. End the contact and you'll have some relief.

((still))

Good morning, Still!

Hope this day finds you in a good place physically, mentally, and emotionally.

You have received some EXCELLENT advise above! Read those posts again! They are worthwhile and will help you gather your strength to get through this.

I am in agreement, you can't keep letting him in. Plan B is for you. So, what are you going to do with YOU as the focus in your life, instead of WS?

If you can only focus on that one hour, one day at a time, that is OK. DO it. Just think, what am I going to do for the next hour or what will I do for today? Fill the time.

I know the more down time I allow myself, the harder it is emotionally.

Pull out your favorite cd's. Ones with upbeat songs that made you wanna boogie around the house while you are cleaning! Do one of those 'projects' you haven't had the time for in the past - - - one of mine is always cleaning out my closet!

You CAN do this! We are all rooting for you and are here when you need to vent!

{{{{/STILL}}}}

Good Morning, Still

I totally understand the attachment you have with your WH. YOU are going through you own withdrawal. It's painful, but you can do it.

These are 2x4's, really. We're trying to talk you through this. Don't pick up the phone anymore. HE HAS READ THE LETTER. He has. Extract yourself from that triangle.
There is no need to email him what you've already written in the letter.

Relief will come.

You will be okay, Still. Keep busy; when you feel edgy or tempted, post here. I know you are working a lot this weekend...that is a very good thing. Get through these first few days and then you will start to see how much more comfortable it is here in the dark.

Thanks guys for checling in on me. It really means alot.

Haven't talked to him since yesterday.... so 24 hours. He did fix the garage door and thought about texting him thank you. But then thought you know what he rarely ever thanked me for things. I'll wait for comments... I'm leaning towards not.

A little bump in the road this am on my way to work. Ho wasn't home this morning... so it appears he blew off DS for her. Thinking if it was her B-day or something. LilSis how do you avoid where she works right down the street? She lives not very far from me.

Tried not to think about it while a work but it crept in every so often. I know it's going to take time.

I'm beleiving you guys already further into plan B that focusing on H will decrease with time. And I will feel more at peace.

Again it means alot to ahve you guys checking on me.

Still

Okay... had to call where WH lives to talk to son. Next time will make sure he has his cell on. Although cell doesn't have reception there. Will have to figure that one out.

Called Wh picked up and said hello asked to talk to DS and that was it. No hi how are you on my part.

Ten minutes later he calles here (thank-you caller id) and asks me to call. 'm not going to call back.

Didi I do good?

Still

i disagree with anyone here who says plan B is to allow you to move on either way and no one is ever going to convince me that plan B is for ME

that is what THEY believe plan B is about

i was VERY CLEAR to jennifer harley....the person who helped create plan B.... that I DID NOT want to go to plan B for ANY reason except of she believed it was my BEST CHANCE TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE

i did it to preserve my love for my H because he was being so hurtful that jennifer believed i might stop loving him

and because she believed it was my best chance of letting him decide if having me gone from his life is really what he wanted

looks to me like he decided it IS what he wants

so my only hope now is that the A will end and he wil consider returning to me....jennifer still thinks that's a real possibility

my love has been "preserved"

but i miss him like he!! and would have loved to have been able to have continued contact with him

i still wonder if maybe all of this is wrong and he would be home already if we were still having contact

there's just no way to know for sure if plan B worked for me unless i get the results I WANT

so i really do understand how you feel

EXCELLENT!!

No TM about the garage.
No reply to VM.
Great job! You did it!! See?? We knew you could!

Yep, get the cell thing worked out for your son, or avoid calling unless it's an emergency, or have him call you if you like to connect each night.

Yes, it is VERY tough for me...RT works around the corner and there is very frequently a cop car out front. I have taken to avoiding going that direction unless it is absolutely necessary.

I am so proud of myself...the last two times I have gone that way I DID NOT look to see if she were parked in her "hidden" spot ("hidden because I am so scary!! and apparently she thinks I am blind, too, because even a dumpster doesn't conceal a minivan).

RT also LIVES less than a mile away. Drive-bys could be very, very tempting, but with grit and determination I don't do it.

Grit and determination and WILL. YOU CONTROL YOUR ACTIONS. Don't pick up that phone. Don't drive down that street. Don't send that text.

