Larry and Eve,

Thanks for checking in. Yes Larry people that are like MOW are definately users. Too bad WH can't see that. I think all he sees is someone attracted to him that could be his daughter. I just hope in the meantime my kids are not caught in the crossfire.

Eve,

I know what you're sayimg about him still getting exposure to me. Right now I'm doing the best I can. If I could go darker I would.

I do worry that all of this is really to late... that he is too far gone. That he is still getting whatever it is he gets from me still.

All I know is this right now this is helping me. Not seeing him as much or hearing his voice as much. Cause to be truthful even e-mails and TM still have a little sting. Although I'm not sure if it would sting also getting nothing.

He TM'd me about how fast my DD was driving down the highway (he took her to lunch and shopping before DS 2nd hockey game).

Didn't even reply to it.... now he knows what it is like to get a TM and get no response. DD wasn't dying so it deserved no response. At DS hockey game as soon as I saw DS and WH come from the locker room I hugged and kissed my in-laws and told my DS i was going to get the car and visit fro a few minutes with his grandparents and aunt.

I may have to explain to them what I'm doing.

So what do you guys think...did I do okay considering the circumstances? I'm not in the despair of depression right now.

Still

Eve,

Just wanted to add... you're right about not realising what you ahd until it's gone. I wonder how Wh is going to feel when HO is gone, his wife, respect of his kids, friends are gone.

I shake my head and wonder why he thinks she is worth all of this.

Eve I also think you did and are doing a great job in plan B. None of us know how this is going to turn out. I wish I had a crystal ball.

Still

Still, I think you're doing fantastic. I am very impressed at how well you're doing with your plan B. You haven't been in it very long, and already it is paying dividends for you.

He's going to feel really really bad, but it's of his own doing. Try to remember that the actions are those of the alien, not your H. That may make it easier to take him back when the time comes (if you want to).

Thanks SD,

I am trying really hard to keep this up. And I really think this is what I needed to do. I'm sorry I waited so long.

The one thing I think about is if this continues he won't be in my life much longer. I know where we have children together that we will still share events of thier lives. I've been thinking about all the things we wouldn't be sharing...things I may be sharing with someone else in years to come.

At this point if he comes back a reformed man I would take him back....that's a big if he comes back.

I'm still praying every night for my marriage.... and coming upon Holy week I'm also praying for a miracle. The thing I need to comes to terms with is that miracle may not be the one I'm wishing for.

SD... I'm strong this weekend which is amazing for me because weekends were the toughie. And I'm trying not to look to far down the road..... it can get very discouraging.

Still

Still,

You are doing Great!

Good validation from the coach/friend!

I will give you the Mimi warning to watch for motivations!!

But I understand the how it feels good to know others understand and are holding WS accountable!

Your ARE a wonderful woman!

Hoping you get some sleep and that we BOTH resist the call of the Girl Scout Cookies tonight!

PS-- I just bought BOB as a birthday gift to myself in Jan. I wonder why I did not do it years ago!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. I will tell you the long story about that another time!

Bugs,

Being dense this morning... I don't under stand the MiMI warning for motivation.

Is this motivation to hurt WS or why we want to know about WS and OP?

Maybe if Mimi is out there she can clear this up for me.

It's funnt Bugs.... I bought a BOB after WH first affair it was something that made him prety excited. Haven't seen it for awhile and if I find it it's probably old anyway. Probably need to go invest in a newer version
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Still

Just getting ready to go to church for Plam Sunday. I'm not sure how I feel this morning. My heart and soul seem to be in a jumble.

This is suppose to be our family going together... my oldest DD is in Germany, H is probably with Ho.

Is it wrong to want my family back? I think today might be a little dip in the rollercoaster ride.

Need to thnk about me, need to think about me....

I miss H not WH.

Still

Still,

U R not wrong for wanting you family back in tact.

Let your oldest know you they are in your heart and that you love 'em.

It is good you want your H and not the WS as he is. Don't worry, the WS will have a miserable day and so will the OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid,

I so want my family.... today at church seeing all our friends familes all together was a little hard. I did have my DD16 and DS14 with me and that meant so much. I'm sure DD19 went to mass in Germany today.

I prayed for WH to let God into his heart so he could become H again. Sometimes I get discouraged because I wonder if God is taking too long on this. I know it needs to be on his time table not mine. I don't think WH went to Mass today I would be very surpeised if he did.

Did have a little blip in plan B he came over to my car as I was trying to drive away....couldn't run over him in front of his parents now could I
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> DS and I was jammin to Nickeback

He asked about next weekend and Easter... didn't look at him and just said that it was his weekend with DS. And then just drove off. My heart hurts. I'm sure his couldn't even be phased.