Now the emotional part I can't help you with. I still fixate. It's three weeks today...maybe it's gotten a bit better, but nearly imperceptible. I so long to let it go, give it to God, but it's not easy, and that's the part I keep searching for inspiration on.

Big thumbs up from me! You did GREAT! Be proud of yourself!

Eve,

I would love to preserve my M... and that is why I'm also doing this. The thing is I don't want the man he is reght now.

And I've been thinking if that man is even in there anymore. He has told me repeatedly that he is the same man he was in Sept. I don't want that man...that man was cruel and viscous to me and my kids.

I tols him I'm not... and I'm not the same person I was in Sept. I'm not as angry as I was. At least not showing him. And at that time I hated him for what he was doing.

This is my time to heal... I don't think this A will last. She hasn't even filed for D yet. She is in no big rush.

I'm also trying to save my love.... and if he comes back and shows me and proves to me that he wants to work on us AND himself then we will go slowly. I will not let him hurt me again (not again). WH has done this to me twice.

I was also talking with the girls at work... IF (and I don't think he will) he were to come back and it's before the D is final I want a post nuptual. If he does this again he loses money...

Eve I greive for the man he was... sometimes I saw glimpses of that man and oh how my heart aches to see more.

He doesn't want me... that's why I need to work on me. I want my M badly. And I wish I didn't file. That's where we are in a different place. My M is going to be over and I can't stop it. I still pray that he will or after the D he may come back.

Eve you are a very special lady.... you're H doesn't see what he is losing. I wish I had known you prior to my filing because I think you'r doing it the way the Harley's meant it to go. If I had known more about you and your plan I wouldn't of filed. I still might be in Plan B but I would not have been the one to file.

(((Eve)) you really mean alot to me.

Still

LilSis,

Thanks... no I didn't call him back. I went to bed and he never called back. I am goign to mention to son to call me when with his D the only tjing he is a 14 year old boy. Sometimes I don't think there is a brain in there. You'll see when your boys get there.

I need to work on my determination and grit. Because I have a hard time controlling myself from going that way and looking for her car in the driveway.

I know that will come in time.

Sometimes I hate the word time... I think it's time for me to be happy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I just wish I knew how much time this is going to take... to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not seeing that light yet.

Start of Day 2 only heard his voice for 1 second when I called for DS last night. I won't count that.

Off to shower then work.... I can make day 2. If I could quit smoking I can do this too.

Still

Still, I agree that Plan B is to protect your love for your H, and to take that last shot at drawing him back to you after the A ends. What I would call a side benefit of Plan B is that you are able to take the focus off of the WH, and not waste ONE MORE DAY.

For me, Plan B has been a LIFE saver. I have been able to live and enjoy my time, instead of thinking constantly of the A and the WH. So, in some ways, the side benefit is a bit more sanity. You will continue to questions things and to think about WH, and to yearn for your H, but the AMOUNT of time that you focus on that will diminish.

I'm taking the time to do for myself, to have fun with friends and to LIVE my life. It's a shame that my H is so lost, but that is reality, and part of my life.

Silent,

How long does it take before I stop focusing on Wh and the A? I'm still thinking of it frequently.

I'm so frustrated.... I really don't think he has even read my letter... he tried calling me twice at work. I had my tech play interferance. I TM him about calling and that I'm heading toward DS hockey game. I know not good.

Got there and I was talking to his mom.... he caomes over and give his mom a kiss and I wasn't even looking at him. He asked if I got his messages. I just barely said yes and if he got mine.

After as I wairing for DS to come out of locker room... he is the slowest. I swear he's always the last one out. WH kept trying to engage me and I just turned and left.

Said goodbye to DS spending tonight with his D again and WH said something to me and I didn't even look at him.

Do I just keep telling him to read the letter.... I didn't say that today. Or do I text him and tell him he needs to read the letter? This is really confusing me.

It is hard to see him but I just didn't look in his direction while he was coaching. It still hurts to hear his voice and such. But giving up my kids games and such is just not an option.

Did I handle this okay?