I will have to e-mail him about next weekend because I would like DS Sunday night for my Easter with him. Also I'm leaving for Disney on the 11th with DD
for softball. And DS will be going with WH on the 13th for a week doing the Heritage tour. So I won't see DS for over a week.

Well hockey is officially over .... DS hockey equipment is on the back deck. I told him we better watch for falling birds from the tree because it smells so bad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well it been almost a week in my plan B with just a few blips. It will be easier now that hockey is done.

Happy Plam Sunday to everyone....

Still

Once again, great job with the confrontation. You are doing so well! I know how hard it is and how much it hurts. It will gradually get easier, but it will probably still hurt. It does for me.

(((Still)))

SD,

I'm just afraid that the times he sees me is meeting the few EN I have been meeting for him. I don't think so because I really am making myself scarce.

I guess I'm just second guessing myself today. You know I haven't looked at him at all and I'm trying to remember him.... does that make any sense. I mean I wouldn't even watch him walk out on the ice this morning when one of our players got hurt.

I know this plan will work someway or another.... Divorce stuff coming up the day after Easter then after spring break.

It seems all my time lines are around the times I held special in our lifes. Christmas, February Break, now Easter.

I wonder if D will be final for Mother's day.... Happy Mothers Day huh.

Will get myself out of this mood....

Still

Being on top of things comes and goes. I was bent much of last week, but Friday and yesterday I was feeling good. So good I wanted to reach out to WW and share it. I didn't, of course.

Today minor triggers when she dropped the kids off and when one of her former co-workers called here in ignorance. I will get back on top, though.

It's still a roller coaster, just not as steep.

Try not to think about him and the trigger. Try to take that energy and do something for you or your kids.

SD,

You are so right about the rollercoaster downhills aren't as steep. I do get down now and again... but nothing like I was just 2 weeks ago.

And I can so relate to wanting to share things with our spouse. There are so many times the kids and I do something and one of them does the cutest things...even as teenagers I can't wait to share with H when he gets home from work. Then I remember he's not coming to our home after work.

After my sons games we used to talk and talk about everyhting that happened.... we don't do that anymore.

There is news that is happening around town and know he probably hasn't heard I want to share... but don't because right now he isn't my friend. He!! he isn't really my H anymore.

It msut be so much harder at the ages of your kids... because they are always doing prescious things.

We are getting there... and I do try to do things for me and the kids. At there age though they are not around much.

You know I think this is when we were suppose to be able to do things...the kids are almost out of the house.

Not going to focus on that anymore tonight. Need to finish cleaning. Not my favorite thing to do.

Still

guys, I miss the same thing....I was thinking about writing it all in a special journal....to S, not WS...so that when she sees the light...we can catch up on all that conversation that we missed!! what dya think???

ok, whats a BOB????

FB,

You know I was thinking of doing the same thing....great minds think alike. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I had started writing letters to WH when he first left in our Retrouvaille notebooks... and kind of put that to the side.

But lately I have been thinking of the same thing. If nothing else it can express to our kids the love that we had for thier other parent.

What I was thinking of doing is packing it with his stuff when everything is final and his stuff need to be out of here.

I think it is wonderful and I believe that it would be very therapeutic.

FB you know we are not far from each other....if I remeber correctly you live in NH. If you ever feel like talking IRL or getting together to chat just let me know.

Still

I am southern NH.....near mass border....didn't you say you went to school in mass.....I went to cheers the other night and then the north end to improv asylum....it was a great girls night out.....
I also work in town.....how far up are you into maine...my fam usually goes to York beach...short sands for vaca in the summer...great beaches up there in ME...NH Beaches kind of bite....but I did spend early 20's in Hampton....;like the rest of the world....

FB,

I grew up about 30 minuted from the NH border. In the Fitchburg Leominster area.

I love York Beach... my favorite is Long Sands though. When I was a kid we used to go all the time my uncle owned a camp there.

Nubble Light house is a calming place for me. I could watch the waves there all day.

I'm about 2 1/2 hours from York Beach... still make frequent trips there though. Actually went there this summer when I thought WH was in NH with friends to golf. And later to find out that Ho was also there. Although checked with friend and he was with WH the whole time.

This is my recent e-mail from WH when I requested copies of bills and bank statements

Really confused by you lately.

You almost drove over me to get out of there today.
Yes....I'll drop off the stuff tomorrow to you.

Need to tell you about the stuff I've paid and some problems we have with
the bills.

me

What do you all think.

Still

Second response to my question about what problems.

nothing about the drive off this morning?

Still

Not sure what you're asking. If you're asking whether you should respond to his comment about the drive off this morning, the answer is absolutely not. Let him eat static.

If he's going to use "problems" with bills to engage you in conversation, I would try to resist. Try to get the information via terse emails, and don't send them right away. Make him wait.