Still

I need to breathe.... WH just called. I was expecting DS. I answered heard his voice,

He asked why the cold shoulder... I said did you read my letter. He said yes. Then I said it hurts to much to hear your voice and see you. I need to heal.

He then said then let's make this quick.... I did this and this and this. Things aroubd the house.

I said thank-you and hung up.

He doesn't even care. I feel like I can't breathe.

Hopefully now he will do as I ask.... and i will not talk to him again. It just hurts to bad.

Still

Still,

Just jumped over to get caught up with you. Good job on not answering his call!

I wish I knew when it may ease for you! I don't disagree that part of Plan B is about WS,,, the last possible sitch for the A to end by giving WS a dose of real life without you. But, I also think it is about helping you detach so you can eventually move on. IMHO

Keep hanging in there. Keep posting. Wish all of the WS's realized what amazing Spouses they have here!

I think that you did an excellent job...he knows he needs to read the letter...for all you knwo he has and is refusing to do as you asked...

YOu know that the WS is full of games...you keep standing your ground Girl! YOU handle YOUR business!

As far as thinking about the A, I had to change my thinking...I mean when I thought about it, I had to stop myself and think about something else...anything...one lady tonight said that she thinks about babies...why, b/c SHE likes them, it makes her happy...

So, next time that you find yourself thinking about it, cahnge your thinking...only you have the power to let this consume you...I'm not saying that YOU ARE...sometimes it just takes other longer to heal, okay...

Just trying to offer you another tool for the toolbox! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Tell yourself that you refuse to bring yourself down, you will have a great day, hour, whatever...

LOL...the power of positive thinking! YOU can be happy without him! LOL...YOU WILL BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM!...owe, look at the cutie behind the counter...(Just playin!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

IMO....yes, you handled it fine.

What can you do? You both go to games, etc. You WILL cross paths. You are not engaging him, however. He's trying, you are not being drawn in.

I say keep it up. Don't worry about his motives...just keep it up. Don't get drawn in to whatever game he's playing. If he's so confused and befuddled about your behavior then perhaps he should read the letter you gave him. Hmmm??

My guess? He read it and he's just testing your mettle. He doesn't think you'll stick to it, doesn't think you are serious, so he's pushing your buttons. If you respond, you'd be playing right into his hands. But he doesn't know you like we do. Keep showing him that you mean business.

It could be worse. You could be in my shoes...not ONE single attempt by WH to break Plan B. He's kicking up his heels; rejoicing at AT LAST being free of me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Bugs, Rind,

I don't think you saw my above post. He did read the letter and he doesn't care... he's got to show control over me,

I broke plan B by talking to him but I let him know it hurts to hear his voice and see him. Everyone is right it hurts. I need to breathe slowly.

I'm back on the band wagon and hope I don't fall off soon.

I'm hoping I handled the other stuff okay.

It stinks I really did want H to read letter.... nope it was WH.
My bad.

Still

Still,


If he read the letter and still called,,,, the he is just testing you. He KNEW the answer to his question, it was right there in front of him.

You are exactly right. He is trying to keep control.


Don't beat yourself up! Take each experience and learn from it to help you though the next one. One step at a time. It's OK!

You know what you need to do,,,, and you CAN do it.

{{{STILL}}}

Awe, I got it now! Sorry guess I was having a slow moment!

I'm sorry Still! Big OUCH, huh?

It's okay to grieve. YOU really have done an excellent job!

((((((((Still)))))))))

Still,

I'm not sure you understood my tone in my previous post. It was not a 2X4 at all. I simply think that most of us BS obsess and don't see the extent of it until we go back and look at a journal or read our posts.

You have a great support network here and it's great that you are running so much by everyone. You are doing the right things.

I'm shocked that your husband is trying to engage you. I'm not sure if it's a lack of respect for your needs or he's a control freak. Anyway you'd know best. He's getting a reality check and it's good for him. I know he cares about you but he will never admitt it. If he did that he'd be vunerable and give you hope. Please don't base your worth on his confusion. You seem like a wonderful lady and all will work out for you!

Back to my thought... You are surely aware that most of what you are doing in obsessing right? Maybe it would help if you saw a doctor? You just seem like you need some relief. I remember reading about Xanax but have you tried an SSRI for obsessing? Just curious.

I feel for you.